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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not get up with husbands 5am alarm?

116 replies

40andtryingtoimprove · 05/02/2025 18:11

My husband has a new job meaning a 5am alarm , we used to have a 6.30am alarm. I am a light sleeper so wake with the 5am alarm, probably fall back to sleep about 5.30am once he leaves, maybe a little after as I can’t settle, then my alarm wakes me at 6.30am for work. I feel awful everyday now, like I’m unwell!

i tried getting up with the 5am alarm on Monday and felt much better, but strangely exhausted by about 9am but then picked up again. But today I just couldn’t do it, so stayed in the nice warm bed, fell back to sleep then got jolted by my alarm and have felt unwell most of the day.

we go to bed at 10pm as have teenage dc so can’t go any earlier.

i just don’t know what to do for the best, I’m really struggling with tiredness. Im
a rubbish sleeper so it takes me a while to drop off each night plus I wake for the toilet at least once, where as husband sleeps a solid at 10pm - 5am.

OP posts:
EdithStourton · 05/02/2025 18:12

Earplugs?

CarCrashLifes · 05/02/2025 18:12

Earplugs. I never hear my husbands alarm

Doggymummar · 05/02/2025 18:13

My oh sleeps right through my alarm and gets up at 8-50. Earplugs

Daisy12Maisie · 05/02/2025 18:13

Noise cancelling headphones or sleep in a spare room if you have one.
Or just get up when he does and do yoga/ have a tidy or whatever else would be useful to you then go to bed early. Surely with a teenager you can just say I'm tired so going to bed early.

shellyleppard · 05/02/2025 18:13

Could your oh sleep elsewhere so you don't get disturbed??? Know it's not an ideal situation but sometimes needs must

876543A · 05/02/2025 18:15

Get him to use a smart-watch that has a vibrate setting as the alarm, so only he can feel it and it isn't noisy. It's really helped me. My DP has to get up at 4.40am and sometimes I do still get woken up by the movement when he leaves, but some days I sleep through it.

Also we go to bed at 9pm otherwise we both don't get enough sleep. Or can you sleep in a different room during the week?

TheBossOfMe · 05/02/2025 18:15

Waking up and going back to sleep afterwards is the worst IME. Far better to either avoid waking up - eg earplugs - or just get up when he does. And maybe cut down on evening fluids so you don’t need to get up in the night.

ImDoneOnceAndForAll · 05/02/2025 18:16

Earplugs to sleep through her husbands alarm
But then she would sleep through her own

Runningoutofthyme · 05/02/2025 18:16

Everyone in there rooms quiet from 9
your house, your rules
then you can get a proper nights sleep.

TimeForSpring · 05/02/2025 18:16

DH needs a system that doesn't wake you - probably sonething on his watch or under his pillow.

tillyandmilly · 05/02/2025 18:17

Wow that early! I would be sleeping separately

Oblomov25 · 05/02/2025 18:18

Dh has got up at 5am for the last 15 years. I do hate it, but not once have I ever considered getting up too.

Original poster
40andtryingtoimprove · 05/02/2025 18:18

I can’t where earplugs for some reason the feeling of them stops me sleeping properly. Plus I even wake if he uses the toilet I feel the bed move. Plus I can’t go to bed early I can’t fall asleep if the teenagers are awake I can hear them moving around. I’m such a light sleeper it’s horrible and wake frequently too. Sometimes I even wake if my husband moves in his sleep! I’ve had some result with taking piriton and getting a solid 5 hours but then I’m waking up about 4am. I don’t know what’s wrong with me! This morning I fell back to sleep about 5.30am, so got another hour but I feel like I’ve got jet lag today. I’m really struggling at work by mid week.

OP posts:
Runnersandtoms · 05/02/2025 18:18

Another vote for a vibrating watch alarm for him, you can get them cheaply on amazon and they are soft rubber so not uncomfortable to wear at night.

Original poster
40andtryingtoimprove · 05/02/2025 18:21

on the day I tried getting up at 5am I didn’t feel unwell, but I start work at 8am and by 9am I was tired! I did pick up after an hour or so but by the time I got home at 4.30pm I had a nap!! I was just so tired!! Husband seems fine though!

OP posts:
Original poster
40andtryingtoimprove · 05/02/2025 18:25

Even with the vibrating alarm I would feel him get up. I think how lightly I sleep is part of the problem

OP posts:
outofofficeagain · 05/02/2025 18:28

I'd get up at 5 and then have and afternoon nap if possible. Does your work allow for that? I work from home so often manage a quick 45 minutes to see me through.

I need more sleep than my husband, which he never seems to grasp.

Original poster
40andtryingtoimprove · 05/02/2025 18:30

There wouldn’t really be anywhere to nap apart from my car. I usually go on a 30 minute walk and buy a sandwich to eat at my desk. So I can get some exercise in as I’m too tired in the evening even before the 5am alarm

OP posts:
Doggymummar · 05/02/2025 18:30

A bigger bed might help? We got a super king in August and it's bliss it has a special mattress so you don't feel each other move. I never know if he is there or not without looking.

Original poster
40andtryingtoimprove · 05/02/2025 18:31

I think I found it hard getting up at 5 am as it’s cold and dark and I don’t need to be up. I wish I could just get up and do yoga! The day I tried getting up at 5am I just sat on mumsnet untik it was time to get ready for work!

OP posts:
Chasingsquirrels · 05/02/2025 18:32

Is separate bedrooms an option?

PermanentTemporary · 05/02/2025 18:34

I'd look at whether you can sleep separately.

Why does he have to get up so early? Could he change it back?

BrendaSmall · 05/02/2025 18:36

40andtryingtoimprove · 05/02/2025 18:31

I think I found it hard getting up at 5 am as it’s cold and dark and I don’t need to be up. I wish I could just get up and do yoga! The day I tried getting up at 5am I just sat on mumsnet untik it was time to get ready for work!

I get up @ 5 most days, I do my housework, do a pack lunch, put the washing on, get tea ready, I feel better if I’m busy before I leave @ 6.30/6.45 for work, I do 7 - 4, and it’s a physical job

BigBlueEyes678 · 05/02/2025 18:36

I sympathise. If anything wakes me up at 4 or 5am, I can never go back to sleep. I think we don't have as much melatonin to help us drift off at that time.

You need to find some ear plugs that work for you. I am also a very light sleeper but you can't expect the house to be dead quiet before you go to sleep.

Also, exercise makes a MASSIVE difference. I sleep much better and more deeply if I exercise that day.

WeCanOnlyDoOurBest · 05/02/2025 18:37

40andtryingtoimprove · 05/02/2025 18:21

on the day I tried getting up at 5am I didn’t feel unwell, but I start work at 8am and by 9am I was tired! I did pick up after an hour or so but by the time I got home at 4.30pm I had a nap!! I was just so tired!! Husband seems fine though!

You might find your body clock will adjust eventually. I’m a light sleeper too so can empathise, when my DD and DS lived at home I had a terrible sleep pattern hearing them come home after a night out, tapping on the computer in their bedroom when they were studying, and generally moving around the house, while all the time my DH slept through everything.
After they left home I changed jobs which required me to get up at 5am, DH and I slept in different bedrooms (he kicks and fidgets in his sleep) and I slept like a log. My body clock adjusted well, bed at 9pm, up at 5. We both agreed it was a good move, and we made up for it at weekends with a lie in 😉
Both retired now but still happy to sleep separately, we share a bed until it’s time to sleep, then we meet up again for a morning cuddle and a cuppa. It works well, we’re happy. ‘Sleeping’ in different rooms doesn’t have to affect your relationship, sometimes it can save it!