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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Worst thing your in-laws have ever said or done to you?

408 replies

Springsunshine123 · 03/02/2025 21:52

Whats the worst thing your in-laws have ever said/done to you? Long list of mine include:
MIL telling me on our wedding day “Did not expect this to be this nice from you”
MIL asking me how much my jacket was and when replying £50 she said (god are you sure, wouldn’t expect you to fork out that much!)
trying to feed my 9mo lucozade
wanting someone to blow smoke into my 7yo’s ear to cure his earache
telling me it was my fault her husband was coughing…. The list of gems is endless…GO!

OP posts:
ImDoneOnceAndForAll · 04/02/2025 00:54

Eatthedonut · 04/02/2025 00:48

I had suffered a miscarriage and was undergoing genetic testing it turns out I am a carrier of a genetic condition. We told family and Father in law said to DH ‘you should trade her in for a younger model’

What the actual fuck! Thats horrendous

Im so sorry

WearyAuldWumman · 04/02/2025 00:59

My husband's daughter, shortly after he died and before the funeral was even organised: "Well, I don't know what you think - but I think that when you're gone, you're gone."

No, I hadn't brought up the topic of the afterlife (or otherwise) and this was on the phone. I can't remember whether this was before or after she said she wasn't coming to the funeral. (It was during lockdown and she didn't want to risk her health.)

JMSA · 04/02/2025 01:03

Oh, I dunno, I can't quite remember. But it was probably something related to my weight.
Not seeing them again after the divorce was such a bonus!

MountainMomma26 · 04/02/2025 01:05

“Aren’t you over that yet?”

MIL three months after the death of my daughter.

She had asked me why I wasn’t back at work. I tried to explain I didn’t feel strong enough as I still cried when I discussed my daughter and I couldn’t face dozens of work colleagues some of whom might not have known why I was off.

“You’re lucky you don’t have 5 kids to buy for” SIL’s snap remark to me the day after my daughter was buried - the week before Xmas. She was complaining about how she had so much Xmas shopping to do. I hadn’t been paying enough attention to her complaining and she was annoyed.

WearyAuldWumman · 04/02/2025 01:08

MountainMomma26 · 04/02/2025 01:05

“Aren’t you over that yet?”

MIL three months after the death of my daughter.

She had asked me why I wasn’t back at work. I tried to explain I didn’t feel strong enough as I still cried when I discussed my daughter and I couldn’t face dozens of work colleagues some of whom might not have known why I was off.

“You’re lucky you don’t have 5 kids to buy for” SIL’s snap remark to me the day after my daughter was buried - the week before Xmas. She was complaining about how she had so much Xmas shopping to do. I hadn’t been paying enough attention to her complaining and she was annoyed.

There are no words. I am so very sorry.

whatdoidonowffs · 04/02/2025 01:16

my now ex MIL sent my ex wife to be an email listing all the things wrong with me and why she shouldn’t marry me
in hindsight given how it turned out she was probably right 😂😂

WellsAndThistles · 04/02/2025 01:26

This really pissed me off at the time.

Once in a generation visit from family in Australia, huge family party organised by in-laws, never stopped blabbing on about it to DH. But, my DH was abroad for work when they came from Aus to UK so he couldn't make it, in-laws never thought to invite me though as obviously I was only ever a +1.

That was the end of me bothering my arse for them.

MyOtherCarIsAPorsche · 04/02/2025 01:30

MIL manages to upset everyone at every single opportunity.

When I first met her she said - your not (husband's) type, you're too pale.

MIL asked me to go with her to buy her outfit for my wedding day.

First port of call was a very swish boutique in our small market town. She tried on a few outfits and one particular outfit looked fabulous and I told her so. She went quiet when she saw the price tag. Both the boutique owner and I were trying our hardest to get her to buy it. She didn't - her excuse was that 'she didn't want to outshine the bride on her big day'. To which the boutique owner replied, 'your daughter in law to be could wear a big black bin bag and still outshine you'.

We ended up in C&A in a large city centre (that dates it) where she bought a dress for £19.99. Her shoes and hat were from a market stall. The outfit which we had all liked was £300 and it was more than I'd paid for my wedding gown (she didn't know that).

Other 'compliments' were 'the black widow is here again' (me).

'That lipstick looks fluorescent' - it was clear lipgloss.

'I wouldn't make my son eat that muck' - I was making pizza dough and had just spent a small fortune on gourmet cheese and meats.

'You and your father could be twins' - meant to be derogatory.

'Let's go home and get warm' - she said to FIL when the darn parkray fire had gone out and I couldn't get it relit while H was at work. 'That's going to be nice, (her son) coming home to a freezing cold house when he's been at work all day.' I'd only just got in from work myself and was busy preparing a meal rather than concentrating on the fire (which powered the central heating).

There wasn't a day went by without criticism and snarky comments. I was glad when FIL divorced her and she went to Lanzarote with her new boyfriend and her divorce proceedings. My children were 3, 5, 7.

She doesn't know my children. She'd booked a cheap last minute holiday and went away the day before my first child was due because she told me that all first born children were at least two weeks late and she wanted to look tanned in 'her baby photos'. He was born the day she went on holiday. She told me I was inadequate at breastfeeding as her second son (BIL) had put at least a pound on every week while she was breastfeeding. H had been formula fed.

When she visited relatives back in the UK she would walk past my children in the street because she had no idea what they looked like. She took no interest in them whatsoever. She came back to live in the UK a few years ago and expects us to drop everything and run after her. It won't happen - she alienated our children all on her own. She gossips to anyone who will listen about how she doesn't see her grandchildren and great grandchildren. Her great grandchildren are frightened when they see her as she is loud and overbearing.

She threw my husband out of the house when he was 15 because he swore at her because she hadn't washed his best jeans. He's hardly said a word to her in the intervening 47 years. I went out of my way to include his family in our lives because all my family are very close.

She is barely tolerated - my son who was an avid Harry Potter fan pointed out, when he was small, that she was like a dementer - who sucked all the joy and life out of everyone. I couldn't have described her any more accurately.

FIL married a wonderful lady - we see them regularly and socialise with her wider family. FIL won't say much against his ex wife - just, she's a very bitter woman.

She made her own choices - now has to live with them.

SomethingUniqueThisTime · 04/02/2025 01:37

Large family gathering at Christmas with all the in-laws, nephews, nieces and our family. We were chatting about a member of my family and their serious health problems , FIL pipes up from across the room and in a very loud voice asked DH whether all of family were fat like me!
On that day I vowed they would never be invited to our house again and for the rest of their stay I went into work even though I was on leave. DH still visited them with DC but without me. After FIL died I resumed normal relationship with MIL, who although she had flaws was a a kind soul.

Ilikegreen · 04/02/2025 01:40

So so many comments down through the years

  • Early 20s and wearing a nice bright red nail varnish, FIL told me I was ‘cheap’
  • First week much wanted premie DS was home, MIL told me about how many SIDS babies she knew of, and terrified me
  • Seriously ill in ICU, two month old DS - very stressful all round - retired PILs visited the hospital and decided to tell their friends / wider family I was not that sick. To this day, I get asked am I feeling ‘better’ after my brush with ‘postpartum depression’ that my MIL diagnosed me with, not that I was in ICU seriously ill
  • Both PILs regularly describe me as a bad fit for their family, as my parents are divorced
  • When drinking, my FIL has twice decided to ‘tell me how it is’ and has literally chased me around trying to corner me so he can shout at me
  • Constantly tells the man on the street how I hold their son back and how much he suffers…..
  • Recently wrote a letter to my DH to tell him that I take up too much of ios time, we’re happpily married nearly 20 years
  • MIL turned up late for our wedding, so I was 45 minutes late to the ceremony until she got there / delayed our entire day, but the alternative was to start without her which didn’t seem right
  • FIL changed the list of songs for the wedding band….to what he liked

I could go on and on…. contact is limited, DH fed up to the back teeth of their behaviour

MermaidMummy06 · 04/02/2025 03:02

How long do you have?

MIL, before our wedding, was lovely until SIL became jealous & set MIL off with lies about me. I was very young & endured hours of verbal abuse & DH didn't defend me. Just sat there. Looking back, I should have run.

Years of nastiness, ignoring my wishes with DC & feeding them loads of sugar & junk & being alternately lovely and nasty.

The worst, though was after my 2nd was born she came to my house to tell me 'everything wrong with my behaviour. She honestly thought I was going to sit calmly, listen & apologise. I've still no idea what her issue was because I asked her to leave. She had a full on tanty, screaming and yelling insults. THEN rang DH & told him to come home as his wife would be in a ball, rocking & crying. I was actually trying to settle both DC who'd she'd woken with her screeching (but my fault, apparently!). I just told DH I'm fine, I was expecting it one day, but I'm done.

He went to IL's that night & FINALLY told his parents to pull their heads in or her go NC. I did go NC.

What's worse is no one would pull her up. DH, FIL, SIL. I was still expected to be pleasant & pulled up on any infraction (I forgot to say please once).

I'm going to own it. When MIL passed I cried - tears of joy. FIL quickly remarried her friend, who is an absolute lovely lady & FIL is no longer nasty & rude. SIL has lost her back up so we barely see her. She'd become so bad her funeral was quite sparse. Her behaviour had pushed so many people away.

Itsarug · 04/02/2025 03:08

After telling MIL that DH & I couldn't have children, she proceeded to tell me how easily she fell pregnant.

Interestingly, she assumed the issue was me. It wasn't, it was DH, but I didn't want to embarrass him by saying that.

She still tells me 'tips'.

ErinAoife · 04/02/2025 03:20

My mil one Christmas told me she did not get me anything as she was waiting for the sales to buy me something. I am still waiting for the present for that year.3years ago, again mil and sil (they live together) told me a month before Christmas, don't buy us anything as we won't buy you anything due to the cost of living,

user1498193554 · 04/02/2025 04:29

Isn’t it nice that ‘bigger’ girls go to the gym. I’m a size 12, Crossfitter, marathon runner , Ironman.
maybe if you spent your money on things that made you look ‘nicer’ rather than the gym. Such as Botox, etc

Natsku · 04/02/2025 04:39

Were my ex-inlaws but at that point they were still being really nice to my face and I thought they were decent people. Then I found out they had made a whole lot of ridiculous reports about me to social services and even asked the social workers if they could adopt my DD!

anicecuppateaa · 04/02/2025 05:12

Dd was born very poorly. When visiting us for the first time in nicu, fil said perhaps Dh and I are genetically incompatible. Dd has since died and I’ve never forgiven him for such a thoughtless, hurtful comment.

PurpleDiva22 · 04/02/2025 05:15

Announced our engagement to all our family before it even happened!

AmateurNoun · 04/02/2025 05:16

It's not that bad compared to some of the stories on here, but they did openly express their disappointment that we were having a boy when I was pregnant.

I was trying to adjust to the idea of having a boy having imagined having a girl, and having them express their disappointment really didn't help.

I love my little boy in the end and wouldn't change him for the world.

Tryinghardtobefair · 04/02/2025 05:16

Not the worst thing but it's in the top 5. My SIL made the mistake of slagging me off to my husband a few months ago. He obviously told me, and I contacted her and asked her to talk to me rather than about me in the future because we're both adults, and DH will tell me anyway so why not cut out the middle man.

She then started harassing my husband via text about how I'm abusive and coercively controlling him into giving me access to his texts, because that's the only way he would ever tell me what she said (🤨). When she wasn't getting anywhere with her tantrums, she threw in some threats to text our disabled child about how toxic and horrible I am.

She carried her tantrum on for a week, and just kept escalating. It got to the point DH had to take two days off work sick with stress because his own health issues were triggered by the stress and he couldn't function.

DH and I have been together for nearly 5 years, married for nearly two.
Before cutting her off and blocking her, DH pulled SIL up on the fact that she wouldn't have waited nearly 5 years to mention my "abuse" if she was genuinely concerned, rather than just angry got caught out. SIL promptly told him that she's blocking him to protect her own mental health 🙄🙄

Oh and SIL is 33 😬

jellyfishperiwinkle · 04/02/2025 05:23

Mine are great really but MIL did get really offended one time when I just stated, factually, that I had been the main breadwinner for a number of years now. She thought it was upsetting or emasculating for DH for me to say it. DH was like 🤔🫣 "Umm, not really."

Ellaelle · 04/02/2025 05:34

TiramisuThief · 03/02/2025 21:59

Accused me of wanting to steal their money when I suggested they should look into POA and write a will 🙄

Well to be fair......

Shouldn't that be your partner / husbands job to ask them that?

RedSnapdragon · 04/02/2025 05:47

My MIL is generally lovely, but she’s still convinced that I don’t really work because I’m a freelancer.

Doesn't matter how often I drop in comments about deadlines or new projects - I think she assumes my work (I’m a full time editor/writer) is a nice little hobby and I spend my days baking cakes, going for walks and writing the odd little story here and there. In reality I work every hour I can!

Brooomhilda · 04/02/2025 05:49

I wasn't that bad, not nearly but I'll always remember when I was trying to get MIL excited about our new baby (her first grandchild) and when she was talking about her new car I joked there might be a car seat in the back soon... and she snapped back "I'm done raising my babies I won't be raising yours!". All I was trying to imply is that she might enjoy having a day out with her grandchild at some point, maybe taking her out somewhere and spending time together... not that she'd be raising her! I found it so strange. There is not a single part of me that would want to offload my child on a grandparent to raise. She has made true to her comment and rarely sees dd. She came around to see her once after her birth (3 years ago) and hasn't been to us since, we go to her (maybe once or twice a year). So I don't know where she thought she'd be "raising" her.

margeyoursoakinginit · 04/02/2025 05:51

Just recently I was really sick, got tested came back as influenza A. I felt shocking as you do when you have the flu but it was my sons uni graduation so I dragged myself out of bed and put on a nice outfit. Attempted some make-up and put my hair in a ponytail. MIL was coming over to mind the dogs ( she's nice with things like that as the event was hours away so couldn't leave them alone - it's just that she hops around with her foot in her mouth).
She walks in takes one look at me ( I'm all ready to go) and said really loudly "you look terrible!" I just sort of wilted and said "gee thanks" Then she suggested I put on a brighter lipstick as that would help.
She does have a good heart but she just wouldn't know tactfullness if it flew into her face. There are so many more but I'm at the trying to ignore them stage now.

Zanatdy · 04/02/2025 05:56

Never anything to my face, but they threw my ex out when they realised he was in a relationship with a white person, wrong religion and already had a child with someone else. They also refused to allow the DC to visit for around a decade, they always came to us. Then that changed one day, no idea why. Luckily for them i’m fairly laid back, non grudge holder and supported my DC having a relationship with them. DC are grown up now, 20 and 17, and to be honest they just think their grandmother is a bit bonkers! Sadly grandfather has passed. Ex MIL have ironically always liked me and i’m the only DIL she didn’t fall out with. I guess she had zero expectation of me, and realised I was actually nice. Not the terrible person she expected.