We have no bedroom and it's stressful

[Fishandchipsareyum]

Hello

We have a small 2 bedroom house and the girls each need a bedroom as they are both autistic and eldest is a pda and 7 years older than the youngest. The girls don't get on my eldest needs a lock on her door inside so her sister isn't allowed in. We are going to put a little latch on it for her.

We initially thought it was going to be ok, we bought an expensive sofa bed from ikea. It was hideous to sleep on so had to replace with a day bed that pulls out to a double but the sofa is in the way so it can't be moved to pull day bed out ( it's a tiny livingroom also) we have so much stress and we have no adult space and all my clothes are mostly in box's under the day bed. Husband sleeps on a mattress.

Guess I'm just wondering if anyone else has no adult bedroom because the children need a room each.

We can't afford to buy a bigger place. So we are stuck.

All that fits In the living room is the seating and the day bed ( single size pushed in) and a small unit for my things. Tv is on the inbuilt fireplace.

Youngest room is large but awkward so I'm not sure it could be split into 2. There is her bed and toys and books and I need to store towels and husbands clothes in her room.

I just can't help dread getting older in this place. I try and be positive but I feel quite down. I work 24/7 ( minus the sleeping tike lol) and I would have enjoyed a place to call my own bedroom for rest.

Could you board the loft and use as a lounge so you can do away with the sofa in your current lounge? If you could get a socket up there, you could use a blow heater or electric blankets. Otherwise, I’d still get rid of the sofa and use the bed as seating, maybe coupled with a bean bag that can slide underneath. There’s really no way to change a small house without money or just using the rooms differently.

Use a bathroom door lock, that you can use a coin to unlock from outside.
do not lock a child’s bedroom from inside that is a fire nightmare in the making

I've got autistic kids who would never manage to share so you have my total sympathy.

Loft conversion sounds the most sensible option. Have you have a benefits check to make sure you are claiming everything you are entitled to - DLA, UC, carers element, disabled child element etc? Dpednding upon income there are various grants that can provide support for large items, alterations etc.

You don't sound at all bitter about your choice

Saw a similar house problem on Sort Your Life Out with Stacey Solomon. They did a similar version to the link below. You might need to think how it works with windows, maybe the beds would need to be wall to wall for safety (could get some extra shelves in) and you would need to put another door in for a separate entrance listening to your story. It is doable for fraction of the cost of moving or converting and moreover you get a room. x Photo here off Pinterest. https://uk.pinterest.com/pin/401383385547716106/

How old are the girls? Could you put the older one in the smaller room and get a double bed with a single bunk above for you, DH and youngest. Not ideal for a couple but no worse than now. At least yo have a living room back. Or you and DH and DD2 share, get a compact single sleeper with a wardrobe/desk underneath for DD2 and put a folding screen in front of it

not perfect options, but if the bigger bedroom or the lounge could work with one, and your daughter could cope with close proximity if its her own space, you can now get pre-made room divider bunk beds from places like this https://funkybunkbeds.com/product/room-divider-bunk-bed/ - if the larger bedroom upstairs wont work because of the shape but the lounge would then you could move the living room upstairs?

or if your lounge has high enough ceilings, look at adult loft beds, you might find one which would fit the sofa underneath. It doesn't give you private space but at least it gives you space to keep the bed out, and would be cheaper than a murphy bed

We also have a two bedroom home but knew we couldn’t afford a second child so just had one.

What an utterly insensitive comment.

Smug.

I was just going to suggest an adult loft bed, with the sofa underneath

I'd second rhis if you own the house and cant afford a conversion. Lots of people do this ! You can have the fold up stairs and hatch widened flr quite cheap. Hoe handy is DH?

@Fishandchipsareyum i take it there is no room.in the kitcen for a sofa/tv ? No chance to remove a dining table

This is genius

How old is your youngest?
Given you already have no privacy I'd consider the option of having one of those high beds with a double below and a single above (or vice versa) so you can at least sleep comfortably.
But i do wonder if your living room layout could be improved. If you ditched the day bed and your husbands mattress would you have room for a Murphy bed, as suggested by a pp, to be pulled down at night?
And ultimately if you own, is there any possibility of moving to a cheaper area?
Although if your loft is big enough to be another bedroom I'd probably prioritise raising funds for that (it shouldn't be 'that' pricey should it?) As the most cost effective option. Moving would bring a lot of costs in itself.
Any room to borrow money on the house for the loft?

Would something like this be do-able in the big bedroom maybe?

www.tiktok.com/@by_anitarussell/video/7302522295317253408

When a fire happens you’ll find your insurance is void. If you survive.

unless you insulate it properly it will either be intolerably cold or intolerably warm. Either way you’ll be tempted to put heating up there, some sort of oil radiator or blow heater and one day you’ll forget it’s on.
and a piece of clothing covers it and smoulders away for a while…

or there’s a kitchen fire and you can’t rescue your kids because the smoke has filled the hall and loft hatch before you wake up.

plus even if none of that happens all the investment you have made if wasted because when your circumstances change and you can move none of what you’ve done will add value, it will be viewed with suspicion and you’ll find it hard to get a buyer.

Could you apply for a disabled facilities grant for a loft conversion?

I thought something like this, too. Everybody gets their own room, and the living room becomes the parents' room. That means decorating the children's bedrooms in a way they can be used as day room. If they are autistic, they might want more alone time than neurotypical children anyways.
Maybe the children have ideas what they would like, too.

So you won't have a living room, but can perhaps add to the kitchen in a way that it's a kind of day room instead.
This could tide you over until you can make other changes later, or split a room.

A word of caution about the loft, if you put your clothes there, check first that it is dry, even in winter, so things cannot get mouldy. Perhaps add a dehumidifyer - there are those without electricity, where you add granules that catch the moisture, which you have to empty from time to time.

You have my sympathies. When I was a child / teen, we were five in a small 2 bed. At first all 3 children in together, then split as teens (boy / girls) and parents on a wall bed, which was difficult as one was disabled. Can you split the larger bedroom into two with plaster board and a door? Make sure you have smoke alarms and get the fire brigade to check safety if needed.

This won’t be popular but I could not live like that. I would relocate to somewhere where I could buy a house with 3 bedrooms.

Making a living area in the kitchen is a great idea if there's space. Pull down projector instead of tv to save on space.

I would be looking to move to a cheaper area.
My parents slept in our front room for a bit when I was younger and I hated it. I couldn’t see the sacrifice, I was embarrassed to have friends over. The front room never really felt like a family space because it was also a bedroom.

I'd need flooring and a pull down loft ladder ( there is no window either actually lol) Think the spiders would upset me though.

Our house was a building site for a long time, and we got an Ikea daybed in the one habitable room. We mostly kept it open as a bed, with a nice bedspread over the duvet etc. Admittedly we got in the habit of lying down to watch tv rather than sitting up on a sofa.
it was 7 years before we got an actual sofa.
if your husband isn’t happy with the mattress on the day bed, buy a better a topper mattress, which you can put I the kids room when you want to make the day bed into a single daybed when guests are coming.

it sounds hard.I hope you can find somesort of solution that works for you.

I’d definitely look to split the larger room in two op. Thus freeing up the other room, you then move the storage accordingly ie the towels and your husbands stuff. As the situation you describe is not tolerable you can’t all live like that,

I second the PP who suggested a loft bed.
You will use upper room space you're currently not using. You can have asofa beneath it. Visitors can't see your bed because it's up on stilts and you can make the sofa space beneath it all cosy with lighting.