Is this normal for a grandparent

[Custardcreamsbetterwithtea]

to send the following text?

"Hi Custard, Just checking on dd's age on 3rd of March, is she 8yrs old? What type of cards does she like?"

Dm is 70, and compos mentis. She will show photos of her gcs to others, and acts like is is really involved. She has no other grandchildren. I feel saddened by the message. She sees them every school holidays, and has never been any support, and can be quite selfish. I did think she knew how old they were though. Do I say anything to her?

Df died a year ago, and used to have a calendar and would have the age on, right up until he died, and we found out about his dementia. They were divorced for years. I'm maybe letting my feelings about df impact my feelings about dm.

My Mum used to write everyone's birthdays as in the year they were born into her phone book. We do an updated version on Google calendar so I can see the year anyone was born. My Mum has passed away but my Dad is in his 80s and will refer back to the phone book to check ages.

Dh and I are the same age his birthday Is first I'm just waiting to see if anybody mentions how old he is 😀

44 and would have sent messages like this about nieces and nephews- the years pass quickly, it’s not symbolic of not being interested

My dh got our eldest dc dob wrong for years.
It's just dh, he doesn't retain stuff like that.

Well I've had to ask my dd how old one of my grandchildren will be this year. And I'm only in my 50's. Meno brain has hit me hard.

Normal for DF and FIL; not normal for DSM and MIL who both know the ages of their four DGC.

Wouldn't bother me at all. Have to think a bit for even my own DC- sometimes you spend a long time thinking they're nearly X years, so then when the birthday comes you have to check that they are turning X not X+1!

Thanks everyone, I think I'm letting my relationship, and life grievances with dm, the death df (they were divorced for years) impact me. It is really good to get some perspective.

I write the year of birth next to kids’ birthdays on the calendar - apart from my own two!

DH frequently forgets how old he is (keeps saying he’s 42, he’s not!) and the other day asked DS1 his age. This is a very involved dad who is on the PTA and handles a lot of the mental load. The other day someone asked how old I was and I really had to stop and think.

My brother in his 30s asked me how old he is the other day! 😂

It wouldn't bother me if DM checked how old DD is, but she and DF are really involved grandparents who adore DD and she adores them. I would it take it as a sign of anything more than the way everyone has a 'oh my god, where has the time gone' moment every now and then.

If it was 'one more thing' in a litany of vague disinterest then yes, I probably would be upset.

My mum bought my son a card with the wrong age on it and we all found it hilarious.

Perfectly normal for them to ask in my opinion. Mum still hasn't lived it down.

I love my niece to pieces. I was there when she was born. I babysat her as a baby. I went to her first day of school. I still had to check how old she is recently!!!

I have the advantage of technology as I go back and look at photos and the time stamps 😂 I wouldn't expect a 70 year old to think of that.

Quite normal
I would think she lacks confidence and feels quite anxious about getting things wrong

Thank you, yes, dm hasn't been as interested as other gps, although she didn't know what a levels I was doing at college (there was only 3 at the time), so I shouldn't be surprised. It is good to know it is a normal thing, I've definately let other feelings make me overly touchy about it!

I spent a while the other day trying to remember if DD2 was 27 or 28. It took me way longer than it should have to work it out. She is 27 (I think!)

I'm sorry your relationship is difficult 😔
That aside the message seems ok, I always forget my middle niece/nephews ages and I love them very much! I also gave the wrong age for ME in a meeting at work the other day and had to send an email haha.

Comparison is the thief of joy.

Can you not just be happy she's remembered the birthday and sent a nice message about it?

My mother has no idea what the kids ages are but she's neurodiverse and has a mental illness. MIL and FIL know ages but are no help.

Yes, I think it’s quite normal. I have to have a think to remember anyone’s age and I certainly don’t remember all the younger members of the family.

Dh does the same with his gc. Always checks. I remember but it's his responsibility!

I honestly get my own age muddled sometimes. Today, I've scrolled back through my social media to check the age of my friends DD. I absolutely love her to bits, I just couldn't remember if she was 7 or 8.

Putting aside any backstory or other issues.

I think asking age is perfectly normal.

My both sets of grandparents plus aunts and uncles often have to be reminded of age on birthdays.

I don't remember all of my nieces and nephews exact age without thinking about it or checking.

I can't rem meet my parent's exact age and I barely remember my own age.

Mine did the same the other day. Gutted he was a year older than what he thought he was😂