Wine every night

[leopardprintanduggs]

I'm currently on maternity leave and have got myself into a routine of a glass or two of wine a night. I know this isn't ideal health wise but I feel like I need something to 'look forward to' in the evening and separate the night from the day. Anyone else in the same boat? I'm not a big eater so this is my treat. I've not bought a bottle of wine today as a concerted effort to have a night off and already feeling like there's nothing much to look forward tonight!

Try reading this naked mind book, it gives you all the info on exactly what each amount of alcohol does to you then you can choose what consequences you want to take on. But really no alcohol free days isn’t great

As an aside are you over the limit for driving? And at any point are you alone with baby? I speak as a mum who’s baby fell dangerously unwell in under an hour, there were no ambulances so I had to drive to an and e myself. Obviously it’s unlikely but you just never know and I vowed at that point to never be a position where I couldn’t drive in case something happened to my kids. My son had meningitis, at the hospital they said another half hour delay and he would have been dead.

Taxi

How big is the glass of wine?? A couple of 250 ml glasses is a huge amount. A couple of 125ml glasses is fine.

I have a glass of wine most nights. I have a busy job and busy life so I look forward to flumping with a glass of wine at 9pm! I get about 4 glasses from a bottle.

If I start drinking tea I have way too much and need to pee all night!

I think that you know it's an issue or you wouldn't be posting. I know a lot of people who were lightish social drinkers early in life but it's definitely more of an issue with age. I'd be lying if I said their health has not been affected.

@FrodoBiggins
Here you go

Damp Feb! For DJ survivors and Feb drink moderation fans! www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/5265391-damp-feb-for-dj-survivors-and-feb-drink-moderation-fans

@leopardprintanduggs i was very similar on Mat leave and would have a glass or two most nights. But once back at work it wasn’t quite as often. And now kids are older teenagers it’s like once a month I have a drink, life’s not as full on so it’s not so needed to relax. Don’t worry. You’ll get a lot of the shock horror ‘so much alcohol’ on here but if it’s temporary I wouldn’t worry.

@pitterypattery00

A lot of things have a risk of cancer which are more than zero. Stepping outside without sunblock at midday, eating meat, eating burnt chargrilled food, vehicle emissions, being overweight, pesticides in food.

A 175ml glass of red wine a few times a week is very minimal risk.

Hmm it's a bit of a bad habit to get into particularly if you start attaching such a big emotional release/reward to it. Very easy for consumption to increase further. You say you can give up, so just try 10 days with no booze. Then reassess.

Seen as you asked…😬 if I was in your shoes, yes, I would feel guilty for drinking every night. It’s really not great for you to not have any alcohol free nights. I totally get it when you have young kids etc. but you do need to give your body a break from every night drinking. I limit myself (most of the time!) to weekend drinking only. Being honest, it’s not great for anyone’s waistline or health to be drinking every night. Plus you’ll look forward to it and deserve it even more if it’s weekends only 😃

You really need to cut this down OP, it’s not good at all for various reasons.

Even if from a basic health perspective- NHS guidance says 14 units per week, there’s 2.3 units in your average medium (175ml) glass of wine, so 2 glasses per night, 7 days per week = 32.2 units, more than double what is “okay”. And that assumes you are actually having a medium glass, I don’t know anybody who measures their wine out at home and I know for me personally my “glass of wine” at home is probably closer to 2 glasses of wine in a bar where they do measure it out, so you could easily be sitting at higher than 32.

Add to that the fact you’re depending on it to get through the day and feel hopeless at the thought of going without it tonight- it’s gone beyond a little treat and became something you need daily.

Do you want your child to grow up watching mum count down the hours until her wine each night? Probably not?

I was exactly where you are. Knock it on the head. You are already at significant risk of addiction genetically, and it’s just no good for you. You will be so much more tired and frazzled drinking every night that not.

Honestly, when I stopped drinking, that’s when I realised how little I needed a little reward at the end of the day. I thought I was drinking for me time to get a break from the kids. It turned out it wasn’t the kids that left me feeling like that, it was the drinking the night before. When I stopped, I no longer felt like I needed to escape from my life because life stopped being so miserable.

That said, I was exactly like you. Only drank on the weekend when mine were little. Then COVID happened and I started drinking every night. Then it was every afternoon. Then sometimes we’d go to the playground during the day and I’d take wine in a flask. By the time I quit a couple years later, I was drinking 3 bottles of wine most nights. I’m coming up to 2 years sober now.

That doesn’t mean you’re an alcoholic because you have a couple drinks every night. But you’re still just about at the point where you can rein it in and still be a ‘normal drinker’ in the future. Once you get a bit further on, most people need to quit entirely to manage their drinking as they’re a bit too far gone to ever go back to drinking sensibly. Honestly, you won’t miss it once you change the habit.

@daysfilledwithdappledlight “ This is spot on. We now know almost no alcohol makes it through into the milk, the previous guidance was more to ensure no one was drunk and looking after a baby - that is where the danger lied.” I have quoted the nhs guidance which is saying that someone shouldn’t bf for 2-3 hrs after a single drink…the op is drinking twice that (& home measures are not the same as those used in research) and there are always individual differences in how quickly people metabolise alcohol . That small amount is probably inconsequential with someone who is BF and is an irregular drinker…..if someone is drinking every single night, even that small level is potentially going to build up in the babies system as a baby will not metabolise that alcohol in the same way as an adult. If an adult woman/ man are advised to drink no more than 14 units a week then how can we say that it is perfectly ok for a BF woman to be drinking that amount?

The scaremongering alone on this thread will kill you.

If you want a drink, just do it in moderation!! Enjoy your lives!

A few things stand out for me

• you have had to make an effort to not drink tonight (honestly, it shouldn’t be an effort. I can go days without thinking about drinking, there is no alcohol ‘noise’ in my life)
• you feel less happy / content because you aren’t drinking tonight
• you drink to feel like yourself
• you have sought reassurance that this is ok from us
• your responses are a touch defensive
• you are finding reasons to justify your drinking

I don’t think it’s ok to drink 1-2 glasses a night every night. It strikes me as a dependency.

If you feel you aren’t dependant, just stop. Stop for a week and see if it’s easy, see if you last the week. That would probably tell you all you need to know.

I was in a similar place once, due to change in circumstances, a slow creep from 1 glass on a weekend night to two glasses most nights. I realised that I was looking forward to my glass of wine, I didn’t ever do that before. I also realised that I had gained weight, felt unhealthy, wasn’t sleeping so well.

I’m back to normal now, no alcohol noise, an occasional drink. It feels much better.

I don’t drink when I feel like I need a drink

This is crucial to me, a recovering alcoholic who drinks. To bring things back to a less hyperbolic level, I was not a fully-fledged alcoholic when I went into rehab but I was drinking a fuckton of wine and finding life without it very dull indeed. I was putting away around three bottles of wine every night.

A couple of glasses a day isn't a serious problem ... but needing it is. If the prospect of a wine-free evening looks like a stretch of interminable tedium to your mind's eye, booze is already lying to your mind and you'd be wise to break that hold sooner rather than later. Find things to do that entertain, amuse or engross you: that you look forward to doing.

It's also okay to look forward to a slice of cake, an ice-cream or suchlike. The calories are pretty similar, and alcohol provides a sugar hit. No harm in replacing it, especially whilst you identify your chosen activities.

Following rehab, all my steps, a year of sobriety and a couple of backslides, I'm a low-key occasional drinker with only one rule: never when I feel like I need a drink.

Also on mat leave and I feel the same as you. My baby goes down at 7 pm and doesn't wake for a feed until 2am at the very earliest so 1-2 glasses of wine definitely do not pass to him.

But I can't leave the house. I'm trapped on the sofa night after night after night. My days are just baby baby baby. I love him to bits but it is groundhog day.

My baby also has a milk, soy and egg allergy so I can't even have a piece of cake unless I have baked it myself using soy free vegan ingredients. It's so fucking shit.

Fuck it, yes, I will have the wine.

Daily drinking isn’t healthy, actually any drinking isn’t healthy and I speak as one who drank north of 100 units a week. I started with one or two a night. Alcohol is addictive. Be careful.

I can definitely sympathise with your reasons, OP. I’ve definitely been there. Depending on how large your glasses are, it’s the mentality that’s the issue, not necessarily the amount. Anything you feel like you ‘need’ daily that also has negative implications, is no good thing.

My dad died of alcoholism. The lifestyle creep version too.

You shouldn't feel guilty but know that just because you stopped for 9 months doesn't mean it's not an issue now. It's not healthy, so if you can stop, do. Limit yourself weekly ti the recommended intake - I think it's a bottle of wine a week or something.

It is already a problem if you look forward to it as a daily routine. You think you know you can stop it any time until you cannot. As PP said one glass day then becomes three, a bottle etc. It is proven to be especially risky for women. No amount of alcohol is safe is the latest guidance, even those recommended daily units is still way too high. Drinking daily is a direct way to mental health issues, cancer or cirrhosis and it is not being talked about enough. You have a young child to raise. Find other treats : a good book, a chat with a friend, a walk in nature, a sport you like, a film, a massage...

Every sympathy for needing to mark and enjoy a baby free moment in your day to feel like a real person. But as PPs have said, dangerous to get in the habit of using alcohol to do this everyday. You need to find an alternative ritual that works for you. It sounds really lame but during DS’s morning nap I like to light a fancy scented candle while I have my tea and toast (evenings are witching hour then straight to bed for me so no chance of wine). Not saying you should do that specifically, but something to mark that it’s a grown up moment you’re taking for yourself- whether non alcoholic drink/treat/tv show/yoga/reading/craft

An alcoholic can be someone who only drinks a relatively small amount per day

This. My mum has 2 drinks a night, has done for decades. She's an alcoholic although she would never admit it.

Or a drug addict if you like. I think separating alcohol from any other drug simply due to it's legal and social status is dangerous as it doesn't seem as bad, but it is. If OP was smoking a couple of joints a night everyone would be shouting get yourself to the GP, you're an addict. Alcohol is no different, well it's worse imo.

Thank you for posting this. It isn't appropriate to be drinking this much and then breastfeeding two hours later. So many women are in denial about this, it's quite shocking.

Regular drinking above the recommended limits…. Which is what you are doing, please cut this down for your baby