Leaving 7 year old alone?

[Rumpapapum]

School gate is supposed to open at 8.45 but the teachers usually stroll out and open it as slow as possible at about 8.48.
2 days a week I have a train to catch and it’s cut very fine, if I stay those extra 3/4 minutes then 9/10 times I just miss the train I need.
Outside the gate at that time there’s usually a queue of atleast 50 kids and their parents.
WIBU to just leave my 7 year old in the queue at 8.45? I asked another mum and she said if she spots her she’ll watch her but can’t guarantee she’ll be there. I don’t know any others. Other option is breakfast club at £7.50 to save 3 minutes.

AIBU to leave her?

I think just ask people at the time rather than having one person earmarked in advance. I would very happily do this if asked at the gate, even if it worked out as every day, but I wouldn't want to commit to always doing it as that would mean that if we were late one particular day that person would feel we had let them down and I have to remember to text them if my DC is ill.

I would too - but I don't always take DS in as DH does also so lots may be like this

2 or 3 parents who have to rush off often ask me to keep an eye on their kid for a few mins waiting for the gates to open. Am sure you could find someone but in any case, I don’t think it’s too young to stand there for a few moments if there are lots of parents and kids waiting. Not a big deal.

Because the OP says she catches the train twice a week (well £15 actually).

I wouldn't leave her and I don't think school would be happy with a 7 year old left unsupervised outside. If there is no teacher there to open the gate then there's not going to be a teacher there for her if she falls over or gets scared or whatever.

If three minutes are the difference between you catching the train or not catching it then I'd put her in breakfast club and give yourself plenty of time to get to the station without any stress. If finances are tight then I would send a really polite email to the school explaining your situation and saying how much you'd appreciate it if they could be dead on time.

It is incredibly frustrating however I would have thought School would not be happy and would be concerned with you leaving your 7 year old at the gates. Can you email the school and ask that the gates are opened on time?

A childminders is unlikely to be able to do that, it would likely screw their ratios.

I used to have to do this and in my case, I had literally seconds to spare in order to get the train, in time you see the same parents in the same positions at the gate so just ask whoever is nearest you to keep an eye on your child until the gate opens. I don't think anyone would mind seeing that it is a matter of 2-3 minutes. I used to get worried that the teachers would notice but they never did. More faff to book and pay for breakfast club imo

I work at a school with this kind of system - children queuing outside the gates ready for school to open, no parents allowed on site. No-one here would bat an eyelid about a Y2 waiting in the queue alone. Yes, it is more of a risk than being inside school, because the children could in theory walk off. But there are so many parents milling around that if a smaller child were walking away from school, they would almost certainly be stopped. Yes, there is also a microscopic chance that children could be abducted; they would need to be quite willing to go with the adult as a child shouting or resisting would be noticed by 50+ parents.

But I think a lot depends on the school community and the nature of the queuing outside the gate.

I think if a 3 minute delay can lead to 9/10 times missing the train, you need a better solution overall. If breakfast club is too expensive, could you arrange to drop her with friends and for them to walk her to school?

Why on earth use so much money on breakfast club instead of saying to another mother "Please can you keep half an eye on Mabel for 3 minutes? I need to get the train"

And in what universe is a child going to singled out and snatched from a group of adults and children outside a school? Ridiculous.

You are not leaving your child alone, they will be surrounded by adults. Tell your child that they have to stay in the queue and go nowhere but through the school gates.

Yes, I was agreeing with her.

I applaud you for allowing your child this independence, despite the comments you got. I really hope I am brave enough to do this. It’s a crazy world where you would get judged for allowing your child appropriate independence but not for allowing them to be terminally online

Cause I'm not very good at sums and missed the 50p, Op goes for the train twice a week, £7.50×2=£15, x 4 weeks = £60 per month

That seems a lot for a few minutes childcare. And if it was round here there is no guarantee their breakfast club even would have space.

I still think at 7 the child would be absolutely fine. It's not much difference to playing outside is it?

@Needspaceforlego

Apologies. I missed the bit that said two days a week!!!!!

I would use breakfast club and enjoy not rushing. It’s stressful being tight on train times,

I would think the main concern is that your child wanders off before school starts. Who is responsible for her? The school would not want or should be expected to take responsibility for your child before they ae officially "in school". Random parents will assume that someone else is watching her.

Same issue with a child walking to school on their own and not getting there. Which is why typically (in the UK) this would be very unusual before about Year 5).

Aged six I used to travel 15 miles by bus on my own. I am now seventy!

Aged six I used to travel 15 miles to school by bus on my own. However, I am now seventy!

@RedSkyDelights nobody would really be responsible for her, exactly the same as kids walking to school. The 7yo would be responsible for herself to wait at the gate and go in when the gate is opened.

I don't know about England but I know in Scotland parents are informed by 9.30 if a child doesn't turn up.

Partly because of a boy Rory, 10 or 11, who went missing in Livingston 15-20 years ago. He was dropped off 100yds from the school but never made it. The alarm wasn't raised until home time.

My biggest concern would be the 7yo remembering something, so trying to follow their mother and getting lost or hurt crossing a road. Yes the school may ring... but they would have been missing a while by then!

This is what my DD did when shecstarted walking to school.... got there, realised she had forgotten her glasses so came home. It seemed logical to her.

Times have changed very few primary kids make their own way to school.
Not because they are less capable than they were 60 years ago.
Just parents are more aware of dangers or abduction and roads are busier.

So looking at this one the odds of being abducted outside a school with lots of people around is pretty remote. And she is at the gates so no roads to worry about.

Well, yes exactly. No one would be responsible for her - so if she decides to wander off or (for example) sees her friend across the road and runs across to get to her .. no one will stop her because they will assume that she is with someone else who is keeping an eye on her.

I suspect that OP would rather know her child had defintely got into school, than find out at 9.30 that she hadn't ...

Schools are also more answerable to general safeguarding of their students too; so now they have designated ages and permission slips for home walkers.

But this is where the op would have to drum in to her child that under no circumstance must she move from the queue, kids aren't daft and can understand why they shouldn't wander off if it's really pressed in to them.

Thanks for all the replies.

To answer:
Im not sure when school starts, they go in the gates and parents are not allowed through them, they go straight in. I think after 9 you’re classed as late.
The gates are on a road, not a busy road at all. Impossible to drive more than 5mph during drop off times.
its a very residential area, and the only people really there at that time are parents/kids.
shes a very good child. Never say never but she’s certainly not the sort to run across a road or mess about. She is confident and wouldn’t feel anxious about being alone. She often asks to walk to school herself (don’t worry, she won’t be!)

I feel conflicted as some of the responses here make me feel like I’d be risking her life for the sake of £60 ish a month. Equally I feel she would be fine and it feels mad to consider breakfast club. Lots of food for thought. Of course if I saw a parent I knew, I would annd have asked them. Most parents are like me and not at pick up/rushing around so I don’t think it’s as easy to make friends. I do have a friend who’s child is in year 6 at the school and she is always the first in the queue in the morning (without mum), I did consider asking her to watch her if I don’t see anyone else as she’s very sweet with my daughter but I assume that would be frowned upon too!

You definitely can’t ask an older kid to watch her .