To not get up with husbands 5am alarm?

[40andtryingtoimprove]

My husband has a new job meaning a 5am alarm , we used to have a 6.30am alarm. I am a light sleeper so wake with the 5am alarm, probably fall back to sleep about 5.30am once he leaves, maybe a little after as I can’t settle, then my alarm wakes me at 6.30am for work. I feel awful everyday now, like I’m unwell!

i tried getting up with the 5am alarm on Monday and felt much better, but strangely exhausted by about 9am but then picked up again. But today I just couldn’t do it, so stayed in the nice warm bed, fell back to sleep then got jolted by my alarm and have felt unwell most of the day.

we go to bed at 10pm as have teenage dc so can’t go any earlier.

i just don’t know what to do for the best, I’m really struggling with tiredness. Im
a rubbish sleeper so it takes me a while to drop off each night plus I wake for the toilet at least once, where as husband sleeps a solid at 10pm - 5am.

You will get used to it, and soon sleep through his alarm. My dh has had various start times over the years. I actually prefer the early (5 or 5.30) starts as I am so deeply asleep I rarely hear him, your body will soon learn it doesn't have to be awake at that time.

Best tip is don't look at your phone to check the time, if you need a wee get up and have one and straight back in bed. If you can't fall back to sleep straight away just snooze and your body clock will soon learn.

Also dh gets straight up (snoozes are banned), his clothes are already out on the landing and he closes our bedroom door behind him.

if you want to try being up at 5 you need to give it more than one night. You won’t get into a routine for a while and until you do you will have tiredness. Not sure why you can’t go to bed earlier with a teenager, I tell mine to turn the lights off when they come up. Other than that, as others have said invest in some earplugs.

Does his alarm. Sound different to your one? Make sure it does. Then with a bit of luck within a few weeks you can "train" yourself to ignore it as your brain somehow registers it's not a relevant noise.
Make sure he gets dressed out of bedroom, all clothes, everything he needs ready in another room. Also really helps it they do not repeatedly use the snooze function but turn it off and get quietly up straight away.
That's what I've, on the whole, managed to do with DH getting up early, everytime he gets a new phone I have to train myself again to sleep through it.
Hopefully in a couple of weeks it will be better.
That groggy feeling you get when you you've had a short second sleep after being awake is horrible.

You can get silent alarms that you put under your pillow and they vibrate, so only the person with their head on that pillow wakes up.

My DH wakes naturally at 5 so at least I’m not woken by his alarm. He’s very quiet though and often uses a bathroom downstairs so he doesn’t wake me. After many years of getting four DCs up and to school I’m certainly not going to get up so early. I actually sleep better once he’s up, so I have a couple of hours of really good sleep before I struggle out of my pit.

I think you have to give it a couple of weeks to let your body adjust to the new waking time - you'll probably find it means falling asleep more easily as you will be tired by 10pm - try not to have the nap in the afternoon after work.

Then you can start to make that 5-7am time productive - get things done and out of the way so that you'll have more time in the evenings and weekends.

Agree with this, then get up at 5.30, your body clock will get used to it. Waking early then going back to sleep is the problem.

My DH gets up at 5.30 every morning during the week. I have always worn earplugs to bed and could still hear his alarm (and him 'quietly' getting dressed and washed.) I make him sleep and get dressed in a different room now. Saves listening to him snoring too, bliss!

I would avoid drinking anything after dinner (to see if it helps with the going to the bathroom in the middle of the night, try magnesium, no phone screen after 7/8, go to bed and read for a bit at around 9pm (encouraging DC to be quiet after 9) to see if that helps you get to sleep easier/earlier. Get up at 5am - prep dinner for later, do yoga, whatever, and try it for a good week or two to see if you can get into a new sleep pattern. But you need to be consistent with it. Good luck with it, feeling sleep deprived is awful!

What do you mean by you feel unwell? What symptoms are you experiencing?

Thanks everyone! I’m going to make 9-10pm quiet time before bed and see if I can sleep through until 5am eventually. I’m going to stick with it and see if I can get into a new routine.

You sound exactly like my husband was until 18 months ago. Always been a really light sleeper, I could turn over in bed and he woke up. I get up to the bathroom and he woke up. I had to go to bed at the same time, as he would wake up when i walked in the bedroom, however quietly. For over 25 years, he would hear the slightest noise and be awake.
Then he researched weighted blankets, bought one. It is like he is a different person. I can go to bed later, he doesnt wake up. I can get in and out of bed, he doesnt stir. It has been a real help to him, sleeping better and also I dont have to tiptoe around.

Why can’t you go to bed earlier than teenage DC?

Could you get a bigger bed. Two duvets (once each) to minimise disturbance?

Have you always been the same or could it be menopause related?

I love yoga and have been doing it for years, but no amount of 5am yoga would compensate for broken sleep!

I was going to say the same thing. Unless you’ve always been a light sleeper?

The insomnia in early stage menopause is awful. HRT made a huge difference for me.

If you can’t sleep because your dc are up and you would wake even if your dh had a vibrating watch and crept out the room, then you have to address your sleeping rather than focus on the alarm.

Even though HRT made a difference, I’ve never slept as deeply since hormonal changes in 40s. I just sleep less now and that’s okay.

Not a quick or cheap fix, so might not be viable, but i knew someone who was a light sleeper and woken often by her husband just existing in the bed next to her. They ended up getting 2 single beds pushed next to each other with a big duvet to make a double (super king?) bed. It stopped the movement traveling through the mattress and waking her.

@40andtryingtoimprove i hear you . I feel 5am is still the middle of the night. .
I use to get up for early shift at 5am and I’d be shattered all day . Even going to bed early the night before didn’t help. .

I’d sleep in a separate room. That’s all you can do !?

Oooh I will have a look at weighted blankets thank you!

i have always been a terrible sleeper so I think this 5am alarm is pushing me over the edge!

i think last night I slept 10.30-1.30, then 1.45ish until 4.45am then obviously the alarm went off at 5am. I felt so sick and tired I laid there until 5.30am when I heard dh leave for work, then I got up and made a hot drink, but now the dc have also woken up with me moving around. I’m just sitting in bed now looking online while I feel sick and hungry! I start work at 8am so need to leave here about 7.30am, it’s going to be a long day at work!

Unfortunately we don’t have a spare bedroom, and our sofa is tiny and uncomfortable

Well it’s 10 minutes until the time my alarm usually goes off and I actually feel terrible, even worse than when I drift back to sleep! I feel sick and like I could just go back to bed now but I need to leave for work in just over an hour.

i really hate my husbands new job! He got made redundant though so had to take this one with the earlier start. We used to sleep 10.30-6.30, and even though I used to wake several times it felt better than this!

thinking about it I think I always woke up at 1.30 and 4.45. But I guess fell back to sleep until the 6.30 alarm. Instead of being woken by the 5am alarm.

im so tired I could cry. Sorry if I sound dramatic!

Why can’t you go to bed earlier? I’ve been going to bed earlier than my teens for years. They can entertain themselves at that age for a little longer. Going to sleep earlier is the only thing that’s going to help.

How is your dh coping with the new alarm time?

It might be better to ease into this as a new routine, rather trying to fight it.

I wake at 5am naturally, as where I live things open and start early (kids have to be at school for 7.15am) so its just my body clock, I don't even have dc at school anymore but I still wake up then.

I go to bed early though. Some people scoff and say how on earth, but I go for bed around 9pm.

What I would do is get some Melatonin and take that before bed.
Or magnesium (glycinate, there are many types), this one is best for sleep.
Go to bed earlier. Do you really have to stay awake just because your teens are, or is this just habit.
Then get up at 5am with your dh and start your day then. You could do allsorts in that hour, do a slow workout or pilates session on Youtube, get the washing on, peel the potatoes, take the dog for a walk etc.
It's a habit you need to break though, so you have to be consistent. Any drastic change to a routine is going to make the body think wtf for a while though.

I think quite a lot of people find that going back to sleep after say a 5am wake, makes them feel worse than just getting up then and staying awake. If I do wake and then fall back to sleep for some reason, then I do tend to feel a bit more groggy in the day.

That's one of the worst times to be woken, as you said you'll just fall into a deep sleep when your alarm goes off and you'll end up feeling sluggish all day.

Because I’m a light sleeper and they chat to their friends online and I can hear them. Also dh comes to bed at 10pm so that would wake me back up too. I think maybe this is a lot of the problem is I’ve always been a light sleeper