To feel mortified I was settled out of my job?

[SackedandDisgraced]

NC’d as I am legally prohibited from speaking to anyone about this IRL.

I have been in my role for 8 years. Last 4 years I was SLT in a very large company. It was a very public facing role so lots of presence on social media and tv. New CEO came onboard early 2024 and took an instant dislike to me. She made my life a literal hell. I pushed through it and dusted myself off so many times but it just wore me down and in the end I just couldn’t cope and ended up being signed off for 6 weeks.

The day I came back to work I was brought into a meeting with CEO and offered a protected conversation and a settlement. Basically said if I didn’t take the settlement I’d be placed on performance improvement (despite my performance being exemplary for 8 years) and made it clear she didn’t want me there.

my mental health was at an all time low when I was offered money to cut and run, which I took but now regret.

I had to clear my desk in the evening when nobody was around so never got to say goodbye but the rumours started circulating and people speculated I’d been sacked. I just feel so mortified. Business announced I’d left a week later with a pitiful thank you for my contribution. This was a public announcement because of what I do so it’s out there in the masses and I’ve been bombarded with questions and all I feel is complete shame.

can’t speak the truth to anyone IRL as I’m bound by the settlement but just feel so low. As if that wasn’t bad enough I am struggling to find another job that pays anywhere near what I was earning with the flexibility I had.

any words of wisdom?

I feel your pain and sympathise, but can't offer any advice other than to others reading this thread which is never give up your right to talk to others about your own life and experiences for any amount of money.

We deal with difficult events through talking, and removing that can cause such destruction.

In interview and to your friends and colleagues, you say it was by mutual consent (which it was or at least it was too intolerable for you to stay) a conflict of opinions (which it was), it is commercially confidential and subject to a NDA. You could imply (or say) you weren't happy with the way the company was going, if that doesn't infringe your NDA.

Get dressed up, meet ex colleagues for lunch, network with old contacts. When they ask, smile and say I can’t really say. They will draw the conclusion you were paid off because of something new boss did (which is true, she was a bully!). People will take their cues from you. If you aren’t shameful they won’t think there is anything shameful.

I’ve paid for my CV to be rewritten and have got some really good agency contacts but I’m just falling to pieces in the interview process when I’m being asked why I left my old company. I know I need to get a grip of myself but honestly easier said than done.

I'm so sorry this happened to you, some companies and schools behave like shits to their staff and get away with it because staff like you are too worn down and broken to fight back.

The good news is that despite how awful the situation feels just now, everybody that I've known face this does bounce back and often ends up much better off than they were in the first place.

As for getting upset in interviews when asked why you left, prepare a neat phrase EG "we had different ways about how to move the business forward and I decided it was time to explore new challenges" then use the question as springboard to talk about how excited you are for the next chapter of your life and in particular for working with them.

They'll know you left under a bit of a cloud, they're not stupid but equally they'll know that many, many good people leave through no fault of their own. Just don't be tempted to criticise your old workplace or launch into a lengthy explanation of how badly you were treated.

That would put them off!

Good luck with your future, you will be just fine!

OP, I’m so sorry about this.
I think all there is for you to do now is to focus on the present and the future. Fuck them and their dirty politics!
Use this time to build your confidence again, if you can, use some of the money to treat yourself to something that makes you feel nice. A meal out, coffee with a friend, a hair cut, a book, a spa day or even a coaching session. Just be really kind to yourself. Give yourself two days to mope about and then pull yourself out of your funk and get applying for roles. You only need one new job and you will get it! And if you don’t like the new job or it doesn’t pay enough, you can look for another one.
All these things can be resolved but you must prioritise and protect your mental health. Forget about those bastards

Wise words.

Look forwards, not back

Most colleagues are really just that, not true friends. Bit like neighbours. One minute you know everything that's going on in their lives. The next, it's just Christmas cards. Don't take this personally. And think, honestly, how often have you reached out to former colleagues? Or did they just move on? It's always harder for the one who leaves than the ones left behind

Could you set up as self employed? This would avoid gaps in your CV and on linkedin. And reduce speculation if people may assume this was your choice to leave. And keep job hunting at the same time

would your compromise agreement permit you to say you were made redundant? There's no shame in that

Many people are let go and it so often works out for the best in the end

HR here, and I wondered if it would help you to know that all our senior exits are settlements. It’s standard procedure for us and doesn’t reflect on the individual. We would never PIP a senior leader. Senior leaders don’t resign, they wait for a settlement.

We try to make it as smooth as possible and I’m sorry that this isn’t the case for you. Your exit was not handled well.

We normally allow them to control the exit narrative as well as paying generous terms, unpaid commission and equity. We provide a neutral reference and the leadership team always provide personal references when needed.

Sometimes the needs of the business change or the opinions of the new C-suite change, or they want to bring in their friend to do the role and build up their own circle of people. It’s common to have a change in senior leadership when there is a new CEO.

The PPs advice of pulling together a positive narrative is a good one and you’ll need that moving forward. Do also post a positive update on LinkedIn when you’re ready, thank and tag the key senior people in your old role. Meet some people for lunch or coffee, apply for some roles. Practice your narrative in your head until you’re happy with it.

It will sting for some time but you will move onwards and upwards. It’s happened to me, and many others too

I am so grateful for this thread. I was a public sector CEO and moved into a senior role in a plc two years ago. I really like my Company and can see where I add value they can't easily replace. But I've seen people managed out and had a constant fear it would happen to me. It wasn't an issue at all in the public sector and I haven't known how to deal if it happened to me. So many brilliant posters here have convinced me that, even if it does happen, it isn't the end of everything and can be the gateway to something better. I've seen such a parade of strong, impressive people giving excellent advice- and really helping the OP emotionally and practically.

@SackedandDisgraced please ditch your username. You clearly aren't disgraced, and you weren't sacked. You are great at your job and have an opportunity now for a fresh lease on life. Now that you will be looking for your next role, know your worth and stipulate working conditions that are compatible with your family life- a decent employer will want you to keep things in balance and you need a reset. 💐

Thank you to all the awesome women (and maybe men) who have posted on this thread. Free life coaching is MN at its best.

Was it not agreed what you would say was your reason for leaving? In interview I’d just say you were made redundant, it’s not untrue.

This entirely. Ive been there and known others in exactly your position.

Great advice on previous posts too. One step at a time, prepare the sentence youre happy with, one coffee meet, then another, network. You will come out so much stronger, you can do this,
Good luck

My solicitor told me that I could say we had reached mutual agreement for me to leave the business. As the company I worked for we're making loads of redundancies (they avoided paying me my full redundancy because of my length of service and salary) I just say I was made redundant. No one has questioned it.

Exactly ‘reached a mutual agreement for me to leave’ sounds like ‘I quit before I was sacked’ !

I actually was sacked once and I was honest about it at my first interview (I was quite young) and the person interviewing told me not to be quite so honest in future 🤣

This happens all the time and it’s so unfair. I don’t think you should feel disgraced at all. Proper professionals know there are toxic “leaders” everywhere. They are often enabled by weak HR supporters who are bullied into going along with it all. Although you would love your job still who wants to be in a toxic environment ?

What person?

😂😂😂

OP one thought,
You don't say your age, well, as a retired v busy person I now meet many ladies and have time to talk (chill swimming does that) who have said how their confidence was destroyed and anxiety raised around the menopause, affecting how they dealt and felt about work - with hindsight I think I was affected but unaware when I was 'eased out of a job' I felt just like you.
Maybe worth sanity checking?
HRT can be life changing for many- too late for me though

@SackedandDisgraced this happened in the organisation I work for which is a public sector organisation. Thing is you don’t need to be embarrassed because other colleagues will have seen how you’ve been treated etc and although none are coming forward to speak to you about it it’s a fear from them of not wanting to put you in that position but think about it you’ve been there years and all good then suddenly your face doesn’t fit when a newbie comes, they will all know it’s a push out. Things you can take from this is that chances are it’s because you where good at your job that you were pushed as that is most def what happened to a colleague in my organisation. Slowly but surely the newbie is starting to employ more from their previous public sector organisation.

take away from this experience that your next role they will be lucky to have you, and you need to be firm on your own stance of why you left your previous role and by firm on your boundaries of leaving the office to put your kids to bed wtc. You say you can’t find anything with the same flexibility as previous job but actually entering an office at 7am and having jabs made about leaving at 6.30pm is not flexible remeber that!

@SoupDragon it's a special kind of person who kicks someone when they're quite clearly down. I hope you feel good about yourself.

@SoupDragon
She's not outing much and all is anonymous so wind your neck in!!

Happened to dh years ago. The company manged out anyone who didn't fit, he had actually sacked a number of people after lengthy disciplinaries, performance plans etc. Then it happened to him. A colleague who worked in hr when news went round that he was leaving said he absolutely had enough evidence to take them to an employment tribunal. But she didn't know that he had been offered cash and a glowing reference saying he was made redundant only due to restructuring into shifts that did not suit if he signed an NDA with a solicitor present agreeing not to talk about it or take them to an employment tribunal.

It was years ago and he is much better out of there. But also, it's never done to just one person. His manager was let go at the same time, others went before and after unexpectedly. Find yourself a better role somewhere that values its employees.

And just a simple line like, "it was better for me to leave" is enough if people ask. Anyone who knows NDAs are used might put two and two together anyway.

Compromise agreements are not uncommon and often simply because of personality clash. You have taken it far too much to heart. Stop moping and feeling self pity (I don't mean that cruelly, but if you don't pick yourself up now and get a grip it'll get worse for you in every way.
I would start job hunting immediately before you run out of money and end up being desperate for any job. Try old contacts who know how you work, they may well point you at opportunities they know of that will suit you.
If asked just say you left the last job after 8 years as you didn't see eye to eye with the new CEO. It happens and wouldn't bother me when recruiting. Your track record is more important than a single relationship.
Good luck, but please pick yourself up now.

You need an answer to give to that question.. perhaps ask your solicitor to approach former employer for an agreed form of words?

I know so many people this has happened to. And, though this may not help you at the moment, It's so common it's almost the norm. And I'm sure you know people who have suddenly moved on from a job, or said they are taking time out to go travelling, or just want a break. It's probably happened to them too.

Don't take it personally.

Try not to panic, take time to get well, use the money wisely to get your head back in a good space. Honestly, it's not you, it's just the way these things work. It's not nice - but you'll find somewhere where you are a good fit with management like you were before. Don't start applying for jobs till you feel in a better place - take that time to heal.

This happened to my husband, he'd been so battered down that he went into a total tail spin, and it was incredibly public. Now, 10 years on, he's in an entirely new industry, with nice people, no stress, and better paid.