To complain about the amount of bereavement leave a colleagues has been given

[Justgoogleitlater]

To preface, this is not about my colleague who I really like and I feel truly horrendous for her that she's lost her Mum. By all means, they should do what they need to for them and why not take this if its being offered. My issue is with the management who have approved it.

The problem is we are a very small team and she has been off for a month. She is now about to come back but has an agreed phased return in place that will last another month and the rest of us in the team are having to cover an awful lot that we simply don't have the capacity for. We have a lot of responsibilities that, from upper management, all need to be prioritised so everyone is now having to squeeze in a lot more to accommodate this colleague's leave and it has been incredibly difficult. Several staff have acrewed significant TOIL which my manager will not approve for them to take back yet because we are so short staffed.

The policy clearly states that bereavement leave can be offered for 3 days. Whilst I know this leave can be extended at the manager's discretion, what has been approved feels so excessive and with no consideration to the impact having so much leave has on the rest of us.
I have worked in the NHS a long time and never known anything like this amount of bereavement leave being approved. The most I have seen a manager approve before is 2 weeks and no phased return. And before anyone says, I know it is being recorded as bereavement leave and not sick leave because part of my responsibility is to log it on ESR as a proxy for our manager.

WIBU to go above my manager and complain about the decision to approve this.

I was coming on to express concern that the op is misusing confidential information - discussing it in a public forum! I’m please to see that pps have also mentioned this.

She will have been signed off sick and may well be unfit for work. If you complain specifically about her sick or beravement leave, its not going to sound well. I would complain about your own work load without blaming her.

So you think people fake panic attacks or depresssion or grief, or something?

Or are you saying you think the world would be better if mental illnesses didn't exist?

It's not clear from your whinging about others.

Wow you really a nasty and horrible person. SHE.LOST.HER.MOTHER! Did you expect her to work as normal and maybe nip out on her lunch break for the funeral? Her leave isn’t your issue, your management not me having her workload is. That should be looking at how the work with a team member down going forward as people get sick, relatives die etc.

You will hates by everyone in your office if you do this. And they will be right.

Going against the grain a little bit here, but it would take months to recruit and train someone to do my job if I weren’t here. It’s not always as simple as saying “management should arrange cover”.
However, management should acknowledge that if they have signed-off an unusually long period of leave, without providing cover, then certain pieces of work have to get deprioritised, and as managers they must take ownership of choosing which ones, or escalating to a senior manager to make that decision. It is not unreasonable to raise it from that perspective.

YABVU.
When my mother died I was also off work for a month and I am not being dramatic to say I think it has caused PTSD. I work in a (NHS) field where I am constantly reminded of her death. Even now, 2 years down the line, I have days when I silently struggle.
Work isn't everything.
Your colleague is going through a horrible trauma, probably made worse that it now takes a month to book a burial 😰 so she likely won't even be able to lay her mum to rest.
Ask if work can get a locum in.

You need to complain about the cover arrangements (or lack of), that's the real issue. Complaining about the amount of bereavement leave she has been given, sounds nasty, spiteful and tone deaf. You won't come out of it looking great. Presumably if you had full cover in her absence, you wouldn't be raising the issue?

I don't live in the UK and am always amazed when I read about the amount of time some people have off for a bereavement. It's not common here. Personally I would rather get back to work and normality.

When I was a teenager, I took a week off when my dad died. That was on the normal/generous side. It wasn’t normal to have months off for parental bereavement. Yet we weren’t all traumatised by the expectation that life goes on or bitches and unfeeling people when others suffered a loss. My colleagues were very kind. There seem to be very different expectations now. Can you discuss with management that your team can’t carry on with normal expectations when a colleague has had extended leave?

I think you're complaining about the wrong thing. It is good that your colleague has been treated with compassion at this very sad time in her life. However the management's failure lies in not providing adequate support to the rest of the during her absence. There should be some kind of temporary cover provided for this period and it is unreasonable to expect the rest of the team to "pick up the slack" in the meantime.

Why does it matter to you what the leave is called? She'd be off for the same amount of time whether it's called bereavement leave or sick leave. Your problem is workload, and what the leave is called has no bearing on that.

Indeed.

And who would the OP complain about if the colleague simply left work, never to return?

The OP is completely unreasonable and then some.

Came on to post exactly this.

The reason for her absence is irrelevant to your problem.

YABU. If she's unfit for work then she's unfit for work.

You are reasonable to complain that your employer hasn't provided adequate cover for her work but not the length of time she took off.

A month isn't really a huge amount of time either. A woman at my work took 6 months off when her brother was murdered.

*BitchinTwinset *

Are you really so naive or dumb that you don’t think people fake stress etc to get time off? Not necessarily all of them and presumably other people on the thread think it’s worth a few fakers getting away with it to cater to the ones who are genuine.

you probably also think those people off for months with bad backs who get caught running marathons and playing golf are genuine too!

She's probably been signed off sick. You're focusing on the wrong thing. It's not how long she's taken off. It's the fact management haven't put in factors to help with extra workload.

@Justgoogleitlater I've read your post several times and am confused. You specifically state you don't have a problem with the colleague having the time off, yet you want to complain about the time off being approved? Can't have it both ways surely? The colleague I suspect would be off one way or another, and if leave wasn't approved so they didn't feel supported at such a difficult time then there's a high chance you'd lose them permanently.

Well aren’t you a delight! maybe speak to your manager about the extended cover that you need not pick at someone grieving. Grief is personal and we all need different times off work. It’s really not your business what’s been agreed and like you say policy is managers discretion.

Jesus H Christ. Tell me your mother is still alive without telling me your mother is still alive.

Honestly, if you'd suffered bereavement of a loved parent you'd be ashamed of yourself for asking this. If you had a good relationship, it is one of the worst and most significant life events most people will experience. People react differently and grieve differently. It's no different to being signed off sick because you have huge anxiety due to work stress or can't work due to having broken a leg. It's a great thing to have employers who understand how devastating bereavement can be.

The problem is not " the amount of bereavement leave" (it would make me feel sick just typing that as a complaint) your colleague has had. Any more than it would be right to complain that a colleague can't work because they have had a major operation and will be off for 6 months.

The problem is that your company/management either need to get more staff in or reduce the work load to be suitable for a small team.

Yes you are being unreasonable. If you have work load issue, address that with management not your colleagues situation.

I wish for you to remember your nasty attitude when you are bereaved and feel a deep shame and atone for this because it is so lacking in compassion and unpleasant.

Three days is utterly disgusting for someone who’s lost a close relative.
YABU.

I had barely any time off when my mum died because I was worried about letting work down and them not coping without me (again, small company and team). I then crashed and burned about 12 months later and had to have 3 months off as I couldn't go on.

Whether it is bereavement or sick leave, in my eyes everyone is different when it comes to death and grief and if she came back sooner, you would most likely realise she couldn't cope and wasn't in a good place.

YABU to be annoyed. She will be struggling and probably won't feel able to work yet.

I only had minimal leave when I lost my mum and ended up taking more time off later in the year when everything got overwhelming because I hadn't had the space to grieve when I needed it. It is a long, hard process and those first weeks are just a blur of sorting out funeral and paperwork related stuff while trying to process what has happened.

The problem in the NHS is exceptionally poor management generally, not your unfortunate colleague. Do not complain, it will not go well. Instead you need to pass excess work back up to the manager, no-one should be forced to work overtime and unable to take TOIL. It is up to the manager to deal with this, for example by using bank staff, or increasing the size of the team, or borrowing staff from other teams.