Is this normal for a grandparent

[Custardcreamsbetterwithtea]

to send the following text?

"Hi Custard, Just checking on dd's age on 3rd of March, is she 8yrs old? What type of cards does she like?"

Dm is 70, and compos mentis. She will show photos of her gcs to others, and acts like is is really involved. She has no other grandchildren. I feel saddened by the message. She sees them every school holidays, and has never been any support, and can be quite selfish. I did think she knew how old they were though. Do I say anything to her?

I think very normal and would rather this than to get something that is not age appropriate.

I am with the other posters-have to figure my own age by what year it is.

I will also confess I sometimes have to really think how old my own adult children are- 3 DC, one DIL and one soon to be DIL and I think I sometimes overthink it but very easily done!!!

Try and just take a step back and be glad your DD has someone in their life who gives them a card and money for a gift.
It won't last forever...

My mum/siblings didn't remember my dc ages and tbh I don't remember my siblings (I have 4), nieces and nephews either. They are all on the kitchen calendar with the age they reach that year and I update it each year to remember. Ask me mid year and it would be a guess.

Some people remember this type of information, others don't. If is not an indicator of whether they care or not.

Not everyone's best efforts are great, or equal to others'.

She sounds fine, at least she is asking and seems proud of your children. I personally love cards; I can see why some one would put thought into choosing one your child would like.

I tend to buy cards off Amazon so I can look for "grandson" in my past orders and up will pop "happy birthday grandson 10 years old" type cards, then calculate from that! I have three grandsons 22, 15 and 11 so no danger of mixing them up. Once they get past teens you just need to remember the actual date, their age is not that important to know.

I’d be irritated too.

The outward exhibit of closeness seems to be quite far from the reality, and she’s not even trying to hide that from you, whilst pretending to everyone else.

I say this as someone with a difficult relationship with my DM btw. BUT also, IMVHO after the first few years of grandparenting it is less easy for the GPs to keep up and I believe that the novelty wears off a teeny bit for them too.

I used to do that for mine and I’ve really tried to wean myself off it because I was covering up her absolute lack of effort .

Difference now is my daughter is older and knows how thoughtless my mother is so knows she would never ever put herself out by buying something, it’s cash only unless she has been given a gift herself then she just passes it on. She tells my daughter that’s what she is doing. She also and this really irritates me says what does c want for her birthday, I’ll say She wants this thing and they sell them in a shop that is very near you. Right I’ll give her some money. Why ask then? But more fool me for thinking she’d put effort in and buy something. To my mum saying you were going to get someone something is the same as getting it them. Normal things grand parents do Easter eggs advent calendar’s- nope.

it would irritate me but like you that’s because of a huge backstory! My mum a couple of years ago on my birthday said are you 52 no mum I’m 51, oh yes you were born in 1972. I’m an only child and she is sharp as a tack.

she also never buys a card that says daughter or granddaughter on it, you can’t pick her cards out from non relatives cards.

Sorry that was a rant. In summary no op not unreasonable if this is another example of not being interested behaviour, unreasonable if she’s lovely and just had a senior moment.

I regularly have to ask my children how old I am 🤦🏼‍♀️ also dh had an embarrassing incident when my eldest was a baby and getting admitted to hospital. They couldn’t find her anywhere on the system, until the midwife spotted the tattoo on his arm that said her name and DOB and he was a day out, she was due the 6th but was born on the 5th and he’s got this weird glitch in his head when even 16 years on he really has to think which one is her DOB.

I sometimes have to check niece and nephew ages. Thoughtful of her to ask about card design though. I have never ever consulted anyone on that. They largely get what I have in the drawer!!

I wouldn't be upset by this I don't even know how old I am at times.

I'm in my 50s and have to ask my mil how old my two DN are almost every year. I keep thinking I should just write down their year of birth but I forget to do that as well!

Thank you, that's a really good idea. We have a lot of nieces/nephews and I normally just put 'Name's birthday', I'm going to start adding their age. For some reason the 5 to 10 years always catch me out, I'm generally okay either side of that.

I spent the whole of last year thinking I was 56, I was 55. This is not the first time I've done this.

Some of us are not good with dates and ages.

I have to think about the date of my daugter's birthday each year. I get confused because I have a grandaughter and daughter on the same day of the month but different months and then my wedding anninersary is a day earlier, different month again! I think I do always get it right but I do need to think first.

I am just the wrong side of 40, adore my nieces and nephews, see them every week without fail, and still have to check this with frightening regularity. No clue why, but I have a complete mental block.

I spent the whole of last year telling anyone who asked that DB was 61. Apparently he's 64 next week 😂

My darling mum always gave me money to buy the children’s Christmas and Birthday presents.I was grateful for that because I could get exactly what I knew the children would like.
As for checking the age of your daughter m well that is perfectly reasonable! My sister recently asked me how old all the children are . I didn’t bat an eyelid.
It’s great that your Mum remembered GD birthday .

My dad has no idea how old I am or how old his grandchildren are. To be honest, I'm not sure my mum knows exactly how old the grandchildren are. She has a rough idea of their ages.
I don't think it matters. They don't pay much attention to dates or numbers.

In a senior moment I bought our granddaughter a birthday card, 7th birthday, when I got home OH pointed out that she is 7 now so she'd be 8. Oddly, when I returned to the shop and explained the man said You're not at all unusual, it happens a lot!

My parents are younger and don't even remember my age. They ask for ideas on what my DC would like which is totally understandable as children's interests can quickly change. So yeah, I think it's pretty normal.

I can’t always remember my kids ages, so I’m not at all surprised at this.

Me too. My bloke always asks me how old his grandchildren are, he hasn’t a clue.

And a newly-8 year old would probably be INCREDIBLY offended you confused her with a baby aged 7!

Lol, I forget my niece's , nephews , great ns.ages on their birthday! 😂😂Lighten up

If you’re buying a card with an age on you want to be sure you’re getting it right!

I barely know my own age so sorry YABU