Best friend angry at my government benefits

[mumof1x99]

My best friend asked me a couple of times how much money I get on benefits (I get universal credit, carer's allowance, child benefit and DLA for my child)

We generally have a very open friendship but I avoided the question a couple of times because I felt a bit uncomfortable answering

She spun it in a way that her cousin was applying for DLA for her disabled child and wanted to know what extra she could get etc

I ended up telling her and now she's been ignoring me for a week. She said it was ridiculous that I get pretty much twice as much as her full time job etc

I understand the frustration but it's not my fault, I simply claim what's out there for me to claim. I'm a single mother to a disabled child

AIBU? How can I make this right?

@HellsBalls £30 a week and has his child twice a month. Not sure what relevance that is though

Exactly. The application is complex and medical evidence needs to be sent in. Phone calls are made to health professionals and schools. So if a child receives middle or high rate, it’s because it’s what they need!
And therefore carers allowance is paid because of the needs of the child as stated in the DLA application, confirmed by medical records and professionals.

That should say: "you are not being unreasonable." Apologies.

Surely working out what the actual costs are would cost a lot more in admin?
And it can vary lots week on week. And some people will actually need a whole lot more money than what PIP/DLA was paying.

It would be impossible. Getting those benefits are already so difficult with 20+ week waits, appeals etc it would be much worse if they added that to it as well.

lol doesn't sound like a best friend to
Me

And a lot will need a lot less.

But the admin to work this out would probably cost more than any savings made.

@HellsBalls to get carers allowance your child needs to be getting high rate DLA, you do not get high rate DLA easily or for mild things; this means they require care night and day ( often meaning the carer doesn't get a continuous stretch of sleep long after night waking is no longer considered normal) and are severely limited, the OP says the child has a physical disability which they should be able to manage better as they get older so the child will be more independent. at that stage the level of DLA may changeor it may mean that the child will be able to use the aids available more easily or operate some of the equipment themselves safely

to get carers allowance your child needs to be getting high rate DLA

No you don’t. The child needs to be in receipt or mid or high rate care DLA.

Middle rate care.

This is correct. My ds receives middle rate care and I receive carers allowance.

And so it should not happen. The costs involved auditing the sheer numbers of people on these benefits would be colossal. How would trying to implement such an unworkable system be cost effective? I would wager that many people would require more money than what they are actually receiving as well, so hardly saving any money, in fact maybe having to spend more.

Anyone who’s pissed off that a disabled CHILD is being provided with enough funds to live a comfortable and fulfilling life is utterly sick in the head.

There’s no amount of money on earth that would take away the pain and worry a mother of a disabled child goes through, who the hell could begrudge them a fair income to at least be comfortable and take away a tiny bit of stress?

I have a friend with a severely disabled son and it’s hell on earth for her.

Basing it on additional costs would be too complicated as they will vary a lot. One month could include lots of hospital appointments where a carer and transport is required, some costs will be once every few years such as mobility equipment, some therapies will be short term, some longer term, some may end then another could start after a gap. A lot of disability benefits are going on therapies as there is harldly anything available through the NHS.
A carer may be able to manage a zero hour contract job but the hours they're available week to week could be drastically different based on the needs of the disabled person fluctuating and/or help from others to care for disabled person whilst carer works.

sorry my mistake about middle rate

@StormingNorman No, it's appalling if people who choose not to work for no good reason are better off than people who work.

I don't think any decent person would begrudge disabled people and/or their carers a decent standard of living.

One claims DBA because her child has ADHD, yet her child is in full time education and doesn't have any additional needs that, in my view, require extra money

you’re not the person assessing the application, are you? Your view, such as it is, counts for sod all. All children should be in full time education. Why would you suggest otherwise? Mum may, however, be expected to pick up said child at a moment’s notice. Did you think of that?

I simply do not understand how people can receive payments for 'disabilities' that do not actually result in additional financial hardship

you have children with these conditions and can categorically say that there is no cost? You know for a fact that these children go to bed at 7pm and sleep solidly till 6am every night? You are an expert in all possible conditions and situations that may entitle a child to DLA? You’ve completed DLA forms and understand how it works and what has to be proven before an award is made?

Only a couple have SEN children so get extra DLA and the money isn't needed for extra support because it's all provided free

I think any parent with a child with a disability would disagree with that. You need to provide evidence. And anyway, as above, what qualifies you in your extensive understanding of all potential conditions that might qualify a child to receive DLA? And what do you know of costs?

Some friends, who are single parents, but actually aren't as they have partners who work and help, also DC fathers cash maintenance

Maintenance can be paid in cash, you realise that? There is nothing illegal about that.

You’re not being unreasonable to claim what you can. What is unreasonable is that you can legitimately get twice what a working person gets!

There are plenty of people on this thread, who are apparently medical experts in all possible conditions and diseases, as well as having extensive knowledge of what is and what isn’t provided free of charge, who are more than happy to see families managing disabilities with the bare minimum possible and probably not even that.

She gets more (maybe) because she has a disabled child.
It is not the same as someone working with no disabilities, or a disabled kid. It is not the same.

You’ve done nothing wrong. I’m glad that you’re entitled to money to help you and your family. I imagine her issue is bitterness about her own situation, not actually a reflection of you or your situation.

You should have read my follow up for all the people who misinterpreted what I wrote 😂

In the case of my friend on UC, she gets her rent paid, less council tax, the UC for herself and DC, also DLA. That's all I meant by free, actually money paid into her account without having to work for it.

Having a disabled child of course DLA is necessary, which covers more than the expenses as IME most support is free or minimum cost for activities, especially if claiming UC, free holiday clubs and meals for the whole year.

That's my point, if on UC and DLA, so much is actually free, also the bags of items given out to parents. Xx

Yes this is because they need to assess the true viability. Sorry to say but quite a few parents are desperate to get their DC diagnosed but they aren't ADHD. Please feel free to come back on this and I will give you true stories! Xx