Wine every night

[leopardprintanduggs]

I'm currently on maternity leave and have got myself into a routine of a glass or two of wine a night. I know this isn't ideal health wise but I feel like I need something to 'look forward to' in the evening and separate the night from the day. Anyone else in the same boat? I'm not a big eater so this is my treat. I've not bought a bottle of wine today as a concerted effort to have a night off and already feeling like there's nothing much to look forward tonight!

I don't disagree @Hoppinggreen

I'd really like to find something else that gives me something to look forward to and signals the end of the parenting day but nothing has really hit the spot, I tried during pregnancy but just ended up going to bed super early! I'm sure many people feel similarly about chocolate etc, it just is a treat for me but I appreciate it's not the healthiest choice

@tearsandtiaras you really do need some further training in tone and communication. If you were able to phrase your 'advice' like other posters, without your disdain dripping from every sentence, I'd listen to you. You come across like every social worker I've ever had the misfortune of encountering through my work - superior, judgemental and histrionic, without actually being helpful in any way. It's a shame, as if you'd presented information in a less antagonising way like other people on here have been capable of doing, I'd probably have listened to you.

And no - my husband doesn't 'mind' or begrudge me having a glass of wine given that I carried our child for 9 months, giving up every vice and eating healthily, birthed said child and am now sacrificing my time and energy breastfeeding in order to give our child the best start in life, even if I can't be the epitome of perfect maternal sacrifice that you'd like us all to be.

How is it puritanical and handmaiden-esque to think a nursing mum wouldn’t be having glasses of wine everyday or 5 days a week?

From your posts, seems you wanted people to validate your consumption and anyone who disagrees is expecting “perfection” from mothers.

Not drinking alcohol when you’re a nursing mum is not a sacrifice for many of us. It’s a conscious decision made knowing that what we consume even if in small amounts goes into our breastmilk and our babies therefore consume that. Alcohol is a group 1 carcinogen just like tobacco. It is a toxin no matter how little gets into the milk.

Your choice as you say, but it doesn’t take away from the fact that you could choose another activity to look forward to.

You need two to three hours for every drink - That looks a bit long to me, it's more usually an hour for an average-sized, healthy person to metabolise a medium glass of wine while eating normally.

Still, let's accept that it's around two hours. OP wrote that she consumes A glass of wine (sometimes two) over 4 hours in the evening, one before dinner and one after. That's a nice, wide window.

No, I don't think it's great to have a daily drinking routine or to rely on alcohol to liven up your mood. But there's some impressive hysteria in these replies.

Thank you to most who've posted; a couple of things have cropped up for me.

• Lots of people perceive drinking with regularity as unusual and deeply unhealthy. I don't think I agree with that fundamentally and I think that although I could do with restricting a bit more, if I could do 3 days alcohol free then I'd be happy health wise. Obviously not perfect, but I don't think anyone lives a perfectly healthy life without any small treats and I'm otherwise healthy and active. I am not concerned about it escalating - I am happy, content and am not using it to deal with difficult life problems and have been through horrendous circumstances in my life and haven't turned to drink to cope. I'd like to treat my body like a temple, but I'm happy with treating it like a 4 bed detached 😂

• lots of people also have an issue with BF and drinking. Again, I think I could do with cutting down for this reason, but having read the available research, I think that there are risks at every turn and the occasional drink will not harm my baby. I think BF is a major sacrifice to provide the best for my baby and gruelling enough physically and mentally, without making the experience an utter misery by forgoing one of my few pleasures.

• the biggest issue in my opinion is, as many have said, the fact that I am looking forward to it and this suggests a dependence on it to wind down which is not healthy. I think I need to reset that attitude and will work on that.

Thanks again everyone ✌🏼

How many bottles are you drinking a week? Two glasses poured by your own hand can mount up to a lot over the week. No judgement as I've had similar phases in the past.

Maybe pick a couple of days and allocate them with something specific to look forward to?

You already say Monday and Tuesdays are dry evenings, so glass of wine on Wednesday (adding ice to make.it last longer so just one), then:-

Thursday - bath bomb, nice bubble bath, candles and music followed by a bit of time spent on skincare/paint nails. Maybe buy a trashy magazine if that's something you'd enjoy (I do!)

Friday - play a game with dh, Scattergories or Phase 10, tapas for tea and a few bottles of non alcoholic fizz

Saturday - Movie with dh, glass of wine with ice as above

Sunday - pick up a cross stitch kit from Hobby Craft, listening to an audio book as you craft.

Oh, also, something I do - sparkling water in a wine glass now while cooking. I was the same - drank while cooking (it's a fucking joy tbh) so I had to swap. Bubbles and a beautiful glass felt like I still could enjoy it.

This is so lovely, thank you so much. A really lovely itinerary and it absolutely sparks joy! I'll give it a go next week. I guess it doesn't help that we're both swamped at the moment and I have baby attached to me every second of the day (a Velcro baby!) so a glass of wine while cooking feels like one of the few moments of freedom I have at the minute! It really is a joy isn't it. I love tonic water so will try that in a fancy glass too 👌🏼 I enjoyed the feeling of healthiness and clarity while pregnant so need to try to find that feeling again and enjoy that more than the vino.

Agree re your dependence - you said you coped fine with not drinking in pregnancy but then say you just went to bed early! To see life as a waste of time without booze in it is problematic.
And all the breastfeeding mothers I know - lots - have limited regular alcohol consumption. You would be an outlier in my breastfeeding circles.

It's so all consuming isn't it? I used to read multiple books a week pre kids, and after dc1, I didn't read a full book again for about 5 years. It's so so hard (yet wonderful at the same time).

You'll get there. You will find other sources of joy x

I’ve been having a glass or two of wine several evenings a week too, I am also on maternity leave. My twins were premature so I’ve been advised to semi shield them and not go to any baby groups until the weather gets a bit warmer and there is less risk of them catching flu or bugs. My boyfriend works long hours so it can get lonely, especially if it’s bad weather and I can’t pop out for a walk to break up the day. Love my babies and in a lot of ways chilling at home is nice but I do look forward to the days when I have a glass . Been trying to change it to something like a hot chocolate some days

Oh honey ❤️

• lots of people also have an issue with BF and drinking. Again, I think I could do with cutting down for this reason, but having read the available research, I think that there are risks at every turn and the occasional drink will not harm my baby. I think BF is a major sacrifice to provide the best for my baby and gruelling enough physically and mentally, without making the experience an utter misery by forgoing one of my few pleasures

op, yes, but it isn’t an occasional drink, that’s the concern, if you were formula feeding it would be completely fine.

The myriad benefits of breastfeeding on the baby and its health vastly outweigh the small risks of drinking a glass or two of wine 5 days of the week

can you back this up, because the nhs strongly disagrees with you.

Ok I'll rephrase - a reasonably low amount of alcohol per day

Do you honestly think the NHS website would advocate for any alcohol in any environment for either sex of any age parent or non?

Read the many benefits of breastfeeding

my.clevelandclinic.org/health/articles/15274-benefits-of-breastfeeding

Then read the risks of moderate drinking

llli.org/breastfeeding-info/alcohol/#:~:text=The%20absolute%20amount%20of%20alcohol,are%20reported%20in%20the%20infant.

The slight risk of lower growth rate is better than SIDS or leukaemia, you'd agree?

I’m sorry op, maybe I wasn’t clear. I have linked to thr risks and can do so further. I asked can you evidence the benefits of breast feeding outweigh thr risks to your baby of drinking and breast feeding. Thay those risks are mitigated,

it is clear there is a risk of developmental delays, growth and weight issues, this is scientifically proven, that the alcohol your baby is getting is the same as in your blood stream.

why take a risk with your own child’s development like this?

Does that make sense? I’m asking how wine can be so important you’d risk your child. You even call it a risk yourself.

You were perfectly clear; there's no study that I can find that unequivocally states that the benefits of breastfeeding while drinking moderate amounts of alcohol is better than not breastfeeding. In lieu of that, I've linked two sources that describe the benefits of breastfeeding vs the risks of moderate alcohol consumption for you to compare which is the worse of the two evils - not breastfeeding or drinking a glass or two of wine regularly.

Can you link to a study that says I should move to formula if drinking wine of an evening? This what you said originally and what I took umbrage to. If you can link this I will happily eat my words.

www.cdc.gov/breastfeeding-special-circumstances/hcp/vaccine-medication-drugs/alcohol.html

'Not drinking alcohol is the safest option for breastfeeding mothers. However, moderate alcohol consumption, meaning up to one drink per day, is not known to be harmful to the infant.'

I'm willing to sacrifice so much of my sanity and freedom for my baby's health. I don't disagree that there are risks and I have agreed several times that I want to lower my consumption - as above says, one drink, not two, but saying flippantly that my baby would be better off formula fed than me having a glass of wine is simply untrue. As I said before, the slight risk of lowered growth rate etc simply doesn't compare to the high benefits of breastfeeding and the risks that increase without it, eg. SIDS. Peddling the message that 'oh your baby would be better off with formula' because of a glass or two of WINE is, quite frankly, insane. Incidentally I don't wish to mum shame anyone who has to formula feed - I have made my choice and respect anyone else's choices; you weigh up the pros and cons and make your decision based on your individual circumstances.

Anyway, I'm tucked up in bed feeding my baby with a peppermint tea. I do appreciate your intentions although I disagree with your stance that it would be better to formula feed than breastfeed after a glass of wine. This has all been food for thought, and genuinely if you can link to a study that says it is recommended to formula feed rather than have any alcohol I'd appreciate it as it would inform my choices going forward.

Sorry - last thing. Life is full of risks. I risk my baby's life when I put them in a car seat to drive to TK Max for a stroll around so I can see something other than the four walls of my house during maternity leave. I don't think that makes me a reckless, irresponsible mother. Sometimes we do things that we enjoy for our own enjoyment or sanity that means our children aren't in a perfectly protected bubble

Can you quantify the actual risk to her child?

OP, you ask @Shrinkingrose for evidence. I work in public health research, although not this specific area. I have done work on alcohol in pregnancy.

The difficulty with research in this area is that it would be completely unethical and logistically impossible to do a randomised controlled trial (i.e. assigning breastfeeding women randomly to either drink alcohol or abstain, and then do follow-up measures on their child months /years in the future and compare the two groups). So instead we rely on observational studies, which can be very useful at demonstrating associations but can't usually prove causality.

A useful saying in public health is 'absence of evidence is not evidence of absence' i.e. a lack of a study proving that an exposure (such as alcohol) causes harm does not mean that the exposure is safe.

Sorry for the midnight public health/epidemiology lesson 😅

Edited to add - there may be good research in this area, as I said it's not my subject area so I'm not able to comment on the quality of evidence available.