Why doesn’t everyone sleep train?

[Goldstar88]

I know there’s always debate about the pros and cons of sleep training. I personally haven’t with my 13 month old (and they do still wake 1-2 times but sometimes sleep through). I often have friends telling me I just need to sleep train. My DC self settles, even in the night after a feed, so I have never thought it that necessary, albeit I’d like to have a reliable solid night’s sleep (wouldn’t everyone!).

I’m genuinely intrigued as to why if sleep training is the silver bullet it is touted to be by sleep experts and lots of parents, why doesn’t everyone do it? Surely it would be taught by every midwife etc and no one would ever face sleep deprivation after the newborn stage?

Am I, and lots of other parents, just being naive and missing out, making it hard for ourselves?

To be clear, I really don’t like the idea of leaving my DC to cry and I’m holding on to the hope they will eventually just sleep through as they get older…!

I tried it with my 1st. Lasted about 3 minutes before she vomited and that was the end of that

They sleep through when they are ready. You sign up for that when you give birth! I'm not convinced it does anything but teaches them you won't come when they cry. DS still likes a handhold when he falls asleep at 6 but it only takes 5 minutes.

I tried sleep training briefly and it was awful, I hated it and my DS hated it… I just can’t get to grips with how people are able to let their babies cry it out.
no judgement just not for me.

I didn’t sleep train because I just don’t believe we are robots, and sleep training only came along in various theories / parenting books etc.

I co-slept with both of mine, my eldest was in his own room by 18months sleeping through and settling with me stroking his hand or hair…
my youngest not so much and is still a terrible sleeper aged 7.

For me it’s just one of those things that will pass.

Depends what you mean. I put my babies down when they couldn’t fight sleep any longer.
let them cry no never.

There’s no one thing that everyone does, whether it’s recommended or not. Sleep training is no different.

I sleep trained (slept trained?) my twins. Worked brilliantly. I don’t care if anyone else does or not.

I think it's a fad that is rather cruel.
Sure, help build up ability to self soothe. But this technique isn't necessary. I would go in to my twins, not pick them up, but pat until they soothed. Repeat as necessary.

I looked into it as a parent but the more I read the more I realised waking was age appropriate etc. I personally decided that I wanted my child to know if they were distressed I was there and we could do that as it wasn’t constant etc. I dont judge anyone for doing sleep training though. If I needed to I would have tried it.

I can't do it can't leave them to cry.

To be clear, I really don’t like the idea of leaving my DC to cry

That is surely the reason for everyone who doesn't do it?

I don't think it's in the best interests of the child.

I think a baby's sleep changes over time. Sometimes, a change coincides with spending a lot of money on a sleep consultant or sleep training. But that change would likely have happened anyway.

I generally didn't feel the need to sleep train because my approach was that everything is just a phase. Others did sleep train, their choice. My 5 year old is an excellent sleeper but I don't think that's at all related to my decisions about sleep training.

i decided on contact napping and Co sleeping for my dc and from birth we all got plenty of sleep. They didn’t have any issues transitioning to their own beds at age 5 either

Depends what you mean by sleep training. Not all methods mean leaving the baby to cry.

Sleep training isn't necessarily synonymous with cry it out though. There are many touted sleep training techniques that don't involve ignoring your child crying for hours. We sleep trained our daughter and never left her side. Wish I'd done it sooner.

Because it's hard! We did it with both ours, it was brutal for 3 days but they then slept through forevermore. I would go so far as to say it saved my sanity, marriage and potentially some lives (I was back at work as a surgeon and so tired I could barely function).

It's not for everyone though - you could ask the same of breastfeeding, co sleeping, screen time etc. Do whatever works for you and your family and try not to judge others!

I think it depends on temperament to be honest. My daughter was pretty highly strung as a baby, I think she'd have just cried until she vomited, I just can't see it every would have worked on her. She would always really fight any sleep, whatever we tried, whenever we tried it. I think sleep training would've been hell.

My son was much more relaxed, slept in his pram, on the go, in the car, occasionally could self settle from really early. I just knew he'd take to it. A couple of tricky nights and he's slept through ever since, it's been brilliant for the whole family.

We've got a third little one now but it's early days so waiting to see if it's an option this time!

We did regular check ins with our son so not cry it out really, still worked pretty quickly

The one or two times I tried it with my son his crying escalated, he was red, hot and started to vomit.

So yeh...no thanks!

I was just reading the "You Baby Week by Week" book (I have a 5 month old) section on sleep training/cry it out. I got to the part where it said to make sure you put on lots of nappy cream, just in case baby poos while crying and had to put the book down.

Leaving a baby to ‘cry it out’ for any length of time is a form of child abuse afaic

🥺🥺🥺

Every child is different they won’t all respond the same way.

Because I think it’s barbaric to leave a child crying in distress and not go to them. It broke my heart to think of doing it for any of my children

A young child getting a full night's sleep and having sane, well rested parents is most definitely in the child's interests.

My 19 month old was not just breastfeeding to sleep but had to be latched on all night. I was back at work and some nights she wad waking every 20 minutes. I tried every method I could. I started walking into walls and having blackouts because I was so tired. I asked for advice about sleep training on mymsnet and was told how cruel it was and i went back to the actually hellish regime of having a toddler co.pletely ruling everyone's sleep. My husband in the end told me we were sleep training her and that was that. He stayed with her and comforted her. She cried for 3 nights, less so each night, and by the 4th night, she lay in her cot and went down to sleep. She woke once or twice, and we would pat her and shush her and a few nights later she started sleeping through.

What a difference to out entire family! I cane out of an actual nightmare and was able to enjoy my baby, get my health back, do a day's work without constant brain fog or feeling like I was going to collapse. My baby (and other children) gor their mother back, my husband hot his wife back, life was in colour again and I haven't looked back.

It was most definitely in my baby's best interests, 100 percent.

I think how appropriate a degree of sleep training is can depend on the child.

My dd was a very sick baby, and after that it took a long time for her to be happy to self settle. We tried sleep training when she was around 18 months at ex MIL’s instigation, and it wasn’t a great success 😂

With DS, when he was in his own room after six months you could usually put him down sleepy but not asleep (so fed, changed, sung to etc) and go out for a bit - and come back to find him asleep. So it wasn’t a big deal. Or even a deliberate “right we’re sleep training now” decision.

I definitely agree it's down to temperament as to whether it works or is even something you could imagine working. I didn't sleep train either of mine, largely because my eldest was just SO clingy it would have been cruel, and by the time I had my second I was thoroughly trained into cosleeping etc... 😅