To feel mortified I was settled out of my job?

[SackedandDisgraced]

NC’d as I am legally prohibited from speaking to anyone about this IRL.

I have been in my role for 8 years. Last 4 years I was SLT in a very large company. It was a very public facing role so lots of presence on social media and tv. New CEO came onboard early 2024 and took an instant dislike to me. She made my life a literal hell. I pushed through it and dusted myself off so many times but it just wore me down and in the end I just couldn’t cope and ended up being signed off for 6 weeks.

The day I came back to work I was brought into a meeting with CEO and offered a protected conversation and a settlement. Basically said if I didn’t take the settlement I’d be placed on performance improvement (despite my performance being exemplary for 8 years) and made it clear she didn’t want me there.

my mental health was at an all time low when I was offered money to cut and run, which I took but now regret.

I had to clear my desk in the evening when nobody was around so never got to say goodbye but the rumours started circulating and people speculated I’d been sacked. I just feel so mortified. Business announced I’d left a week later with a pitiful thank you for my contribution. This was a public announcement because of what I do so it’s out there in the masses and I’ve been bombarded with questions and all I feel is complete shame.

can’t speak the truth to anyone IRL as I’m bound by the settlement but just feel so low. As if that wasn’t bad enough I am struggling to find another job that pays anywhere near what I was earning with the flexibility I had.

any words of wisdom?

OP, this is incredibly common. CEO’s are strong personalities and there are often clashes when a new CEO comes in.

Dont hide away. You haven’t done anything wrong. These things happen. When asked why you left, just say that you and the incoming CEO didn’t have the same vision but you wish the company well. Say that to ex colleagues, in interviews for new roles etc. No one will care. It is a common scenario. Hold your head high!

This is not at all unusual at the top of big organisations. What is unusual is that a)you should probably have had the opportunity to have a lawyer with you and b) the compromise agreement often includes clauses which say how the departure will be communicated (maybe including specific wording). Probably not much you can do about it now (unless the process was contrary to your contract) but definitely a learning point for next time

good luck

These gagging "agreements" need to be banned. They are a huge abuse of power and therefore can't be accurately called agreements at all, more like coercion. I don't see how they can stand up legally as often the people they are enacted upon are in no fit state to make a clear-headed decision or do anything other than get away from a toxic situation as quickly as possible. They're a tool used by bullies with money to ensure that they can perpetuate their vile behaviour.

This is very true.

I’d go with ‘a change of management meant it was time for me to move on’ with a wry smile, in an interview situation.

FWIW, I worked happily in a senior position for 10 years before we were acquired and in the company we were bought by, the management were absolutely toxic. I stuck it for two years and then jumped ship, and while I wasn’t in your position, it could have gone that way. I also know lies about me were told and that rumours were spread that I was pushed. I’ve now been in a new company for 5 years with 3-5 x the income (I was underpaid for years and didn’t know it) working with amazing people and it was seriously the best thing I did to move on!

I’m sure it will come good for you, do NOT shy away from working your contacts! Get out there, network like a boss and consider an executive coach rather than a counsellor to help you get back on your feet?

It sounds to me that you could benefit from some support either from a coach in relation to the interview process, or a therapist to help with the self confidence issues you find yourself with now. As a well renowned member of an SLT with a public persona and presence I imagine you used to be a very confident person, so that is who people expect to be interviewing. You need to find a version of that person again.

I would also perhaps refer back to your solicitor and ask them to advise what you can say about your leaving your previous job. Or run some options past them.

For example, are you allowed to say "There was a change of management and I was no longer required"

Did they give you a good reference as part of your settlement agreement at least?

In relation to if any ex-colleagues contact you I think I'd be honest and just say "legally I'm not allowed to discuss it. You'd need to speak with X"

Please don't look at it as being sacked. Given the fact that the position caused you so much stress you had to be signed off sick, try and rephrase it in your mind as you've dodged a massive bullet. Nothing would have changed on your return, so, despite how you feel at the moment, it's likely much, much better for your mental health.

A similar thing happened to me and other colleagues when a new manager came in.
It is devastating at the time and my confidence was really low.
I questioned myself a lot and I felt too incompetent to look for another job for a while.
But it's been a few years now and I can reflect on it now and see that it really wasn't me.
My dh was also "managed out" a few years back.
There are some shitty goings on in lots of work places.
Don't take it personally.

But when they are handled properly, genuine agreements which mean both sides have an agreed position, then it means no mudslinging and no pressure for other people connected to feel like they have to choose a side.

it’s not the tool, it’s the way it’s used

Oh, I'm sure there will be all manner of clauses, possibly including the "super-injunction" clause that says OP can't even mention that there is an NDA. But (a) these agreements are often unenforceable as they go against natural justice and you can't sign away your rights, and (b) nobody is going to find out what was said in an interview.

"I was bullied, and they made me sign an NDA. In fact I'm not even supposed to tell you that there was an NDA, but the alternative would be for me to sit here and make up some lies to tell you, and I'm not prepared to do that, not least because I wouldn't be able to get my story straight. I hope that makes sense, and I hope this will remain confidential."

I think you need to look much further afield to find your new job. Go on a huge adventure; take a five year appointment overseas.

Get legal advice from a union. Your NDA may not be legally enforceable if you were coerced into signing it. Personally, I think they are wicked things which should only ever apply to IP, not workplace culture,

I've been through similar.

It is devastating.

As part of the agreement, OP will have given up the right to take her employer to tribunal. That is a standard part of any settlement agreement. From the employer's point of view, it is the whole point of the agreement. It allows them to get rid of an employee they no longer want without having to worry about being sued for unfair dismissal, discrimination or whatever.

Something similar happened to my husband after 10 years and he left a shell of his former self all because of one bullying nasty manager. Luckily he was offered another job (literally the day after he sign the settlement agreement!) but the whole experience just knocked his confidence so much.

one thing that stood out in your replies was you said about being sacked. But you weren’t sacked, your were bullied and pushed out of your job. That’s completely different! You were given the opportunity to take a settlement and walk away rather than stay and BE sacked. So remember when you are interviewing that you were NOT sacked, you CHOSE to leave the company due to a toxic environment that made it untenable to continue working there. Tell interviewers that you felt it best to step away to clear your head ready for the next opportunity. Say it with confidence and if they ask for more information tell them that you were offered a settlement and legally can not discuss it further.
please do not feel shame, your old company should be ashamed of how they treated you!

Hello OP,

Well done on a successful role for 8 years in senior position. Well done on choosing to step out of a situation that wasn’t best for your emotional and physical wellbeing.

C-suite HR & legal experience here - what you have experienced really has nothing to do with you. New CEOs exit previous SLT over time and bring in their own people. It’s not a reflection on your ability to do your job.

You can say pretty much what you like in interview. The company won’t pursue you even with evidence. They only had you sign a settlement agreement so you won’t sue them.

The CEO hasn’t given it a second thought. You will benefit from counselling to help you reframe & externalise this.

You will see it for the positive change it is eventually.

Best wishes!

Glad this has been helpful for you,OP, and that you will get some counselling. I was bullied out of a job years ago - new big boss came in, brought in his useless and nasty right hand man who was my immediate boss. Boss hated me, mainly because I was competent and showed up his incompetence just by existing. After 6 moths of relentless bullying, I left. Big boss took the opportunity to put the boot in too and I realized there was no way of saving the situation so I had nothing else to lose - so asked him some pointed questions which made him very uncomfortable. I was really upset for a while, cut myself off from people I knew there and felt I was to blame. But I did get to the point where I could see it was a blip in my life, that life went on and that work was a means to an end rather than the reason for living.

About 5 years later it worked out that my lovely first boss had become the director of the division and I was in a position where I could do some work for the company again and I ended up doing a 6 month contract for them while between other projects. During that time, I learned a lot of stuff. There had been uproar from my clients about me leaving, and they and my co-workers were much more aware of the bullying than I had realized. And did not see it as me who was the problem. Big bosses secretary had heard my pointed questions to him, and the reason she would not look at me when I left the office is that she was trying not to laugh. She told everyone what I had said to him. Big boss and nasty boss were fired within a year of my leaving, and I like to think I played a small part in it (although there were many, many reasons for them being fired). New staff I had never met before told me that I was famous as the one who had told the gruesome twosome to fuck off (in proper business talk, without swearing but pretty clearly).

I bet people see and know much more about what is going on than you think. They may not know what to say or how to reach out to you or whether you want them to contact you. Dont take it too personally OP. This is a time to move on into a better position for you. It may take a while, but you will get there. Looking back, it is the best thing that ever happened to me. Wishing you all the best.

"Oh, I'm sure there will be all manner of clauses, possibly including the "super-injunction" clause that says OP can't even mention that there is an NDA. But (a) these agreements are often unenforceable as they go against natural justice and you can't sign away your rights, and (b) nobody is going to find out what was said in an interview.

"I was bullied, and they made me sign an NDA. In fact I'm not even supposed to tell you that there was an NDA, but the alternative would be for me to sit here and make up some lies to tell you, and I'm not prepared to do that, not least because I wouldn't be able to get my story straight. I hope that makes sense, and I hope this will remain confidential.""

@samarrange - settlement agreements are completely enforceable (especially where legal advice has been taken as op says it has) and that's not what a "super injunction" means. You are advising op to make the situation worse.

Practically ops previous job might not take steps to enforce the settlement agreement but they could if they wanted. Further your suggested explanation sounds petty and demonstrates to a new employer that op wouldn't even keep to a legally binding agreement which is a bad look.

As others have said it's much better to just say there was a restructuring with new management. Stay neutral and professional. As I say this has happened to me three times and I have been able to get good new jobs each time

it's much better to just say there was a restructuring with new management.

All other things being equal, then perhaps yes. Obviously we should all strive to "stay neutral and professional", but it seems to me that OP is here precisely because she can't. She wrote "I’m just falling to pieces in the interview process when I’m being asked why I left my old company". One explanation for this is that because, if she respects the NDA, she is essentially required to lie. On that basis, my suggestion is that she tells the truth, with whatever risks are associated with that. Of course there is no perfect solution here; it's another reason why bullying ruins lives.

You can't tell anyone what happened but you can say that you had to sign something and as a result can't give any details. You can even say your mental health had taken a battering after months of issues with new management and that you regret signing now. That should stop the you have been sacked rumours without giving any details.

@SackedandDisgraced I've been through similar, and so have several of my friends. It's really tough, so please be gentle with yourself. You managed the best exit and settlement that you could manage at the time - that's no mean feat.

In terms of interviews - yes - you will be asked about why you left. A true-enough answer (that works in quite a lot of fields) is: a new CEO came in, naturally enough s/he wanted to revise the org and bring in people s/he'd worked with before/ take it in a different direction / try a new style of [whatever] ; these things happen [shrug], there's no hard feelings, I accomplished a lot at XX. Now, I have the opportunity to: try a new field, learn new things, encouraged me to explore a new direction with my existing skills etc

Jamie Dimon (now CEO at JP Morgan) is not someone I'd usually cite, but, he was fired suddenly mid-career. His take on it (now) is "I lost some of my net-worth, not my self-worth".

And George Eliot in Middlemarch ( a bit more me) : "Pride helps; and pride is not a bad thing when it only urges us to hide our hurts— not to hurt others"

So, chin up love. There's a nest of vipers cheering you on.

What website do you use to get CV rewritten?

This happens all the time in my industry, communications. It’s not a reflection on you. Say that to yourself every day.

You did not get sacked. Your new boss just didn’t like you. That’s on her. Not you. It’s not a reflection on your performance.

The best thing to do is get on LinkedIn with a cheerful ‘I’m looking for my next role’ and crack on with using contacts to help you.

People might gossip for a week or so, but really….no-one cares that much. People always put too much weight on other people thinking about them when they really don’t!

You’ve had a horrid experience. Be glad you’re out of it now. And look to the future. You know you have one as you’re a high performer.

good luck and go get a new job!

I know you don't want to / can't take it further, but suggest maybe taking a look at & reaching out to HanLaw - I follow them on LinkedIn and their background is very inspirational and I feel would resonate with you. Even a chat with them might help you to realise it's not you & move forward - plus you never know where that contact and networking might take you 💐

Would you consider some coaching tp help build your confidence back up again? You have done nothing wrong but some support to help you find yourself again would help and may even open up new exciting opportunities.

You could get legal advice about whether the agreement you signed is legally sound particularly as you were pressured to sign it