Waiting for the right guy equals no baby

[Chiliconcarneplease]

I'm going full force with this - I hate how many people on here say about waiting for the right guy before having a baby (you had a baby in your situation???) Etc but between 30 to 40% of women are expected to end up childless (involuntarily) because they were searching for the right guy.

We have to accept women having babies in less than ideal situations, or we're fucked as a race.

Agreed. Under his eye.

Surely it’s better to have no baby at all than have a baby with a useless, lazy half wit destined to be a deadbeat of a dad?

What about the children who then grow up in less than ideal situations with shitty fathers? Do they not matter?

So you advocate… women having babies with men they don’t like / aren’t going to stick around / can’t provide for a child etc…. Purely so they have a baby?

May the Lord Open

Yes

What the heck! No effing way. I’d rather be happy, single and childless than be with a shitty husband/father. Why are you encouraging women to settle?! We should be encouraging men to do better!!

So you would rather have a highly populated world with single mothers, children in poverty, fatherless children and traumatised humans all round, than have a slightly less populated world with happy, healthy prosperous people?

What is 'waiting for the right guy'?

Well, to be fair I'm 100% agreeing with you - we should encourage British men to do better.

The amount of childhood trauma that goes on due to parental conflict is staggering. Please don't just have a baby with anyone.

What data are you referencing in your post, OP?

@Chiliconcarneplease i don’t think women want to have babies with men they don’t like / won’t support them etc. For obvious reasons.

The issue isn’t that they’re being told to wait, it’s that having a child is a huge commitment / financial responsibility and it’s difficult to get all these things to align while young enough to have many kids.

I think you’d probably see the birth rate go up a bit if housing was more affordable.

To do better if they want children, yes. Not that they should have children they don’t want.

Yeah, having children they don't want sounds a bit rape like tbh. I'm assuming both participate in the act

The only time when you can consider having a child despite not being in a good relationship is when you're in a position to raise said child alone, not just financially but also having the capacity as a person to do everything solo, it's hard work not having another person as back up! I do understand the urge to have children but children deserve a good home too

Yes, it might. That's just tough, unfortunately. If you're not financially stable, emotionally and practically capable and in a stable, loving relationship, it's better for everyone, including you, that you don't have children.

I agree - so how do we combat this issue while increasing birthrate?

OP I agree with part of your post. I know two women who have missed the chance to have kids because they waited for Mr. Perfect. But I also know one who quit waiting and took control of her life and that worked out best.

Instead of waiting for the right guy, women who really want a baby, are financially stable in and of themselves, and able to provide love and resources to a child, have the option of going it alone. Plenty of sperm banks out there. No deadbeats needed in their lives.

I don't think we're likely to run out of human beings

Look I’m really sorry it didn’t happen for you OP.

If it did, why are you so adamant about arguing this point? Why do you care about population so much / the human quotient in the UK?

If it didn’t happen for you, have you asked yourself why? Is it all the fault of “British men” or is there something you can do to change your world?

”Settling” for life choices which could fundamentally f up your child for life just seems outrageous to be honest. It’s fine to want a baby, but not any any cost surely? @Chiliconcarneplease

Don't. The Ponzi scheme of ever-increasing populations to prop up pensions and Capitalism isn't sustainable. It's going to be terrible for a couple of generations while things adjust, but it needs to happen.

Deadbeat dads cost the economy a fortune because they do not pay their way or mess up the lives of their family and social services need to pick up the pieces.

If you're prioritising the woman in this situation, then yes you might be right in some situations - the woman might feel happier having a child with a poor co-parent, although they are likely to be tied together for the long-term.

If you're prioritising the potential child then you need to choose a compatible, decent person who is going to be a competent and loving parent.

Please don't knowingly saddle a child with an abusive parent.

(Obviously no-one can guarantee what kind of parent a partner will turn out to be. But you can know the person they are).

A woman's desire to have a child is not as important as a child's right to have good parents.

I think it's preferable to have a baby without any father being involved rather than a shite one.