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AIBU?

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Original poster

We have no bedroom and it's stressful

402 replies

Fishandchipsareyum · 04/02/2025 19:14

Hello

We have a small 2 bedroom house and the girls each need a bedroom as they are both autistic and eldest is a pda and 7 years older than the youngest. The girls don't get on my eldest needs a lock on her door inside so her sister isn't allowed in. We are going to put a little latch on it for her.

We initially thought it was going to be ok, we bought an expensive sofa bed from ikea. It was hideous to sleep on so had to replace with a day bed that pulls out to a double but the sofa is in the way so it can't be moved to pull day bed out ( it's a tiny livingroom also) we have so much stress and we have no adult space and all my clothes are mostly in box's under the day bed. Husband sleeps on a mattress.

Guess I'm just wondering if anyone else has no adult bedroom because the children need a room each.

We can't afford to buy a bigger place. So we are stuck.

All that fits In the living room is the seating and the day bed ( single size pushed in) and a small unit for my things. Tv is on the inbuilt fireplace.

Youngest room is large but awkward so I'm not sure it could be split into 2. There is her bed and toys and books and I need to store towels and husbands clothes in her room.

I just can't help dread getting older in this place. I try and be positive but I feel quite down. I work 24/7 ( minus the sleeping tike lol) and I would have enjoyed a place to call my own bedroom for rest.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
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Original poster
Fishandchipsareyum · 04/02/2025 19:16

Forgot to mention youngest one has an inbuilt wardrobe for her clothes and things. So it doesn't take floor space up.

OP posts:
gabsdot45 · 04/02/2025 19:17

Do you have space to install a Murphy bed. We have one in a room in our house and it saves so much space. If would be a good investment

MemorableTrenchcoat · 04/02/2025 19:19

7 years is a big age gap for sharing. Really, it’s not surprising that a 2 bedroom property has proved to be insufficient for your family.

pearbottomjeans · 04/02/2025 19:23

MemorableTrenchcoat · 04/02/2025 19:19

7 years is a big age gap for sharing. Really, it’s not surprising that a 2 bedroom property has proved to be insufficient for your family.

What an insightful comment.

OP I’d find this really hard too. Murphy bed is a good shout. Are either of the kids’ rooms big enough to have a wardrobe for you in there? Can’t afford to move but could you afford some sort of garden room to get a bit more space for whatever use?

Original poster
Fishandchipsareyum · 04/02/2025 19:23

gabsdot45 · 04/02/2025 19:17

Do you have space to install a Murphy bed. We have one in a room in our house and it saves so much space. If would be a good investment

I'm not sure. Maybe ? I haven't considered that.

We have a nice big loft and can't convert it into anything due to money.

OP posts:
PeriPeriMam · 04/02/2025 19:25

One of my close friends has lived like this for years. I honestly don't know how. If it was me I would look to go anywhere cheaper to be able to afford a bigger property. If it was me, I'd literally relocate to another country if I had to. Sympathy as that's a lot of years ahead of you like this, get a serious view on whether your bigger bedroom can be split

Original poster
Fishandchipsareyum · 04/02/2025 19:26

pearbottomjeans · 04/02/2025 19:23

What an insightful comment.

OP I’d find this really hard too. Murphy bed is a good shout. Are either of the kids’ rooms big enough to have a wardrobe for you in there? Can’t afford to move but could you afford some sort of garden room to get a bit more space for whatever use?

Show quote history

Thanks, we don't have a big enough garden either its a shared back garden. We have our bit fenced to keep neighbours dog from using it as a toilet, like it does to the rest of the space.

OP posts:
OatFlatWhiteForMe · 04/02/2025 19:27

I would look to splitting the larger bedroom if at all feasible.

JeanieWild · 04/02/2025 19:28

Guess I'm just wondering if anyone else has no adult bedroom because the children need a room each.

No. We also have a two bedroom home but knew we couldn’t afford a second child so just had one.

Ghostsmindgate · 04/02/2025 19:28

This may not be an option but would you be entitled to a grant? Obviously it'll depend on severity/needs but may be worth investigating.
https://www.gov.uk/disabled-facilities-grants.

Completelyjo · 04/02/2025 19:29

Can you move further away for slightly more space?
Are you genuinely in the cheapest property available?

HelloMyNameIsElderSmurf · 04/02/2025 19:29

Oh OP, you sound so fed up and overwhelmed. No wonder.

We can't magic up a room for you, but can you at least floor your loft (it's fairly cheap to do that) and use it for storage? If you do a ruthless sort of your clothes and only have the stuff you need to hand (ie pack all your summer stuff away) and store it up in the loft in plastic tubs, would that give you a bit of breathing space? Is there anywhere you could squeeze some sort of wardrobe or press in? Hallway? Is your kitchen big enough for seating, could that become the shared space so the living room is more bedroom-y?

TenerifeElevenerife · 04/02/2025 19:30

If you could draw a floor plan, showing where the doors/windows are especially, maybe someone could come up with a solution. A loft conversion sounds ideal if you have head space and room for a stair case. It may not be as pricey as you think if there is no bathroom needed up there.

StormingNorman · 04/02/2025 19:35

Would renting your house out and moving into a 3-bed rental be an option if you can’t buy a bigger home?

If you can’t get three bedrooms upstairs, can you make the downstairs room your bedroom and move the to and side to the kitchen or dining room?

Frowningprovidence · 04/02/2025 19:36

There are some creative ways to divide up a double bedroom into two small rooms but you would need a floor plan to get help with that.

Ihatelittlefriendsusan · 04/02/2025 19:38

Sounds really hard going @Fishandchipsareyum

How old is your youngest? Whilst not ideal is there an option for one of the bunk beds that has a single up top and a double under in her room so you and dh are not sleeping in the lounge?

Alternatively do you have a separate dining room? If so can you give up a separate dining area, use it as a lounge then erect a temporary wall to box off the lounge and turn into a private bedroom?

On another note, please don't put a latch on the inside of your elder dd's door unless it can be unlocked from outside. In the event of a fire or illness you need to be able to get in to her. Speak to your local fire brigade for advise on safe locks if you have to have one.

Dishwashersaurous · 04/02/2025 19:39

Can you move to a cheaper area, to get a three bedroom house?

Or divide one of the rooms into two.

It's incredibly stressful not having a bedroom and not a long term sustainable solution

Relocatethecockringsbeforethemormonsarrive · 04/02/2025 19:40

JeanieWild · 04/02/2025 19:28

Guess I'm just wondering if anyone else has no adult bedroom because the children need a room each.

No. We also have a two bedroom home but knew we couldn’t afford a second child so just had one.

Why have you posted such an unhelpful, unnecessary comment? What is the point?

Dishwashersaurous · 04/02/2025 19:42

I'm assuming that op didn't know that she was going to have two autistic children, and therefore assumed that they could share.

Not everything in life can be planned for

Swearwolf · 04/02/2025 19:44

Not ideal, but could you share the largest bedroom with your youngest? Even if you can't divide it exactly into two, you might be able to get creative with some big shelves or kallax units to put your bed behind. It would provide some privacy and some extra storage.

Snorandrepeat · 04/02/2025 19:45

JeanieWild · 04/02/2025 19:28

Guess I'm just wondering if anyone else has no adult bedroom because the children need a room each.

No. We also have a two bedroom home but knew we couldn’t afford a second child so just had one.

🙄

LynetteScavo · 04/02/2025 19:45

Moving house would involve costs - have you considered remortgaging or getting a loan for a loft room? It might be worth looking into.

Can you draw a floor plan for us so we can see if the largest bedroom can be split?

Ilovemyshed · 04/02/2025 19:47

OP this is pretty challenging and I think you need to think laterally a little bit.

Is your living room big enough for a proper double bed and a wardrobe iif you lose the sofa?

If you turned the bed sideways and arranged cushions and pillows, could it double as a sofa in the daytime with a throw over? A bed with divan base could give you some storage as well. Then maybe a small armchair and some beanbags for lounge time.

Then the children could keep a room each.

Comedycook · 04/02/2025 19:47

Do you own, private rent or social housing?

Somehowgirl · 04/02/2025 19:49

I grew up in a very small flat OP my parents had to sleep on a sofa bed too. It's hard.

I would recommend Swyft sofa beds. They are as comfortable as a real bed as they have a real sprung mattress. However, it can be a pain taking a sofa bed out every night especially when you're tired. Even worse if one person wants to go to bed and the other doesn't.

The best option is to have a loft bed built. Friends of mine had a very high loft bed built in their living room for this exact reason. It looks really smart with a built in book shelf and desk underneath and means they lose no floor space in the living room. I would have this custom built so that you have a good sized sleeping mezzanine, and then as a PP said, floor your loft for storage space.