Parents using their children’s disabilities to skip the queues at Disneyland

[satsumaqueen]

I know the title will probably infuriate some people, and I just want to say from the outset that I am not writing this thread to cause offence. I’m writing because I don’t have much experience with having children that have disabilities such as Autism and ADHD and I am genuinely curious and want to understand more.

I’ve been planning a trip to Disneyland Paris and have joined some groups on social media to get some tips etc. I’ve been really surprised at the amount of posts asking how to get a special pass from Disney so their children can skip the lines on all the rides.

I know there are some conditions which very obviously make it physically impossible to stand for a hour, however a lot of these posts are from parents whose children have ADHD or Autism. I also know there are varying levels of autism (my cousin is severely autistic), and I know there are numerous things that people with autism have to deal with like sensory overload etc, but there are also many forms of autism where people can function like every other person, and would have no issue in standing in a queue with everyone else.

ADHD I really have no experience with so can’t comment on it, but isn’t our job as parents to teach our children how to cope in society? Things like queues are part of every day life. Why does having ADHD excuse you from waiting like everyone else?

I know there will be many genuine requests for those passes, but I also feel because of the sheer volume of them, that a lot are trying to claim them because the parents can’t be bothered to wait in line and are using their child as a free way to skip the queues? This then impacts everyone else’s experience who then have to wait even longer in queues to accommodate all of the people skipping.

Shouldn't these passes be reserved for the people who really do need them?

I have young children, so believe me when I say I know what it’s like to stand in line for long periods of time with children who find it difficult to stand still/stand for long periods of time. I’m just struggling to understand why parents with toddlers have any less of a difficult time in the queues than those with children who have ADHD as a example, but they are expected to stand in line for a hour with no option to skip. - I will just add I’m not expecting parents with young children to skip the queue, I just don’t understand why a child with ADHD or mild autism (sorry if this is the incorrect terminology) couldn’t wait in the same queue as everyone else?

My ASD daughter masks well enough to appear "normal" at first glance. She would not go if she had to stand for a long time in a noisy queue with lots of people. She is a teen so can make her own choices and regularly choose to skip her all time favourite activities if we get there and it is too busy or noisy or there is a queue. She can't enjoy the activity if she gets sensory overload whilst waiting for it. Sensory overload would initially look like stimming, then covering her ears / eyes / head and then curling into a ball and crying loudly. However until it got to that stage most lay-people would think she just looked fidgety.

You sound ignorant.

Okay so I have very little experience with Autism or ADHD but my understanding is that these experiences such as theme parks and crowded football matches are already on the edge of what many ND children can do. I would absolutely be happy to let any child in front of me who might only cope and hour or two in the noise. If we can make it less difficult for ND children then we absolutely should. Lots of those children have NT siblings who miss out on experiences because of their brother or sister's needs too. Can't we just be nice?

God those places are enough to overstimulate anyone.

@lifeturnsonadime yes it does thank you. I absolutely agree that children should be able to enjoy rollercoasters etc, what you’ve explained makes total sense to me now!

I haven't been to theme parks, they aren't my dds thing at all, however she is a teen, and is obsessed with a particular band.

I actually made a thread on here somewhere afterwards because I was so delighted.

I bought tickets that included a very quiet session where the band played 3 songs and did a Q and A session and then we were going to go before the actual concert.

Whilst there I asked if we could leave via a different route so dd wasn't overwhelmed leaving as the crowd was coming in.

However the staff there were bloody amazing, they offered to make accommodations for dd, and as such she was able to stay for the whole thing, not something she would ever have been able to do without accommodations being made.

They allowed her into the accessible area, she kept her noise cancelling headphones on, they assigned her a member of staff, introduced them to her and gave dd a bit of time to become comfortable, and if dd was overwhelmed at any time this member of staff would have taken her outside to get some air and calm down, if dd needed the toilet they allowed her down the back stairs and they escorted her to the front of the queue and waited for her to escorted her back up, they checked in regularly, and they allowed us to stay until after everyone left.

Those adjustments meant that my daughter was just a teenager seeing her favourite band that night. It meant everything to her.

If you don't have a child who's world is so small because of their disability then count yourself very lucky, these adjustments mean we can give our kids normal childhood experiences, and we are begrudge that from people who's kids only ever will have normal childhood experiences.

Yes I am, but SD is perfectly capable of waiting in a queue, as are her family on her Mum's side. They just don't want to.

I haven't read all the responses so someone may have pointed this out - but it's probably worth highlighting that just because someone applies for a Priority Pass, doesn't mean they're necessarily going to use it.

My child has ASD/ADHD, receives DLA and attends a special school. He also loves rollercoasters. He's currently 8, and although I've not been to Disney, we do have an annual pass for Drayton Manor that we use frequently. I've managed to find the things that keep him occupied in a queue (I basically become his personal entertainer and snack provider!), and I also can spot the signs of whether he's regulated enough to cope with a queue or if it's best to guide him towards a different ride with a shorter queue (luckily at Drayton Manor, there's always an option available with a shorter queue!) or take a break from rides for a bit.

I'm lucky that my child, when regulated, is capable of queuing. And I'm glad for that. And so, we queue. But, when going to somewhere new like Disneyland, I'm not sure how he'd cope there. I can definitely imagine situations where parents like me may apply for a priority pass, in the event that they may need it, but not use it unnecessarily.

I'm really proud of DS when he queues. I'm really proud that he's learning the skills he needs to help keep himself regulated. Queuing feels like a massive win. Not every child is capable of that. And we need to trust the parents who know their child best to know what is best for them.

You have quite a point about siblings. Especially when you realise yourself how much they miss out on.
My 17,11 year old girls have not been able to have a friend around to play/ hang out in 5 years because my ND son cannot manage this. For them to do so I would have to have him out of the house.

On other hand if they go to a friends, they can't go from home either because he barricades the door and has a meltdown at them "leaving him" (he has a obsession about people leaving him)

Both older girls had not been able to experience holidays abroad until recently because the worry and unknown of could I feed ND son abroad was too much for us to consider.

We don't do farm/zoo visits because he can't manage those at all.

If we wanted a trip to cinema it would be something he wants to watch otherwise he isn't going to be able to manage that. (His full diagnosis is ASD with a PDA profile)

Theme parks is one of the few things we can do as a family.

Haven’t read the whole thread, the first few posts with the same old crap about ‘levels’ of neurodiversity is enough to show ignorance. It’s about understanding the needs of every individual child/person with a disability. Some may cope with queues despite being disabled, even if to the outside eye they seem severely affected. But no one goes through years of assessments and judgement from society for their child just to be 20 minutes quicker on a rollercoaster @satsumaqueen . Hope that helps your understanding.

Children with autism and adhd often don't understand waiting and it is a very long process to help them manage. What normal children can learn by 3 or 4 can still be a learning process for autistic and adhd children well into their teens

Agree with this. We haven't done theme parks as yet, but DS doesn't understand queuing and tends to ask why we have to wait. He then doesn't really understand the answer, so will keep asking over and over again for the whole time he has to wait in a queue. I can't imagine that's much fun for everyone else in the queue either.

I have a child who does similar, answering the same question over and over again into infinity is quite an experience isn’t it!

Gosh yes, if only I knew I could just teach the ND out of my children. Thank god the OP is here to point this out to us silly parents of ND children.

FWIW my son in particular spends every fucking day of his life trying so hard to function in society. It’s exhausting for him and those who help him. If someone begrudges him skipping the lines at a theme park to avoid sensory overload or a meltdown that might send him home early then that’s on them for letting it spoil their enjoyment.

I've never taken my kids cos they seem like a bit of a shit show

For those that quote my post about introducing their toddlers to queuing @LoveSandbanks & @Koimand , - it was directed at OP and her toddler NOT those who do gradually introduce their kids to the idea of queuing or those with disabilities or special needs or other requirements to not be able to queue.
I just forgot to tag OP, sorry!

I’m not sure what it’s like in Paris but the USA Disney has got rid of the old access pass and incorporated it into the fast pass system - you get a time slot to return rather than jumping to the front of the queue seems a much fairer way of doing things and hopefully gets the service to the right people

No it isn’t but she came here to ask. People can be clumsy with words and I don’t agree with the sentiment but the response was wrong too.

But we really don’t know do we? Maybe they aren’t or maybe she is clumsy and other language but the response wasn’t okay. Two wrong landing make a right.

Well you can choose to overlook her obvious attempts at veiled ableism , if you want to, but it is plain to see.

I’m not choosing to ignore it. My point was the response was rude. There are better ways of telling someone they are wrong. Two wrongs don’t make a right.

I think that's commendable, but not all families are like that. I know at least 2 families, close to me, who will openly admit that their children don't need the passes, but they can get them due to ADHD/autism diagnoses, and they get "better value for money" if they can enjoy theme parks and events without having to queue. In one case, the parents divvy up rides they really want to do in advance so they can take turns to "accompany" the child- in reality the child is just a queue jumping pass in human form so they get to go on all the rides they want to go on.

This is the fairest solution but the theme park should also have quiet areas for people to wait. These are few and far between.

Ok you find the response rude, so what? I don't know why you feel the need to point that out, instead of focusing on the rather disingenious posts coming from the OP, but hey no matter. You carry on focusing on whether you feel people are being polite, or not.

Replace the word ‘ableism’ with ‘racism’ and you wouldn’t dare tell someone addressing it to be polite. They’re in the same category of protected characteristics, it’s just that people seem to deem ableism as much more acceptable and those who speak up are just making a fuss.
People are being rude and angry on this thread because this is the kind of rubbish we have to deal with every single day for ourselves or our children who are disabled, as clueless people like yourself and the OP come along we’re yet again forced to explain and defend ourselves. Ableism (which is glaring evident in the original OP) is never ok, even under a faux covering of ‘concern’, and like racism and homophobia, politeness is not owed to anyone who participates in it.

That’s a tiny tiny number of people who have these passes. I personally don’t know anyone like that.

Exactly, thank you@ThatFluentTiger

We know that walking is an important part of society. Why don't parents teach their disabled children to walk and stand rather than pander to them and push them around in a wheelchair.
Most children can walk, why can't they?