Feel like crying! What is it with references??

[LavenderFields7]

Been a stay-at-home mum for 10 years, decided to try and return to work - no luck with paid job positions due to zero ability to provide references. Fine. I will do 6 months free voluntary work - nowhere will take me without 2 references 😭 A charity shop rang me today to say they can’t accept my application offering 3 full days free work a week for 6 months because I can’t provide professional references. They didn’t even ask what qualifications I’ve got (hint, I’m ridiculously overqualified for till work). This is the 5th volunteer role I’ve been rejected for. AIBU? Is this normal for volunteer jobs?? Why don’t they make it easier 😢

After 8 years of being out of work due to kids my first job back in the world of work was at a motorway services who were more than happy with personal references. After a few years part time there I got a job in the NHS.

You may need to go for the minimum wage style jobs that usually attract school leavers etc.

I'm sorry but I'll agree with PP who say after 10 years out of work qualifications aren't necessarily relevant/matter. I've hired for customer facing roles before and I honestly can smell that attitude a million miles away and normally people who feel they're overqualified for 'a till role' cannot for the life of them deal with the targets, customer abuse, and host of other things they should be multitasking whilst also being on a till. It really sucks, but the working world has changed quite a bit in the last 10 years and hiring managers know this and can get a sense of if someone has thought these adjustments through, or if they're assuming they can do a good job because they did before.

In terms of references, I've worked in HR in a few companies now and I'd really recommend listing a few character references. Don't all out lie - getting caught out could end in a withdrawn offer - but if there's space to write how you know the person etc just explain it's a character reference and you're happy to discuss if needed. If your past experience is at such a high level, I'd assume you also may still communicate with your contacts in the industry? If so list them. Worst case scenario, you can also list the HR departments of previous companies you've worked for, and they can just give a factual reference of dates you worked for them. If they don't still have that info, they can always pass that on too.

You could provide a character reference. Are you part of a parents association, or involved as a coach on your children's sports teams? You could get one that way. You could also search for your previous manager via LinkedIn and ask for one. Also if you do any course you can ask for a reference from them too. Any volunteer place looking for references is doing their due diligence and I would take it as a positive.

Charity shops are just looking for a character reference - are you honest, not a thief, unlikely to beat up your fellow volunteers.

I never start threads about getting things off my chest on here. I guess the haters will come juicing on it
being part of the crowd is everything and people still read and get what they need from my posts

Of course you can be over qualified for till work, regardless if you have been out the workforce for 10 years. If you think till work has changed that much in 10 years you have another thing coming. If anything there is less to do, now you just stand there with bags to give customers and manage the self serve machines. Those on actual tills, do the same job on the till that they did 10 years ago.

Surely a character reference is acceptable. Not necessarily a professional one.

Bloody shocking, I hope u get something sorted, sorry no ideas but good for you for what you are offering to do.

This thread is quite literally why some of us slog it through the early years of working and parenting. You're suddenly older and way too vulnerable. Surely in this case OP you can use a friend who is in a profession?

Just get some references off friends - they're just to check you are who you say you are and you're trustworthy. Do you have any friends who are also professionals?

They also want references!

Do you go anywhere like church or similar? I've used our vicar as a reference in the past.

I had been a SAHM for 16 years when I returned to work. I needed 3 references so just approached my old employers. They were perfectly happy to provide them. Why can’t you do that?

I think the civil service takes personal references If you haven't got professional ones.

Surely you're misunderstanding - it can't be professional references only. 🤔

Haven't you got any friends or acquaintances that could give you a character reference?

I’m sure your previous employers would vouch for you for a professional reference.

For a longer-term strategy, how about doing a master’s degree and a placement/internship? It may be quicker than starting at the very bottom and working your way up again.

I've line managed a lot of people over the years, most of whom still have some sort of way to connect to me eg facebook or personal email etc. Over the years I've provided loads of references, including for people like yourself where I was the last job but they've been SAHM for 10 years etc. Why not contact your last couple of managers and ask? I always like it if people ask how I am etc, but even if they're straight to the point I always say yes.

My guess is that charity shops mostly want to make sure you are honest, polite, reasonably intelligent and sane, not necessarily brilliant at till work, but trainable. If you've ever been involved in any organisation in any capacity - helping with fundraising at the school, or attending a church or choir - that should be fine; if not ask a friend with a respectable sounding job, eg nurse or solicitor or care worker.

That's what I was also thinking about charity volunteering. Plenty of the people there are not of an age to have been employed recently.

@RudbekiasAreSun your posts are very odd.

You could try temping for a while. My last temp position ended up being made permanent.

Anyone working (even volunteering) with children should go through safer recruitment checks which means at least 2 references. My current job is with children and I had to provide 3 professional references and a character reference.

References still required surely?

I've recently signed up for some volunteering while self-employed. My references have been my next door neighbour and someone I used to work for 35 years ago (who is still a friend). I think you if know people who also have professional positions, that's fine.

Something else that I needed a more professional reference for, I asked someone I sometimes work with, and someone from when I volunteered at an activity the kids used to go to.

Ask your previous employer. My current job needed 3 references but I had been working for the same place for 9yrs, so I had to ask employers from years back.