Leaving 7 year old alone?

[Rumpapapum]

School gate is supposed to open at 8.45 but the teachers usually stroll out and open it as slow as possible at about 8.48.
2 days a week I have a train to catch and it’s cut very fine, if I stay those extra 3/4 minutes then 9/10 times I just miss the train I need.
Outside the gate at that time there’s usually a queue of atleast 50 kids and their parents.
WIBU to just leave my 7 year old in the queue at 8.45? I asked another mum and she said if she spots her she’ll watch her but can’t guarantee she’ll be there. I don’t know any others. Other option is breakfast club at £7.50 to save 3 minutes.

AIBU to leave her?

If it were me, I’d happily watch anybody else’s child at the gate, every day, not a problem.

If it were also me, I’d never leave my child at the gate alone (she’s also 7) and all parents and their children are also waiting outside the gate but the gate is right next to a main road that leads to 4-way lights, one of which leads to a motorway. My irrational mind would tell me my child could be snatched and on a motorway in less than 2 minutes.

I’d pay the breakfast club, get your child there as early as it suits you both so she can have breakfast there and you can have a calmer morning getting to work knowing they’re safe x

Op I'd leave her at the gate and go for the train. I can't actually imagine anything happening to her or her wandering off.

But 5mins outside the school, what could go wrong, she starts playing with another kid? Falls and gets a skint knee?

I'm sure the parents or staff would help her out? Nobody is going to watch a child cry alone.

Although I do think it might be worth saying to the school that you need to be on the train so you need to leave sharp. Could they open the gates on time. They probably just haven't thought about it.

How interesting! Any research I’ve looked at, says everything is much safer now. I’d be grateful if you could share this as I am not aware of the research you are referring to and I’d like any new updates.

I would honestly pay the £7.50 but I wouldn't trust my kid not to try and take the opportunity to play in the park all day or walk to Nana's or something

Is the world safer or is it kids just aren't allowed out of sight?

But even at that a potential abductor is not going to try a pluck a child from outside a school with a bunch of other parents watching.

f it were also me, I’d never leave my child at the gate alone (she’s also 7) and all parents and their children are also waiting outside the gate but the gate is right next to a main road that leads to 4-way lights, one of which leads to a motorway. My irrational mind would tell me my child could be snatched and on a motorway in less than 2 minutes.

I find this so strange. I wouldn't leave my 7 year old without supervision in this situation.... but not becuase I'd be worried about snatching (the chances of tha thappening are slim anyway, but outside a school gate FILLEd with children and parents?) but because I'd want to know someone is there if she falls over and hurts herself or she gets scared. That feels like a far more likely risk and one which she might not be ready to cope with alone yet.

This. Not acceptable for them to be late

I'm guessing that's £7.50 per day, £14 a week, £56 a month. That's not exactly cheap or small change when you add it up.

I think she'd be fine Op you know your child. Would she try and do something daft like play tig on the road?

Well of course you find it strange, you haven’t lived my life have you?
When I was pregnant with my daughter I watched my 18 month old nephew die so it created an irrational trauma response to me being convinced something bad would happen to my daughter.
I did put “my irrational mind” for a reason, because I know it’s an irrational worry but one that would make me never leave her outside a school by herself at 7.

I would email the school. If they are formally meant to be open at 8:45am, they need to open the gates bang on time. This is on them.

At our school it is explicitly fine to leave your child in the playground from 8:30. At 8:40 the bell rings and the doors open, but before then children can mill about and play with each other and parents don’t have to stay if they feel comfortable to leave the child.

I'm sorry that happened to you.

I wasn't attacking you and I think you have over reacted to me saying I find this sort of response strange. Which I do. And lots of people have fears like yours, and not all are as good as you at acknowledging they are irrational.

Oh I’m absolutely aware I’m batshit crazy when it comes to my daughter.
I have to have a stern talking to myself when it comes to letting her go on school trips and Brownies events etc. because I can’t let my fears ruin her opportunities in life.

Apologies for snapping at you!

Irresponsible parenting to leave a child alone anywhere. Pay for breakfast club or sort your hours at work so you're not rushing.

Is there a child minder amongst the adults waiting to go in?

If so, could you offer them say £20 a week to watch your child for a few minutes each morning?

While I agree with this, unfortunately it is so frowned upon that I would worry it’s not worth the hassle of people judging her for it.

I have a seven year old too and hoping he can start playing out with no supervision soon but god knows what people will think. Especially as he looks younger than he is

How does £7.50 a day work out at £14 per week?

There isn’t any research because it isn’t true. We have just been made to believe it is as we are all so more connected now, we hear more horror stories than we used to. We over protect kids in the real world and under protect them online in most cases. And online is where the real dangers reside.

@xRobin acknowledging the problem is half the battle. You're doing well.

I think that was actually my issue which, as you had acknowleged you were irrational, was perhaps a bit unfair to specifically tag you so my apologies too.

I get very frustrated at poor risk assessment. This is a bit of a trigger for me because DH's family are astonishingly bad at risk assessment but will argue until the cows come home that xx is very dangerous but YY is fine. So SIL also panics about her child being snatched.... and yet doesn't think twice about leaving a hyperactive child, who is being assessed for ADHD and is well known for impulsivity and poor decision-making, at home alone. When he was significantly younger, and still famous for being something of a "runner" I was completely horrified on my way to pick up my 10 year old DS from her house when I spotted my DS and his cousin attempting to cross a fairly busy road. While I WATCHED, DN started to run into the road and DS had to reach out adn grab him. I aged 5 years on the spot. She had decided that as DS was allowed to go to the shops alone, it was totally okay to put him in charge of her 5 year old. It literlaly did not occur to her that entrusting an 10 year old with that level of responsibility was a bit much and she was a bit snippy with me when I asked her to please never put DS in that position again!

Does it really matter what people think?
I judge parents who don't allow their kids any independence but since I do it entirely in my own head, I doubt it has earth-shattering effect on anyone.

I completely agree and it shouldn’t matter what people think. If all people do is just think it. But they don’t, they clutch pearls, complain to the school, ‘out’ you on social media, there have even been stories of police being called (albeit in the US) because a ten year old was walking along a road by himself - which is a completely normal thing to allow a ten year old to do.

The margins are too tight, even if you dropped her off and the school gates were opened exactly 8.45, you still aren't leaving yourself much time to get to the train station and I imagine that's stressful.

In your situation I'd make full use of the Breakfast club, or try and change your work hours to give you a slightly later start time if possible.

@Errors I think you're agreeing with @SunnyCrab actually? Statistically, children ARE safer today from the things that were harmful in the past. But as you say, online dangers are of course significant these days and I would add that a lot of things like menthal health issues etc are exacerbated and made worse today by social media/internet etc.

While I agree with this, unfortunately it is so frowned upon that I would worry it’s not worth the hassle of people judging her for it.

While I wouldn't leave my 7 year old, I actually agree with you. I can also confirm that yes, if you attempt to increase independence for your children earlier than their peers you will be judged, I still think it's worth it. I got quite a few calls and texts when DS was in year 5 and was allowed to walk home from school alone. People concerned about whether I knew he was out, and was it okay etc.

I often thought it was quite interesting - if they were really so worried, you'd think they'd have followed him home or asked him if he wanted a lift, but no, mostly they just wanted to let me know. Strange! . I let the judgement roll past me - I felt confident that DS' independence was more important.

Well, the same teachers who look after her when she falls over during the school day will be there within 3 minutes of her being left.

Get her an apple tag in her bag. Leave her at the gate. Call the school and explain you are having to leave her as the gates are not opened on time.