To complain about the amount of bereavement leave a colleagues has been given

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To preface, this is not about my colleague who I really like and I feel truly horrendous for her that she's lost her Mum. By all means, they should do what they need to for them and why not take this if its being offered. My issue is with the management who have approved it.

The problem is we are a very small team and she has been off for a month. She is now about to come back but has an agreed phased return in place that will last another month and the rest of us in the team are having to cover an awful lot that we simply don't have the capacity for. We have a lot of responsibilities that, from upper management, all need to be prioritised so everyone is now having to squeeze in a lot more to accommodate this colleague's leave and it has been incredibly difficult. Several staff have acrewed significant TOIL which my manager will not approve for them to take back yet because we are so short staffed.

The policy clearly states that bereavement leave can be offered for 3 days. Whilst I know this leave can be extended at the manager's discretion, what has been approved feels so excessive and with no consideration to the impact having so much leave has on the rest of us.
I have worked in the NHS a long time and never known anything like this amount of bereavement leave being approved. The most I have seen a manager approve before is 2 weeks and no phased return. And before anyone says, I know it is being recorded as bereavement leave and not sick leave because part of my responsibility is to log it on ESR as a proxy for our manager.

WIBU to go above my manager and complain about the decision to approve this.

The amount of people who can’t properly read an opening post is incredible

I wasn't in work when I lost my dad, as my youngest was 1 however, I was in a terrible fog for 6 months and it took at least a year before my life resembled anything normal.
I think bereavement leave is poor anyway. I don't know how anybody could be expected to work within a few weeks after the death of a loved one. Of course, I recognise that some people will need to go back sooner for their mental health and that's ok, everybody's different.
Your real issue here is understaffing. One person off shouldn't have the ability to ruin the whole system. As others have pointed out, you're looking in the wrong place of blame here.

My colleague also took no time off after her mother died, a few days, even though she had nursed her mum for years.
She also had it hit her later. We were at a work event overseas about 7-8 months later and she had a breakdown. Couldn’t function, couldn’t stop crying, was flown home early and off for 3 months then on PT hours for months.
And for what? We’re not a life and death business, it was sales and someone else would have covered, or not. She was STRONGLY encouraged at the time to stay off but insisted that she ‘needed’ to work.

Regardless of the reason that a team is under resourced, it is the responsibility of the managers to either:
a) get temporary backfill
b) decide on and take responsibility for reduction in output, communicating this with stakeholders.

it is absolutely not the responsibility of the team to pick up excessive workload to the point they need lots of TOIL.

the odd TOIL day here or there is one thing but regular TOIL is in of itself a big problem.

Not being able to take that TOIL is potentially a breach of contract. Massive red flag and people will burn out, leading to bigger problems.

What happens if you just refuse to work extra?

The terrible bereavement your colleague has suffered is strictly between them and their line manager.

Is this true? Surely it's not a national policy?
If so it would be ridiculous. I know NHS is generous with sick leave but a month for bereavement is way too long. I understand there will be circumstances when people need a month or more but it's crazy if that's the norm.

If your team is understaffed then that is the issue you should be raising with management.

It's none of your business as to why a colleague is off. You'd be extremely unwise to complain and it could backfire on you.

Same here @Tumbleweed101 . And yes, if a parent dies then generally the (adult) children are the ones responsible for sorting a funeral, probate etc. You really can't do that and all that it involves if you're meant to be working.

Your poor colleague. I had 6 weeks off from my nhs job after my brother died. I’d have been even more devastated if my colleagues were openly complaining about me being off and posting about it on the internet. It wouldn’t be difficult for the person concerned to recognise herself from this thread. I suggest you revisit your GDPR training ASAP as if this came to light, you’d be held personally liable.

As others have said, you need to raise the issue of overwork with your management. Leave your colleague out of it and hand the logging of absences over to someone who can be trusted not to post about them on an open public forum

We had a very similar scenario in my team a couple of years ago when a colleague lost her mum (very unexpectedly).

Our policy says 3 days, but she was then signed off sick for 6 weeks as she wasn't coping well.
It put a lot of pressure on our team but in no way did any of us feel that was her fault.

It is up to management to deal with staff absence and ensure that the rest of the team are not unduly impacted.

No one knows how they will react to the death of a loved one. When my dad died I had two days off work as that is all I needed. Others need several weeks. There is no right or wrong length of time to grieve.

You need to ask your manager to manage.

This

What a downright awful suggestion. The problem is not the leave being approved. It's the fact that her team mates have no or little empathy.

That does seem like a long time

I agree. And different roles. My role requires me to be cognitively and emotionally functioning highly. I can’t do my job if I can’t process complex ideas and maintain my emotional equilibrium. Had I been in one of my jobs I did as a student like waitressing or admin, I’d have been able to go back to work sooner. I had to take enough time off that I could do my job safely and sustainably.

Kindly, you're being a dick OP! The issue is not her leave, it's your managers lack of support.

Ok. So imagine this;

You find out your husband is having an affair and wants a divorce. You also have two young children that need caring for, one has a health condition that takes a lot of looking after. At the same time…
You are having investigations to see if you have cancer, but are managing to hold it together and stay in work.

It’s hard but with support you are doing a good job.

Then your mum dies suddenly. She was your rock. The one supporting you through the cancer investigations and divorce. The one helping you with childcare.

Is it too long to take off now?

NEVER EVER judge someone’s grief.

Where I work I could get up to 6 months sick leave fully paid if needed. I have been lucky enough to never need it so far but it's there. (I have taken one day this year for a family emergency). I don't know what they put that down as and don't really care as it makes no difference to me.
So even if the policy is 3 days if the colleague has said I feel so awful I can't come back to work they have probably just extended the bereavement leave as ultimately it's irrelevant whether she is taking bereavement or sick leave. That would only make a difference if you worked somewhere where there wasn't sick leave. So if she isn't ready to come back to work whether management tell her she will have to take any more leave as sick leave or they don't (in this case) then the end result is the same and she won't be at work.
It's not on though that you all have an unmanageable workload.

Well said.

Aren't you bound by confidentiality in your work? Whether it's bereavement or sickness, despite the fact you do the coding, is NONE of your business. obviously your colleague is not identifiable but you shouldn't be using your knowledge of her confidential information, or discussing it with anyone, anywhere.

Why does this matter to you that it is bereavement leave? If it wasn't approved as bereavement, and she cannot work then she'd go to her doctor who I am sure would sign her off sick instead. That wouldn't change your workload at all. In fact, it might result in her being off longer.

Most people I know who lost a parent or childless aunt/uncle and are listed as next of kin have a month off with combination of paid bereavement leave and sick. Especially when gap between death and funeral can be 7 weeks in the UK!

Think employers need to do better with regards to bereavement leave. Nine years ago, a friend lost her DS in a car accident. She had to wait two months into the inquest - she was in no state to return to work. Her manager kept ringing her asking when she was going to return to work. This was despite having sick notes for 6 weeks.

One former colleague lost his DF and had a week to clear the bungalow.

I was just going from what the op said, she didnt mention any of that, but we all go through tough times

Wow try and have a bit of empathy. Your colleague’s leave is absolutely none of your business. Everyone deals with grief in different ways, you can’t dictate it to them how they should deal with it. She might be having MH issues, which again are none of your business. The poor woman, having to work with someone like you. Please try to be nice and understanding to her when she gets back, even though it sounds like this would come very unnaturally to you.

There comes a point when the impact of being off becomes unsustainable for colleagues and for the finances of the organisation. My view is that if you can go back, you should.

My DM died when I was in my early 20s. I went back after 11 days - 2 days leave already booked, 2 weekends and 5 days bereavement leave. Was I 'ready'? No. Did it do me good? Yes. It gave me things to do other than sitting at home crying.

What a nasty thread, have some compassion Op 😡

And we all deal with it differently. I have two colleagues, both whose parents were having cancer treatment. One of them came to work everyday and coped by talking to us and keeping busy, the other needed a couple of months off work. There is no right or wrong way to cope with grief and loss