To not get up with husbands 5am alarm?

[40andtryingtoimprove]

My husband has a new job meaning a 5am alarm , we used to have a 6.30am alarm. I am a light sleeper so wake with the 5am alarm, probably fall back to sleep about 5.30am once he leaves, maybe a little after as I can’t settle, then my alarm wakes me at 6.30am for work. I feel awful everyday now, like I’m unwell!

i tried getting up with the 5am alarm on Monday and felt much better, but strangely exhausted by about 9am but then picked up again. But today I just couldn’t do it, so stayed in the nice warm bed, fell back to sleep then got jolted by my alarm and have felt unwell most of the day.

we go to bed at 10pm as have teenage dc so can’t go any earlier.

i just don’t know what to do for the best, I’m really struggling with tiredness. Im
a rubbish sleeper so it takes me a while to drop off each night plus I wake for the toilet at least once, where as husband sleeps a solid at 10pm - 5am.

@40andtryingtoimprove

"we go to bed at 10pm as have teenage dc so can’t go any earlier."

Why not? They're certainly capable of getting themselves to bed on their own and are 'trustworthy' enough not to burn down the house. Ours often went to bed after we did, but they were usually upstairs in their rooms after supper anyway.

Caveat: this was when internet was dial up, our computer was downstairs and password protected, and no such things as smartphones. I'd like to think that I'd still have been able to trust them.

I can relate OP. I’m a light sleeper which means I struggle to drop off, wake frequently with any noise, struggle to go back to sleep again. If I’m not laid down on a bed in silence in the dark it’s not possible for me to sleep, I’ve not had a nap in 30 years and I’ve never fallen asleep without a good hour or so concerted effort on my part.

I can’t wear earplugs either, so currently I get to bed on average 12.45am, get to sleep between 1.30-2am, usually get woken 2-3 times by snoring and get up for the day at 6.50am. I know it’s not 5am but there’s no way of me going to bed earlier.

It’s an absolute mindfuck and so annoying. I wake up if my partner gets out of bed. I wake up if he turns over in bed. I wake up if any door opens or closes in the house so if anyone gets a glass of water or needs a wee I’m awake and there are five of us. I wake up if it’s not blackout dark. I wake up if the dog barks or the cat miaows and they are locked downstairs. I wake up if my partner snores in the spare room so it’s no good him going there. I wake up too hot and I wake up too cold. I get it entirely! I wish I could be more useful so I’m following for ideas.

Seperate bedrooms or separate beds.

Wake up at 5 but have DH bring you a coffee in bed before he leaves so your up but still relaxed and resting

You'll get used to it. My husband got up at 4.30 for years, when I had my alarm for 6. He was good at silencing it right away, and creeping out of the room in the dark. He would leave his clothes in another room. I would often sleep through, and if I woke it was easy to nod back off.

He just needs to get a vibrating alarm, he can wear it on wrist, it won't wake you, it's a tot game changer

Where are you all getting your earplugs from that they keep alarm noise out. Feel like I've tried them all but they're all a bit shit. Or I've got mega (annoying) hearing

You can get alarms that gave a vibrating thing you put under your pillow.

Could you try getting up and settling on the sofa with a blanker with tea/coffee and breakfast for an hour. It would probably be nicer to doze there with a book, or you phone than drop back into a deep sleep for under an hour then be yanked awake.
My preferred morning is with about 3 hours pottering/sofa slumps before I do anytime productive, I hate getting up and going straight out. (I can DO it, I just don't like it!)

White noice machine. Blocks everything out. Couldn't sleep without mine

He needs to be more mindful.

On the days I get up at 4:45 to go the gym before work; I prep the night before.

• Leave my clothes downstairs
• Have a very quiet alarm that I immediately switch off
• only use my phone screen for light.

Then I creep out of the bedroom like a mouse.

Main thing is having everything sorted the night before. So I’m not fiddling about in the bedroom looking for stuff.

This. With today's technology there is no excuse for a noisy alarm.

How does he feel at the end of day after getting up so early? I often have to get up an hour or so before DH, am quiet, well so I think, but of course DC hear and may wake up. When I get home I'm fortunate to sometimes have an hour downtime to just decompress from the day, he wfh and has more time during a less busy day to do some housework, have a nap and prep meals so it's give and take. Xx

OP, you don't mention your age, just that you have teenagers, but broken sleep (you mention sometimes waking at 4am) and waking for the loo could be perimenopause. Localised oestrogen means I don't wake for the loo any more and HRT gives me a much better night's sleep.

I am 42, with a 12 year old and 14 year old

As a life-long bad/light sleeper I sympathise.

From what you say, it's the dozing off after the 05.00 alarm that's causing the problem - this is what happens to me if I go back to sleep. I seem to go into a very deep sleep (which somehow eludes me overnight!) then wake up feeling groggy and it's hard to shake off.

As a pp has said I find it better to get up and do chores/meal prep in that time - it's 90 minutes less time in bed but overall I find it more beneficial.

Magnesium before bed may help you to achieve a better quality sleep.

Why can't you go to bed earlier with teens though? Surely they can amuse themselves from 8pm onwards

Can you try white noise, there are different kinds and frequencies but I find it easier to block things out. Could your husband use a fitbit vibrating alarm? Although sounds like you will wake up anyway with him moving.

Phenergan

My DC are the same age and I don't wait up for the eldest. I put the youngest to bed, then tell 14 yo to have a shower/get in bed/agree a time he's turning TV off etc....then just go myself
I do agree with you that it's harder on the cold dark mornings. Hopefully it'll improve for you as mornings get lighter.

I’ve felt terrible again all day, really groggy and tired, so I’m going to try getting up at 5am tomorrow. I’m thinking as it’s Friday then if it’s a disaster at least I’ll have the weekend to recover!

I will be in bed for 10pm and hopefully fall straight to sleep, we will see.

My DH used to get up at 5.30am & I’m a really light sleeper so we sleep separately but we’re lucky to have a spare room. Now I go to bed earlier than him & I’m up around 7am & he sleeps in until 8.30/9am so sleeping separately really works for us.
Can you do this OP?

Sleep divorce is the answer, separate beds in separate rooms if possible, at least on work days. I'm a very restless sleeper, can have several nights in the week where I wake up early hours or can't get to sleep until.early hours,. Sleeping separately means I am free to move about, get up, go.downstairs etc, without disturbing Dh.
My other thought was to have a general health check, sleep disturbances and fatigue often have an underlying physical cause

I think I would think of it as a treat time. Make hot chocolate and get cozy on the safi with a Netflix series and enjoy that hour to myself x