Aibu to want men to walk in front

[walkthiswayornot]

Hello,

So to cut a long story short, I spend lots of time walking in various rural secluded places with my dog.

I often come across other people walking obviously. Which is clearly fine.

A few times I have felt uncomfortable as a lone woman when I have had men walking behind me. I realise that's my issue and they are entitled to walk and are probably totally innocent but still my heart always skips a beat.

For example this morning very early, just as the sun came up so fairly dark, I was walking in the woods and heard a stick snap behind. Turned around and a man was walking quite close behind me. I made an awkward attempt to move aside saying something about taking a slow walk. However he waited behind so I had to carry on. Eventually I left the path. As it happens I came across two other men at different points but they were in front of me going the opposite way, which felt much safer. I'm sure all 3 men were minding their own business and just living their own lives but I can't help but feel uneasy in certain situations. I wish I was more assertive so I could ask them to please walk in front, it feels less intimidating when they are walking ahead.

Are men conscious that this is an issue? Would you as a man step aside? As a woman would you be able to ask that? Aibu to ask that once I get a back bone?

My sons do this. I have told them that they are not to do it if crossing or taking the alternative path puts them in a more risky situation themselves. I do appreciate their awareness though. Maybe they've heard me talk to their sisters?

When I'm out, I'm wary of women too. They might be smaller but they can carry weapons and you only need to read the news to hear of some of the crimes women get involved in. I check out everyone around me but don't avoid isolated areas.

It is the shit partners/ ex partners that they are most at risk from. The survival instincts obviously are not that great.

What you are talking about is paranoia ins 99.9999999999% of cases

I usually just stop, stand side-on with my hand to one side to sort of indicate for them to come through and say something like "Do go ahead, you're a bit faster than me!" - never had an issue doing this.
If it's not entirely clear that you're letting someone through, they might be stopping in preference to carrying on walking and getting even closer to you on a narrow path. I've definitely 'hung back' before to avoid being uncomfortably close to other walkers who I assume have, like me, gone out alone for a bit of solitude.

I’ve never been concerned when there is someone walking behind me especially in daylight. I’d never leave the house if I were.

I know @Willoo - just goes to show how deeply ingrained it is, doesn't it?

The fact is, men are the ones who should be more wary of men walking behind them
Men are more at risk of some random man attacking them.

A man out walking is not a risk. Men should not be treated as a risk. Treating men as inherently a risk is more likely to push "good" men towards MRA feelings and groups because they can't just go about their lives without being called a creep etc just because they are doing something as normal as walking!

Paranoia which is only heightened by threads like this where there's an echo chamber of "men are bad"

Sorry but that is total bollocks @FallOfTheHouseOfUtterlyButterly

I have to admit when I'm out with the dog and I see a bloke I always look to see if he has a dog and feel myself relax a bit when he does

I realise a man with a dog could be a bad un as well but way less likely.

I don't want to make anyone feel bad and I realise the vast majority of men are good and decent but I still feel tense and on alert whenever I am out and about and nobody else is around except a bloke. My stupid bloody dog who is super friendly and loves all people often starts trying to drag me towards bloke to say hello and I have to just go with it or risk looking like a weirdo. I mean it's fine if he's got a dog but if he doesn't then the dog is making me do the complete opposite to what I want to do.

I did have a bad experience in my younger days when I man refuse to let me leave a train station. It was 11pm on a Sunday night and the train was busy but I must have been one of the last people to get off. You had to go up stairs to get out to the street and all of a sudden the lights were going off on the platform and a bloke had blocked my access to going up. I honestly think he was contemplating dragging me back down to the platform and raping me. He eventually let me past and I ran all the way to the bus stop and thankfully a bus came soon after. I never got a late night train again.

I do wonder if my next dog will be something big and protective rather than the small, fluffy mutt I currently have who would attempt to protect me for sure but would likely be injured quite easily.

It's not but OK

Feeling ostracised, feeling hard done by, feeling victimised are all reasons people move towards extremism

Yes. 'Tis true. Psychology 101.

Maybe they don’t like ppl walking behind them either!