We have no bedroom and it's stressful

[Fishandchipsareyum]

Hello

We have a small 2 bedroom house and the girls each need a bedroom as they are both autistic and eldest is a pda and 7 years older than the youngest. The girls don't get on my eldest needs a lock on her door inside so her sister isn't allowed in. We are going to put a little latch on it for her.

We initially thought it was going to be ok, we bought an expensive sofa bed from ikea. It was hideous to sleep on so had to replace with a day bed that pulls out to a double but the sofa is in the way so it can't be moved to pull day bed out ( it's a tiny livingroom also) we have so much stress and we have no adult space and all my clothes are mostly in box's under the day bed. Husband sleeps on a mattress.

Guess I'm just wondering if anyone else has no adult bedroom because the children need a room each.

We can't afford to buy a bigger place. So we are stuck.

All that fits In the living room is the seating and the day bed ( single size pushed in) and a small unit for my things. Tv is on the inbuilt fireplace.

Youngest room is large but awkward so I'm not sure it could be split into 2. There is her bed and toys and books and I need to store towels and husbands clothes in her room.

I just can't help dread getting older in this place. I try and be positive but I feel quite down. I work 24/7 ( minus the sleeping tike lol) and I would have enjoyed a place to call my own bedroom for rest.

I wouldn't be putting up with poor behaviour from the children "not getting on". They shouldn't rule the roost. That's bonkers.

Good ideas here actually

Both disabled though so can't reason with them...

Growing up I had a few friends whose parents lived in the livignroom. One family had a sofa bed. 2 families had a proper bed in the corner and a small sofa. One has a bed and the bed was used as a sofa for the family.

When I was a teenager I had a bed that could be put in to be a sofa. Also my parents have a futon style sofa-bed.
https://www.beliani.fi/sohvasanky-metalli-levitettava-musta-80-160-x-200-cm-tulle.html

There are some interesting divider options so if the kids could share with a divided ao they'd be in the same space without seeing each other https://fi.pinterest.com/pin/5770305768530429/

Please do not even think about this idiotic suggestion.

You’d be in breach of the building regulations and you could be prosecuted. You’d render your insurance invalid and put the occupants of the loft at risk in the case of fire. Even adding roof lights is notifiable work. Lofts are not structurally designed to be occupied, which is why they have to have to floor joists beefed up to allow for the increased loading. There are also issues regarding ventilation and insulation.

Have you applied for a council house? I know waiting lists tend to be long but if you can’t afford a bigger house it may be an option ?

Are you for real?

Look up bunk bed room dividers, to see if something like that would be possible in the largest bedroom.
Something like this:
https://ca.pinterest.com/pin/558446422543459963/

Your clothes and some of the children's in the boarded loft.

Murphy bed in the living room.

The best kind of fold up ladder, with a handrail, that you can afford.

Not easy but probably better than the current set up which sounds difficult.

SiL did this. They made the access opening a lot larger, boarded it out and put a mattress up there. Obviously not ideal but it was warm and quiet and much better than sleeping downstairs.

Is there any way to position the furniture in the larger bedroom so they share but have their own private zones?

I'd get rid of the sofa in the living room and have 2 of these Ikea day beds which can be a sofa in the day (with cushions and bedspread) then give you and DH both get a decent nights sleep on a proper bed.

Check out this HEMNES from IKEA.
Here’s a little more information:
<a class="break-all" href="https://applink.ikea.com/?link=pip/90349326&fbd=www.ikea.com/gb/en/p/hemnes-day-bed-frame-with-3-drawers-white-90349326/&utm_campaign=user_share&utm_content=linkit_share&utm_medium=share_PIP&utm_source=share&guid=eauD9f" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">https://applink.ikea.com/?link=pip/90349326&fbd=www.ikea.com/gb/en/p/hemnes-day-bed-frame-with-3-drawers-white-90349326/&utm<a class="break-all" href="https://applink.ikea.com/?link=pip/90349326&fbd=www.ikea.com/gb/en/p/hemnes-day-bed-frame-with-3-drawers-white-90349326/&utm_campaign=user_share&utm_content=linkit_share&utm_medium=share_PIP&utm_source=share&guid=eauD9f" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">campaign=userr<a class="break-all" href="https://applink.ikea.com/?link=pip/90349326&fbd=www.ikea.com/gb/en/p/hemnes-day-bed-frame-with-3-drawers-white-90349326/&utm_campaign=user_share&utm_content=linkit_share&utm_medium=share_PIP&utm_source=share&guid=eauD9f" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">share&utm<a class="break-all" href="https://applink.ikea.com/?link=pip/90349326&fbd=www.ikea.com/gb/en/p/hemnes-day-bed-frame-with-3-drawers-white-90349326/&utm_campaign=user_share&utm_content=linkit_share&utm_medium=share_PIP&utm_source=share&guid=eauD9f" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">content=linkitt<a class="break-all" href="https://applink.ikea.com/?link=pip/90349326&fbd=www.ikea.com/gb/en/p/hemnes-day-bed-frame-with-3-drawers-white-90349326/&utm_campaign=user_share&utm_content=linkit_share&utm_medium=share_PIP&utm_source=share&guid=eauD9f" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">share&utm<a class="break-all" href="https://applink.ikea.com/?link=pip/90349326&fbd=www.ikea.com/gb/en/p/hemnes-day-bed-frame-with-3-drawers-white-90349326/&utm_campaign=user_share&utm_content=linkit_share&utm_medium=share_PIP&utm_source=share&guid=eauD9f" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">medium=sharee<a class="break-all" href="https://applink.ikea.com/?link=pip/90349326&fbd=www.ikea.com/gb/en/p/hemnes-day-bed-frame-with-3-drawers-white-90349326/&utm_campaign=user_share&utm_content=linkit_share&utm_medium=share_PIP&utm_source=share&guid=eauD9f" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">PIP&utmsource=share&guid=eauD9f

I haven't seen this suggestion - is the bigger upstairs bedroom any larger than the living room? Could it be used any better as a combined living space/bedroom for you and your husband? Then one of the girls could have the current living room as her bedroom?

We had our master bedroom as our living room for a while as it was the biggest room in the house, and it was lovely actually.

Ouch.

You and your husband move it in the largest room with youngest daughter. Put her bed nearest the door and yours furthest away. Get a screen to separate the spaces visually. That’s how DM and I shared our room until I was about 21!

If I was you I’d try every which way to divide the largest room. There are so many great ideas on Pinterest. The way you are living is simply not sustainable.

I really wouldn’t throw money at a DIY loft ‘room’. If you don’t do it properly, it’s bloody freezing (and I mean freezing!) in the winter and stifling hot in the summer. Generally really unsafe.

Shame on the ignorant posters, life can be really challenging with ND children. You really need somewhere private for downtime. I imagine my DS will live with us for a very long time, is this likely with you children?

They are 7 years apart and she wouldn't have known if they'd be same sex or different?

I shared with my sister even though we didn’t get on. DH was one of six and shared with two brothers. I know it’s not ideal but it can be done. The girls need spaces that they feel are their own, even if it’s just half a room. Headphones to block out external noise and distraction when they need to and somewhere cosy to flop.

You can convert the loft yourselves for the cost of another space saving bed attempt.
Insulation boards on the ceiling and walls, then plaster boards. Mdf on the floor if it isn't already boarded. Ladder steps. Bit of wood to make a banister of sorts to stop you going down any other way than properly.
Tape and join the plasterboards. Tape and filler at b&q, its not hard, if you can slap some icing on a cake you can do it. Few layers of paint. Carpet, we got second hand for free, got underlay free too secondhand.

It's all stuff you can get from b and q, I reckon I could do it on 2-3 hundred. It's low skill. I built a house with no experience. It won't be a third bedroom by like selling standards but it's a place to call your own. Drill a hole in the floor either side of the bed to run a couple of extention cords up from the kids rooms.

It'll probably be quite warm as heat rises so you probably won't need heat, but you can just have an electric radiator and in the summer have a fan to blow the hot air back down to the house but it won't get as hot with the insulation.

Maybe in time? I can imagine it feels very overwhelming af the moment, but hopefully in time you can look at converting the loft into a space for you and OH. In the mean time, a Murphy bed is a good idea xx

This is really a tough situation. Would a double bunk bed with the part below being not a bed but a sitting area below be an idea for the sitting room. I appreciate this isn’t ideal.

You need to get an OT assessment from your local authority, especially if your two children have a disability.

Not smug at all, realistic. Also in 2 bed house there is no space for more than one child.

Have you borrowed as much as you can on your mortgage? I would try to see if you can do a loft conversion if at all possible and if you can't do it now/ don't pass affordability to get it done now then look at ways to increase your income so you might be able to afford it in the future. Your mortgage will decrease in time and then it might become possible to have it done if your income also increases.

So sorry OP, that's not sustainable.
Look into options for loft conversion or splitting the bigger bedroom.
Good luck.