Best friend angry at my government benefits

[mumof1x99]

My best friend asked me a couple of times how much money I get on benefits (I get universal credit, carer's allowance, child benefit and DLA for my child)

We generally have a very open friendship but I avoided the question a couple of times because I felt a bit uncomfortable answering

She spun it in a way that her cousin was applying for DLA for her disabled child and wanted to know what extra she could get etc

I ended up telling her and now she's been ignoring me for a week. She said it was ridiculous that I get pretty much twice as much as her full time job etc

I understand the frustration but it's not my fault, I simply claim what's out there for me to claim. I'm a single mother to a disabled child

AIBU? How can I make this right?

Absolutely nothing to do with her. Tell her to get over herself. You don't have anything to put right.

As a side note, you also never have to justify what you spend your money on. Remember it is exactly that - YOUR money. You can spend it on anything you want. If you want to buy yourself nice things, have treats, go on holiday etc that is completely fine and nobody else's business. Just because the money comes from benefits is entirely irrelevant.

Fucking hell from reception to year 6?

it is good to know we all can get benefits if and when needed; now I hope that puts everyone's mind at ease
I have 0 h contract and cannot find a good job - either shitty manager, either abusive customers or and a manager, either they don't give you hours. The minute my husband goes, I would be applying for benefits if the mortgage doesn't get paid off and his pension that I will get is too tight

we have a child who is not SEN registered however she had fair deal of health issues and her food alone cost 1000 a month

When I came to the UK and said to my chauvinist father that I like how well socially organised the country seems, he was rude to me that I am not here for benefits but to work my ass off and be a proud EU worker. Right, I am. Also I don't find many good jobs.

I work hard and will get any salary I can and when that is impossible, any benefits I can also. Now that will put it into a perspective for yall right.

OP is know it's too late now, but what you get is no one else's business. The rates are available for anyone to look at on the government website, but you shouldn't feel the need to tell anyone how much you and your DC get. Your friend sounds like an utter dick, DLA is not means tested so it has no bearing on whether you're working, studying or unemployed. So is your friend wishing her child was disabled so that she can get more money? What has it actually got to do with her and how dare she behave this way after trying to eke the information out of you. Friends don't behave that way. Definitely keep your finances to yourself, it's ok to say your finances are private.

She's an arse and you are better off without her.

This is so goady, I very much doubt OP is who she says he is. Another benefit bashing thread.

Why so mad? Its free for everyone from reception to year 2 anyway. 7k a year is very low most people on 7k don't become rich they just work more hours when the children are at school and are still broke. I don't make the rules but presumably that's the rationale behind it.

You have nothing to make right.
She can take up her grievance with her elected representatives.

There is no such thing as SEN registered
If you think your child qualify, s for DLA put in a claim.

If her child had your child's disability she would also get DLA for them. DLA is irrelevant to 'getting more on benefits than working'.

How is her husband being in prison in anyway her fault? And why does that not allowed her to judge ofhers

Shouldn't you have to prove it every September or something?

You can make it right by cutting her off.

Horrible sly judgmental woman....she's no friend.

It sounds to me like she is frustrated about her own situation and is taking it out on you as she thinks you have it easier financially. It is a shame she hasn't thought about the fact you get that money for your disabled child, it's not just "extra", it's to help meet their needs. Of course it is very difficult if she is not earning enough to support her family despite being in full time work. I can understand why you feel sorry for her. But that doesn't mean you and your DC shouldn't get DLA.

Hmmm I don't like how you put lol about someone getting IVF at 48.....you didn't like being judged so perhaps don't judge others.

Maybe. I don't actually know. Child starts year three in September so we'll see but I was told when he started reception it would last til year 6.

If she's resentful of the amount you get for your disabled child she's no friend nor does she have any empathy for your child.. Free money ii think not!
I'm in receipt of enhanced PIP because of my Cerebral Palsy and have had similar comments.
Would they like my disability too?!
Cheeky bitch
I would ask her to her face if she'd like to swap with your situation
Google exists and rates and extra " perks"... as if they are perks!! are available online
Can you tell I'm pissed off!

By the way having a disability is expensive
The purpose of DLA/PIP is to bring the claimants standard of living up to the same standard as an able bodied person

She should not have asked you, op. One can look online and find out what DLA payments are likely to be, it's easy enough to do. She had a flipping cheek to ask.

However you didn't have to tell her or you could have been vague.

Your friend needs to consider how fortunate she is not to need DLA or benefits. I doubt many people who are sick and/or disabled think they are fortunate, they'd far rather be able bodied/have able-bodied children and be able to go out to work, mix with colleagues and have a normal life. It's no picnic.

I hate resentment of any kind but this is the worst. Any one of us could have an accident and become disabled, nobody knows what is around the corner.

Lot's of things are unfair in life. Pretty much anyone living in the uk even on minimum wage earns morw than 80 percent of the world population. I think I read something about the fact that only 5% of the worlds population have ever taken an international flight. I could be annoyed about so many things, but squabbling with friends over the fact they have a few hundred pounds more than me is not worth my time. Your friend can be annoyed at a system that allows for such a huge divide between the top 0.1% and the rest of humanity, but shouldn't begrudge you your benefits. She is obviously unhappy and can't see the bigger picture. I am not sure you can rectify it tbh, she needs to see things from a different perspective and youre not the one to show it to her.

Well her ‘friend’ is out of the house probably 50 hours a week grafing and only getting half what the OP gets staying at home.

With her disabled child.

Would OP's ''friend'' prefer her child to be disabled?

Not OP's problem. If OP's friend is on such shit money that even 50 hours per week is less than someone who is claiming benefits for their disabled child, then that is on her to sort out. Her friend is probably entitled to benefits herself. If she is too proud to claim, that is on her too... not OP.

And OP is not just "staying at home". She is a full time carer for her disabled child.