To feel mortified I was settled out of my job?

[SackedandDisgraced]

NC’d as I am legally prohibited from speaking to anyone about this IRL.

I have been in my role for 8 years. Last 4 years I was SLT in a very large company. It was a very public facing role so lots of presence on social media and tv. New CEO came onboard early 2024 and took an instant dislike to me. She made my life a literal hell. I pushed through it and dusted myself off so many times but it just wore me down and in the end I just couldn’t cope and ended up being signed off for 6 weeks.

The day I came back to work I was brought into a meeting with CEO and offered a protected conversation and a settlement. Basically said if I didn’t take the settlement I’d be placed on performance improvement (despite my performance being exemplary for 8 years) and made it clear she didn’t want me there.

my mental health was at an all time low when I was offered money to cut and run, which I took but now regret.

I had to clear my desk in the evening when nobody was around so never got to say goodbye but the rumours started circulating and people speculated I’d been sacked. I just feel so mortified. Business announced I’d left a week later with a pitiful thank you for my contribution. This was a public announcement because of what I do so it’s out there in the masses and I’ve been bombarded with questions and all I feel is complete shame.

can’t speak the truth to anyone IRL as I’m bound by the settlement but just feel so low. As if that wasn’t bad enough I am struggling to find another job that pays anywhere near what I was earning with the flexibility I had.

any words of wisdom?

Been in your shoes and still bit bitter I could have held out for more money but Ultimately your boss would have gotten rid of you under the excuse of poor performance ( Anyone can make you look crap if they want to )
and you would have been sack with nothing

your next job will be different and life will pick up - hard , but the issues is there’s not you

I think you did the right thing too, and what's done is done - your true friends would reach out so I would advise you to draw a line and start afresh. Good luck, and maybe work on a line for your interviews that means you can avoid too much detail without it being against your NDA.....recruiters should be able to advise you on what to say in that scenario. Bigger things are coming

OP this happens ALL THE TIME. New CEO, out with old, in with the new. That is so the way of things, no one will care. Clash of cultures, wanting their own people around them, the genuine reasons are aplenty.

Get back out there, climb back onboard the gravy train and don't think about it again a man in your situation wouldn't give it a second thought

Hi @SackedandDisgraced - I haven’t RTFT but just wanted to say I’m nearly 3 years on from where you are now and my life is so much better. I found another role within 6 months, it was a 10% salary cut annually but also a massive cut in hours and expectations. I’m less stressed, more emotionally available for my family and a nicer person to live with. Get some support and coaching from recruiters re interviews, I promise better days are coming.

OP did they pay for some outplacement support for you? They should have done at your level. But if they didn't, it would be a good idea to invest in it yourself - as someone said, invest in an executive coach rather than counselling. I have been in your position a couple of times and received outplacement support and they are excellent at boosting confidence - you also meet other people in the same boat and don't feel so alone.

Example: Penna | Home

On the interview issue - you need to find a trusted friend to practice interviews with. They ask you "why did you leave your last job" and you practice your answer. Personally I think "there was a change at the top of the company and my role no longer fitted and I am excited to move on" is adequate and not really a lie!

Try putting some words into ChatGPT or similar - or ask it to give you a positive statement to answer a question at interview. It really is a powerful tool and will help you find the right words. Very best of luck! Don't forget to put you Positive Pants on for interviews!!

This is great advice! I can also recommend career coaching, I had that last year and it helped with my confidence. The fact that you thought you'd get a roasting on this forum shows that you have really been brought down, and that is not acceptable! How dare she treat you like this? You are fabulous.
I hope you find the strength to move on and grow from this.
Also, LinkedIn is your friend for networking, try their free courses too.

It's happened to me. Twice. It's really hard. But it's ended up as a positive thing for me both times.

I would spend some of your settlement on a therapist/ life coach who can help you process what happened and make plans for what you want to do next. It's worth the money, honestly. Otherwise you'll really struggle to process what happened on your own. I speak from experience.

Don’t feel bad, it’s not a reflection on you, the new CEO didn’t want to work with you for whatever reason, this meant that the job really wasn’t for you anymore. It’s shit, but shit happens like this all the time. Unfortunately, all you can do is dust yourself off, get a new role (you might need to build yourself back up so be prepared to move around). Treat yourself with some of the cash.

ive seen loads of really good people managed out over the years, often for no more reason than a personality or culture clash. You did great in one place, you’ll do great in another. It might just take time to find the right fit again.

Good luck

Just adding to everyone else who has said this happens way more than you'd think - especially at a senior level.
You definitely did the right thing (I have taken an offer like this in the past too) and you must believe that you are more than capable of finding a role that doesn't makes you feel happy again.

You did what was right for you at the time so let it go. Move forward and don't worry about what former colleagues think, especially as people aren't stupid and can work things out as to what happened.

This is an awful yet lovely thread to read. Awful, OP, because of the way you've been treated, it's really shocking - yet lovely because of the support from posters. It sounds as if many of us have 'been there' to some extent or other?

You sound very despondent, as if this is somehow your shortcoming (it isn't). It's a power play by someone in power over you who has decided that you have to go. I don't think any of your colleagues will buy whatever management say about your leaving, they know you, your work and your worth.

How to deal with interviews now? I think you will need to find someone to hash all this out with, who will help you to regain your confidence so that you can interview well again. I've been in my industry for years but if I was exiled as you have been, I wouldn't pick myself straight up again either. Who can you talk to? You just need a professional, I think, to give you a 'script' to follow whilst you recover. You have your re-done CV, that's very positive. Get the rest of what you'll need to say, off pat, and the next interview or the one after, will be so much better.

I wish you so much luck in getting your next job and stand behind you as a woman who has been 'managed out' myself before. I'm still standing - and so are you.

If they are interviewing you, they are seriously considering hiring you - so are glad you have been released.

So they're really checking you're ready for the move.

'There was a change of strategy and the CEO naturally wanted to work with their own team. My strengths are in X at a time when they were prioritising Y - I completely understood their rationale; it's a time of change for them. I really loved my time there but it wasn't clear what my next step would be.

'After looking at the big picture it was clearly best for my progression to move forward towards fresh challenges - where I could harness my strengths, building on my rich and varied experience.

'I love what I do and have been following your work with great interest for years now - you clearly have a strong learning culture - so this is a really exciting opportunity for me'.

"All other things being equal, then perhaps yes. Obviously we should all strive to "stay neutral and professional", but it seems to me that OP is here precisely because she can't. She wrote "I’m just falling to pieces in the interview process when I’m being asked why I left my old company". One explanation for this is that because, if she respects the NDA, she is essentially required to lie. On that basis, my suggestion is that she tells the truth, with whatever risks are associated with that. Of course there is no perfect solution here; it's another reason why bullying ruins lives."

@samarrange - op needs to tell a professional version of the truth. Say there was a restructure. Falling apart in a job interview telling the interviewer you were bullied or sacked and signed a settlement agreement doesn't help. It just throws up red flags

Agree with this. If you tell an interviewer that there is a settlement agreement, you are telling them that you cannot keep information confidential even when you are legally required to do so. You are also flagging up that your previous employer pushed you out, which raises questions as to your suitability.

Saying there was a restructure is fine. Saying you were made redundant is fine. Saying something like @hellomrt suggests is fine. Falling apart is not fine. Telling the interviewer you were bullied is not fine. Telling the interviewer there was a settlement agreement is not fine.

@SackedandDisgraced - You may have been sacked but you are not disgraced. This happens a lot more than people realise, particularly at senior levels in organisations. A new CEO comes in and wants to bring in their own team. Or they want to get you out of the way so they can promote a rising star. Or one of many other reasons. You were clearly good at your job. You have nothing to be ashamed of. The right job will come along at some point. It may take a while and you may have to take a cut in pay or reduced flexibility, but there will be employers out there that will be overjoyed to have you on board. And you never know, there may be one that will offer you more money and more flexibility to get someone as clearly capable and with such a high profile as you.

everyone meets a bad apple in their career op, plenty of narcissists and other personality disorders reach the top jobs.
I agree with rehearsing a response, acting if you need to when asked about your previous role, so that it doesn’t cause a knee jerk emotional response. You’re not really acting anyway, until this person was in the picture you were doing amazingly well.
Keep your head up and don’t let this nasty person keep affecting you. The best thing you can do is have a successful career and I hope they spot you doing so in the future! Karma will get them one day. Best of luck and stay strong and fighting

I'd forgotten about the LinkedIn courses, it's also worth looking at Futurelearn which has a few good careers-based courses on it (as well as courses for any new skills you might want to teach yourself).

This is a better version of my suggestion. Love it!

I can’t thank you all enough for your kind words and fantastic advice. I have been awash with shame and sheer disbelief that this has happened but I am so encouraged by the advice and raw honesty on this thread.

I think I’ve found a suitable counsellor and am going to try a few sessions as I feel really knocked by this experience.

I’m taking this week to reset and next week I am going to apply for new roles with vigour and get some words down on a page as to why I’m looking for other opportunities. I’m going to keep it light, positive and professional.

I’m also going to reach out to my colleagues and ask if they’d like to meet for a coffee. I miss them dearly and I have to face the music at some point. I can’t let my shame get in the way of friendships.

Once again thanks to you all for imparting such wisdom and for the overwhelming support, it literally brought me to tears but has given me the kick I needed to get out of this rut.

people can say what they like about Mumsnet but this thread is a shining example of women supporting women. Thank you ever so much xx

Great to hear OP. Don't let the bastards grind you down.

Well done OP for dusting yourself down and getting ready to get back out there.

There’s nothing to feel any shame about. I’ve been a board level exec for 10 years or so now and everyone I’ve worked with has had a similar bruising experience to you. It will make you stronger and is an experience that, whilst brutal at the time, will make you better in your career.

@SackedandDisgraced keep us posted- we are all rooting for you -

It's been a long 30+ years! My mental health is in the toilet tbh.

When I was reinstated, they wouldn't give me my own job back, and transferred to another part of the organisation where I languished for 20 years. I lost all my confidence and couldn't face interviews. The few I did were a disaster because I wasn't in the right place.

Counselling and career support weren't really a thing back then, so I had nowhere to turn. My organisation had misrepresented us to our union so that they wouldn't even represent us, and said that we must have done something wrong. It was a lie.

I did well in my masters and I started to apply for jobs, but then both parents died in a short space of time. I did have a lot of flexibility re start/finish times which allowed me to drop my children off in the morning and pick them up in the afternoon, so I felt trapped.

I actually wish I had never been reinstated, and that I had just started again.

For that reason @SackedandDisgraced, let me tell you, you are best off out of that shitshow. Build yourself up and never look back. I remember being suspended and crying that I couldn't believe I wasn't allowed to go to work! And I hadn't done a thing wrong. I was just on the wrong side.

Thank you for your kindness @Treesandsheepeverywhere. I'm in tears here again. My working life has been a living nightmare.

I want to partially retire but my hateful team manager has refused even that.

We had a new director a number of years ago and we all sat back and watched while long-serving senior managers were sidelined and her own cronies brought in. Director now moved on and cronies starting to go too.

Gosh, sorry to hear that @Tiedtoatwat.
Sounds so demoralising.
Hopefully you can get away sooner rather than later and get to enjoy being free.
Life is too short.

All the best. One day you'll look back and wonder why you gave them a second thought.

Never seems it at the time, but setbacks help you grow and open doors for much bigger and better things.

Enjoy catching up with your old workmates too.