To feel mortified I was settled out of my job?

[SackedandDisgraced]

NC’d as I am legally prohibited from speaking to anyone about this IRL.

I have been in my role for 8 years. Last 4 years I was SLT in a very large company. It was a very public facing role so lots of presence on social media and tv. New CEO came onboard early 2024 and took an instant dislike to me. She made my life a literal hell. I pushed through it and dusted myself off so many times but it just wore me down and in the end I just couldn’t cope and ended up being signed off for 6 weeks.

The day I came back to work I was brought into a meeting with CEO and offered a protected conversation and a settlement. Basically said if I didn’t take the settlement I’d be placed on performance improvement (despite my performance being exemplary for 8 years) and made it clear she didn’t want me there.

my mental health was at an all time low when I was offered money to cut and run, which I took but now regret.

I had to clear my desk in the evening when nobody was around so never got to say goodbye but the rumours started circulating and people speculated I’d been sacked. I just feel so mortified. Business announced I’d left a week later with a pitiful thank you for my contribution. This was a public announcement because of what I do so it’s out there in the masses and I’ve been bombarded with questions and all I feel is complete shame.

can’t speak the truth to anyone IRL as I’m bound by the settlement but just feel so low. As if that wasn’t bad enough I am struggling to find another job that pays anywhere near what I was earning with the flexibility I had.

any words of wisdom?

Excellent example of what can happen. OP, I wish you all the best…good workers get hired at other firms, and you may find that you will be far happier at a better employer.

That sounds just awful. There are a lot of people out there that will do anything to protect themselves.

my boss was so disparaging of me every single day, she would remark on the way I spoke, what I wore, the pieces I would write, it was just slight after slight. More than anything though she had a real problem with me leaving the office at 6.30 to tuck in my DC and would remark I was a part timer when I’d get to the office at 7am every day. It was so abusive in the end.

I just hope this dies down quickly

I have been in a vaguely similar situation, and what has helped me is realising it was just one person's opinion. Plenty of people have told me to my face that I'm great at my job. And people I respect, unlike the person who forced me out of the job. I found CBT very helpful - I start a great new job in a few weeks, and soon the last one will be a bad memory . Good luck!

I’m so sorry you’ve gone through this. For what it’s worth, a very similar thing happened to my DH, and also similar (but not quite as nasty) to me. It was hell at the time but a few years on we both have careers in slightly different fields that we’ve retrained for and absolutely love. We sort of fell into what we’re doing now and would never have considered these jobs before, but we’re so much happier. Hang in there - it will get better, I promise.

You are not your job. You are so much more than what you do for a living.

In time, you will come to see it as a good thing. I speak from experience.

Right now, it feels shameful, it feels demeaning, it feels as if you are unwanted and useless. It tears down your self esteem and your life, in one vile swoop - we spend so much time at work, a lot of us take pride in our work and it is part of what makes us, on a day to day basis, that you can suddenly find yourself wondering who you are, if your work is gone.

It takes time to recover, and, contrary to what you might expect, recovery doesn't start the moment you get the pay out and leave. It's going to come and hit you like a ton of bricks, then you'll be in a processing phase, then you'll start the recovery. You WILL build yourself back up again. YOU will go on to have better times, and a happier working life. You will come to realise that although they behaved atrociously, if they had not done this, you would have hung on by a thread for likely some years to come, being slowly and painfully more broken. The shove had to come from somewhere, because we do hang on to things that bring us familiarity and comfort, even if they are negative and draining.

You have nothing to be ashamed about. The schoolyard bullies who grew up to be workplace bullies, do.

I'm thinking of you. I've been down this road. The rug being pulled under when I was at my lowest ebb (which is a common tactic workplaces do, by the way, go after you when you're at your weakest) wiped me out for a year or so.

I was utterly broken and didn't recognise until I aired my head again, how ill it had made me.

I look back and shake my head in shame, at them. They know what they did. And people in your workplace will be ashamed of what's been done to you, as well.

I’m just falling to pieces in the interview process when I’m being asked why I left my old company.

Can you get the strength together to just tell the truth: "I was being bullied by the new CEO"?. You don't want to work somewhere that is not sympathetic to that.

She sounds awful. It doesn't feel like it now, but leaving that job was the best thing that could have happened to you. It's time for a fresh start, to use your talent somewhere it will be appreciated.

You did the right thing getting out of there, it would have made you ill.

As far as the interview question goes, would "I'm sorry, I'm not allowed to talk about that due to an NDA" work?

Don’t read the papers, Google yourself or check what people are saying on social media. I have been through this too in a very public way. You will feel better for not reading it. What people are speculating has no bearing on the truth - it’s written to sell papers and in the absence of any details they’ll make them up.

When it comes to interviews, you need to own what happened and come up with a stock reply to the inevitable question that is factual and to the point. You have presumably been media trained and are experienced in crisis PR if you were giving interviews - fall back on that training and apply it in job interviews. Apply the tools you have for corporate reputation management to your own reputation.

Lots of senior professionals and entrepreneurs have been through similar so do t assume doors will be closed on you. Honesty and openness will be respected.

You need to reframe this in your mind, if you can.
You did nothing wrong, you’ve been made redundant due to a change of leadership - they often bring in their own people, and you’re moving on.
Sit and note down all the achievements you’d made whilst you were there, make sure you update your CV and LinkedIn appropriately and reach out to your network. Former colleagues may have been asked not to contact you. But you can contact them, say you ‘parted company’ and are looking for roles. You don’t have to elaborate - it’s so common and no reflection on you.

You will find a new role, would you consider contracting? Can be lucrative and less involvement in company politics as you’re not there permanently. Or maybe try freelancing for a bit - again you’re just there doing a good job.

And hopefully karma will get your unpleasant manager. It usually does eventually.

Good luck.

A similar thing happened to me, as well. It was a long time ago but I seem to be feeling fragile today and these posts are upsetting me! People's advice here is good, @SackedandDisgraced (and you are NOT disgraced!) Give yourself some time to regroup: it's a sudden life change; you need to let yourself take stock.

It helped me to remember the NDA means they know they are in the wrong. Not you.

People were pleased to hear from me later. I held off making contact until I could be 'normal' about it, talk about other things than my great sense of injustice (which I couldn't discuss anyway). They'll help you find your next job. Meanwhile, do something really nice for yourself

With regards to interviews and questions about your old job, did you get an agreed reference as part of the settlement? If so, use that - “there was a restructure and it was the right time to leave.”

I’m just falling to pieces in the interview process when I’m being asked why I left my old company.

Prepare your answer, brief and clear, memorise it word for word, rehearse it and recite it every time you're asked. If you churn out your prepared answer you won't feel any anxiety.

You weren't sacked, get out of that mindset. Choose the words carefully, so that you don't lie but don't make it sound like you were pushed because you did something wrong. Changes within the company etc etc (which is true). Was it technically a redundancy? If so, say that. There's no shame whatsoever in it. End with a positive, you want something new, make it sound like you want something more than the old job could offer.

I went through something fairly similar, was basically manoeuvred into resigning by a manager who simply took against me and was insinuating poor performance. He couldn't actually state that my performance was poor because that wasn't true. It was bruising, but I got a temporary job relatively quickly then a permanent one. The injustice stings, but the fact is, your position there was unsustainable like mine was, the job that was once good was soured, and you're better off putting it behind you. The manager behaved appallingly and I didn't deserve it, but the bastard didn't destroy me, and the person who was left doing my job was nowhere near as good at it!

Don't be mortified. 8 years of loyal service, of course they should have given you a payout.

When people ask, just say that you decided it was time to move on given the longevity of your role there and you wanted a new challenge. If your new boss was so awful, she'll be like that to everyone else - so it's a brilliant thing you're not still there.

People will tell you this is the best thing that's happened to you and you won't believe it, but it will be. You got this!

Possible answer to that interview question:

I’ve been thinking about needing a new challenge for some time now. It’s hard to leave a role when I’ve enjoyed it so long, love the people and have had so many great achievements. With change happening anyway within the management structure, it seemed a good moment to make the move. I’m excited to see what’s next for me.

Then you can tell them about those great achievements 😊

Have a little think. Perhaps before you post next time. It helps.

There are no identifying details here. There are no legal grounds for concern. Before you step city the knife in, engage your brain.

If you were on a high salary and some of the compensation was tax free, what does it equate to in terms of net salary?

Find a good job/careers counsellor, talk it through with them - your feelings and resentment about what's happened, and then work with them to decide what you want from your next role and strategy to get that, maybe practice interviews so that you can get to a place where you can talk about the end of your last role without sounding bitter - and a potential problem employee.
It's a shame that you weren't able to negotiate that as part of your exit strategy.

I've used this type of counselling/coaching in the past when roles have ended badly - I've evaluated it on the principle that even if it seems expensive, if it gets me back into work a week sooner, that's worth £xxx...
(I also did a lot of self employed interim work, so set it off against tax)
I also had one really great counsellor whom I'd known well in a previous role where she'd been a trustee - she was fab & didn't charge me.

I think the person that I found really good may have retired, but DM me it you're interested & I can find out. I met her face to face, but she worked online too.
There are larger placement type firms out there too- I had an introductory meeting with one, found it very impersonal and process driven and negotiated cash or reimbursement of whatever solution I went with.

It depends what type of work you do, but think about taking an interim role or fixed term role - it helps you do something positive & get that under your belt, and on the interviewing front, recruiters are less focussed on why you left your current role, any gap on your CV, etc. - and in interviewing for your next perm role, you can talk about your most recent achievements.

Good luck with it all, I hope that you find your dream role soon.

This is so much more common than you think, please don't feel bad.

You could have fought it, but it would have drained you and they would have strung it out, possibly for years depending on hearing dates and while your savings were whittled down. Where you are is nothing to be ashamed of.

And don't worry about the colleagues either. You will run into them one day - I met my version of the colleagues at a funeral 5 years after leaving. They know you are the same person, it's just that sometimes writing out in person is the hardest thing.

She CAN'T say that. She's signed a Compromise Agreement. She could be sued by the company if she made a disparaging remark against them.

She should simply say "they restructured and I was sadly made redundant".

Literally impossible to work out who this is, legally. Not enough info here to make a jigsaw ID claim.

@SackedandDisgraced I have been there, also a VERY public role so I get it. It's horrible and no words will change that I know.

Just believe me when I say I am years down the line now. I earn a lot more than I did and have a much more respectful working environment. It took time but I got there and so will you. Be kind to yourself.

OP this is so common, it really is. Please try to stop feeling shitty over it all. Try your best to pull it together for interviews, replying "sadly I was made redundant", is a short and simple answer as to why you left.

Have you tried looking for interim contract work? You'd need to join agencies that deal with this in your industry.

Whilst you're currently not working, you could try a couple of side hustles to keep you busy and stimulated, and you never know, in a couple of years, they might take off, such as writing books, starting a youtube channel etc.

I really hope you find something soon, and again, please do not be hard on yourself, this really does happen all the time, I know so many people who have been managed out in similar circumstances and every one of them ended up doing something better for a lot more money.