Wine every night

[leopardprintanduggs]

I'm currently on maternity leave and have got myself into a routine of a glass or two of wine a night. I know this isn't ideal health wise but I feel like I need something to 'look forward to' in the evening and separate the night from the day. Anyone else in the same boat? I'm not a big eater so this is my treat. I've not bought a bottle of wine today as a concerted effort to have a night off and already feeling like there's nothing much to look forward tonight!

The perspective is about the carers compromised caring capacity. Alcohol affects the carers ability to respond to potentially dangerous situations in a way a child eat a donut doesn’t.

The OP is not in sole charge of her baby in the evening. Her husband is there.

its not true that in the eu it would be considered a” healthy relationship with alcohol”…the definition of low risk drinking is not hugely different across many eu countries, in France for eg. It’s “Not more than 10 standard drinks per week, never more than 2 standard drinks per day, and at least one alcohol-free day per week” ..land a standard drink is only 100ml of wine . Tell me who in the uk only serves home measures of only 100ml wine? ( Source: https://knowledge4policy.ec.europa.eu/health-promotion-knowledge-gateway/national-low-risk-drinking-recommendations-drinking-guidelines_en) . Statistics also show that the French drink less overall than the British. If you are having breaks of a couple of days then I wouldn’t be even posting a response if it weren’t for the fact that you are still EBF a baby who quite obviously has digestive sensitivities…that doesn’t make sense to me.

Pretty much teetotal here after developing hormone driven breast cancer in my 50s. Although I’m in the right bmi, don’t smoke, eat veggie, any alcohol will boost the oestrogen in my system that fed my cancer. This cancer has a chance of returning and any alcohol can help it.

We are not a family that has ever had cancer. It was a total shock to me.

@Superscientist thanks, I have identified dairy free treats and I have perfected dairy free baking by now but it doesn't change the fact that I can't reach for ANY of my favourite cakes and I can't have most takeaways. So there are very few easy treats for me. A glass of wine is all I have left. Thank god for that.

Your assumption doesn’t change my facts. OP hasn’t said her DH is home when she starts drinking.

@StormingNorman my husband works from home and is there with my baby while I cook dinner and have a glass of wine. On evenings he's away, I don't drink.

She literally said her dh is at home earlier in the thread.

I agree with those who say it isn’t particularly the volume of alcohol which is a problem it’s the habit and the fact you appear to need it as an emotional prop.

My dad was a high functioning alcoholic who very rarely drank more than a bottle of wine every night and never before 5pm but he did drink every night without fail.

It affected his moods, his focus and ability to organise his life and it affected his family hugely.

The dependence is the most powerful thing and as PPs have said what’s really dangerous is it impacts your ability to feel joy without it.

This is where the “wine o’clock” tendency is so damaging. Making alcohol an aspiration and a reward that trades off against the frustrations of the day is a really fast road to psychological dependency.

I don’t think you are necessarily in problem territory in terms of the amount you are drinking but I would be looking to rein it in to curb this growing mental and emotional dependence.

For me, the issue is the lengths you are going to,to justify it, the annoyance you feel when challenged about it, and the simple fact no one with a problem “wants to,stop” that’s not how it works.

so,I think you’re developing a problem. You’re becoming dependent;and trying to justify it.

im also struggling with how signficant your intake is over the week whilst breastfeeding,

Ah I'm sure they'll both be fine

It's hard isn't it. My daughter has 20 food allergies and when I was breastfeeding my mil wanted to treat us to a takeaway/ready meals and there wasn't a single thing in the supermarket I could eat. If it was from the regular range it had dairy or eggs in. If it was from the vegan range it had soya or tomatoes or aubergine in and my daughters allergic to that.
At one point I had about 10-15 safe foods and I lived off green and blacks chocolate as there wasn't anything else I could treat myself with. I couldn't drink as it made my already severe pnd worse! You just have to find the little joys where you can don't you!
My daughters 4 now and whilst I'm not breastfeeding any more we try to keep treats in the house safe for her to eat. Although gin and prosecco are now an option for me!

You know it’s too much and it’s definitely problem if you feel you have nothing to look forward to. My friend does the same s d has done for 20+ years. I’ve noticed in the last 5 years or so her face is very bloated. She’s basically a functioning alcoholic but can’t see an issue as she waits until the evening .

I agree that on Mumsnet anything more than a thimble sized drink once a month is often touted as an unhealthy obsession with alcohol😂

But...current guidelines have changed for most countries in keeping with updated science. No amount of alcohol is "good" for you and the health risks of drinking are apparent at much lower amounts than previously thought.

I'm not teetotal myself but do recognize an awful lot of denial among those who want to insist that a couple of drinks a day, every day, is just fine. Adults should make their own choices regarding risks but it's silly to pretend those risks don't exist.

Drinking isn’t the problem. Needing to drink is the problem.

Really, you need to call the nhs and explain that to them then,

https://www.nhs.uk/start-for-life/baby/feeding-your-baby/breastfeeding/can-i-breastfeed-if-im/drinking-alcohol/#:~:text=While%20it's%20safer%20not%20to,unlikely%20to%20harm%20your%20baby.

But it seems from what op is saying that baby is fine, so why the drama

Are you serious? What medical qualifications do you feel the op has, and what tests has she run, to determine if her going against nhs guidance and breastfeeding her child when consuming twice at least the safe limit of alcohol per week?

do you think the nhs just gives this guidance as they secretly support prohibition or something? Maybe to punish mothers? For the shits and giggles?

the op said if your sober enough to hold the baby you’re fine to feed the baby, it is utter nonsense, the nhs is very clear. And the baby should come first, not the ops need for the drink.

And for the amount of doubt, the amount of alcohol in your breast milk is the same as in your blood. You need two to three hours for ever drink. When breast feeding 6 units is seen as binge drinking.

in terms of the baby, if they are regularly being fed alcohol through breast milk it can lead to developmental delays, as well as growth stunting and weight gain problems.

the baby needs to come first. The op can crack on and drink daily, as much as she wishes, but the baby should move to formula for the babies safety, or she can’t feed the child until the next day..

Podcasts while cooking - an escape and a bit of a change of pace for you, without involving a drink.

I'm sorry but you lost me with your suggestion of moving to formula instead. The myriad benefits of breastfeeding on the baby and its health vastly outweigh the small risks of drinking a glass or two of wine 5 days of the week. Breastfeeding is so unequivocally better for the baby health wise that it's even recommended that it's better to SMOKE and breastfeed your baby rather than formula feed, even with the hundreds of toxins and chemicals in cigarettes.

I'm trying really hard not to be defensive on this thread and I've taken so many people's opinions on board, including cutting down for baby's benefit, but these sorts of extreme, puritanical views are making it hard for me to take some posters here seriously. And we wonder why breastfeeding rates in the UK are some of the lowest in the world... don't you dare do anything but be a perfect, healthy vessel for your child's milk or your an awful selfish mother! I think the decision to breastfeed with the huge toll it takes on you physically, mentally and socially is made all the harder with people judging any imperfect decision mothers make for themselves. You're speaking as though I'm shooting heroin nightly!

For some, a couple of glasses of wine sounds like no big deal, but for others it would be quite a big deal. We all have different tolerances and I think the range of views you're getting here OP reflects that. I know I'd feel drunk on 2 glasses of wine, and tipsy after 1 (and how big a glass are we talking?) I don't handle alcohol that well and I certainly wouldn't want to care for a baby after drinking 2 glasses of wine / deal with disrupted sleep / wake up the next morning early and do it all over again on repeat. Motherhood is exhausting enough as it is without the added side effects of regular wine drinking.

I have a 6 yr old now and its taken me a few years to work out that I function at my best for her as a parent if I feel my best, physically. I prioritise going on walks , I go to the gym a couple of times a week, I try and eat well, drink loads of water and go to bed early now. Those early years I felt a wreck - clinging on to my "grown up" time in the evening watching Netflix till late at night and eating junk food because I felt like I'd earned it, then waking up with not enough rest and feeling irritable and grouchy, and my daughter bore the brunt of that.

I am a better parent to her now for facing up to my shit and realising that actually, she needs a healthy and well rested mother. The challenges of parenting will increase and you need to build stress-relief activities into your life that don't involve drinking. The whole family well benefit from that.

This is a great post 👍

OP I am judging you for starting this post looking for validation of your actions not support to stop. Please reduce
Your drinking habits for the longterm safety of your child-
He/ she will toddling about soon. Does DH mind your sitting there drinking alone whilst EBF whilst he is sober?

I am sure your Mum didn't go from zero to 2 bottles of night, she probably drank 2 glasses a night at one point and then 3 etc etc.
What stands out for me is that you don't feel you can unwind without alcohol and that is concerning

I think your first point is very true - and also the circles you run in. Majority of my friends and family drink similarly so I struggle with the tee-total mindset of many posters here, but am taking on board many of the points. I will say though that I have a 4 year old too and feel fine the next day and overnight; two small to mid glasses of wine really don't cause me to feel anything more than a slight 'buzz', especially as they're spread across the evening.