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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask the hardest thing you have ever been through

537 replies

Youngishh · 02/02/2025 20:49

Currently going through a divorce and it’s got me thinking about things that people go through in life. Although I am struggling with it, the hardest things I have ever been through was an abortion. I have still never got over it tbh.

OP posts:
stressedandblessed · 04/02/2025 09:10

momofonex · 04/02/2025 07:45

I had to make the decision to amputate my son's leg when he was just 1 years old. I was a 21 year old, single mother and it's single handedly the hardest thing I've ever gone through - it was a very lonely time. But he's 4 now, wears a prosthetic leg and does amazing. Just me left with the trauma 🫣

wow that must have been so hard 🤯 I cannot even imagine! ❤️

Goodtogossip · 04/02/2025 09:11

My Mum finding out she had terminal cancer & dying a week later. We had no time at all to process anything & then had her funeral to arrange.

narcASD · 04/02/2025 09:26

@Goodtogossip same situation here with my mum, admitted to hospital feeling a bit unwell and died 12 days later of liver cancer, no prior ill health, still not proceeded it 5 years on.

So, that and having to give birth to a baby I knew was dead, induced on a Friday and had him at 6.22pm on the Sunday, was horrific as I was in the labour ward with others who had live babies, I never forget the taxi man who picked us up asking if I'd had a boy or girl, it broke me for many years.

ForeverDelayedEpiphany · 04/02/2025 09:46

TheAirfryerQueen · 04/02/2025 06:08

I've been SA and I've got divorced, my brother has had cancer, and I've had a spell of depression, but I think the hardest thing was having a difficult birth.

Pre-eclampsia, and I was rushed into theatre for a C-section, and I was shaking so badly because it was very scary, but then I had to have a GA because of a drug the labour ward gave me (I can't say what it was), and I was put ti sleep and then I was told they couldn't rouse me after. DD was 2lbs 3 oz. I eventually came round and my wound really fucking hurt. But they later wheeled me to the incubator and I disassociated, because of the way she arrived.

Then the breastfeeding nurse kept harassing me for milk and despite my very best efforts I didn't have any, only a few drops, so I had to persuade her and the ward leader to put her on formula, and they made me feel like a failure for asking. I cried a lot.

Whilst I was doing all the practical things a mum should be doing I didn't feel much love towards her. It came much later when doctors effectively told me she wouldn't amount to much because she was 8 weeks early. At an assessment one doctor made negative noise because of what we both did for a living. There was supposed to be a follow up appointment but I refused to go because I wasn't going to go out if my way to be judged on my class or working life. My HV said I was making poor choices and said it might be in part because I'm a first time mum who had unrealistic expectations of the health service and of my daughter. I said pre-eclampsia happens to women of all social classes and to bog off.

Anyway, at about a year old she started at nursery and flourished. She had no noted SEN, just slightly delayed. By the time she started school she was doing very well, and in fact her teacher asked me if she had a tutor (at 5?). I said no. Academically she flew, and got 8 GCSEs. She coming to the end of her A' levels now and is predicted As and Bs. Socially she's got loads of friends and goes out every Friday with them. She speaks up for herself and her friends despite being shy. I'm very proud of her and feel like I was justified in my decision making. I still don't see myself as "mum" but a parent, like that makes a difference somehow. The way she came will always affect both of us but it's acknowledged, and I'm at peace with it.

Bless you and your beautiful preemie. She sounds amazing and strong, as do you. I was 3 months premature in 1981, and we DO amount to something. We're fighters 👏❤️

Kmac16 · 04/02/2025 12:22

Having to tell my kids (aged 10 & 14) that their dad had died. We were separated but on good terms, he died by suicide. No-one could believe it as he showed no signs. Devastating for everyone, my son still struggles with him not being here.

David15 · 04/02/2025 12:30

oneweecraw · 02/02/2025 21:21

Having to TFMR my little girl who was incompatible with life. Tried to fall pregnant for two years before I got pregnant with her. Genuinely nearly killed me.
Now 30 weeks pregnant with my little boy and finding joy in life again 🤍🤍

I've been through similar. I wish you strength and love. X

Ilostseptember · 04/02/2025 14:48

Terrible post natal depression in which I nearly killed myself and then thought about killing myself and my child. Then finally plucking up the courage for number 2, 3 years to conceive and then found out my baby was ectopic. I have had so much counselling and meds but truthfully I lost part of myself that day.

theruffles · 04/02/2025 15:13

Reading some of these, my troubles don't seem so big but the hardest thing I've gone through so far is my DH having a mental breakdown shortly after we got married. I hadn't been expecting it and didn't know what to do. This was before we had DC and it's been easier at times but mostly quite hard. Poor mental health comes in waves and I've been left to pick up the pieces and keep things afloat. At one point I was working two jobs almost every day just to pay the bills and it was like DH didn't even notice it.

Sugarplumfairy18 · 04/02/2025 17:58

Don’t usually comment on here (more of a lurker) but some of these are so sad and I’m so sorry for you all.

For me it was being sexually abused as a child by my ‘father’. The trauma has meant I’ve struggled all my life with relationships and I hate myself for allowing him to ruin my life.

hookiewookie29 · 04/02/2025 18:05

My daughter being bullied at secondary school which lead to self harming. Sitting on her bed, whilst she's holding a blade out of a pencil sharpener, begging her not to cut herself and having her tell me that she didn't want to be here anymore. I felt so helpless,I didn't know what to do.

youlied · 04/02/2025 18:25

My divorce.
Very nearly broke me to be honest. Looking back I don't know how I got through it. I lost my home due to his parents owning it.
Proud of the fact I gathered up some strength to sort my dogs and everything in the house that I had paid for and got packed up and moved whilst he was at work.
The awful days going through the most awful shitty behaviour from him.
I trusted him totally and never thought he would ever cheat on me. He became a person I didn't recognise. The trauma of it all still lives me now.

Holding my Mum's hand as she died of sepsis after a sudden hospital admission.

Kissing my Dad's cheek when I went to see him in the morgue.

The pain of infertility although I'm glad I never had kids with my ex.

EarlofShrewsbury · 04/02/2025 18:27

Hollowvoice · 02/02/2025 21:08

Oh my goodness. I read the first post and started mentally composing my reply but mine pales into insignificance against what I've just read. I'm so sorry for all your hard times

Same.

The biggest thing for me is so insignificant compared to these. I fell very blessed all of a sudden.

Briannaco · 04/02/2025 18:33

Life.

I've been wishing it was all over since i was 20. I had terrible parents and I had nothing but abuse in my life

I wish euthanasia was more freely available .

I was just talking to a man who had a mother who was a heroin addict. He said the same thing. That he would like to do euthanasia but it's hard to get approved for it.

In a humane society , euthanasia would be more available.

Tryonemoretime · 04/02/2025 18:39

Briannaco · 04/02/2025 18:33

Life.

I've been wishing it was all over since i was 20. I had terrible parents and I had nothing but abuse in my life

I wish euthanasia was more freely available .

I was just talking to a man who had a mother who was a heroin addict. He said the same thing. That he would like to do euthanasia but it's hard to get approved for it.

In a humane society , euthanasia would be more available.

Edited

In a humane society, you wouldn't have been treated so terribly. I'm so very, very sorry that your parents abused you so badly. I hope that you are surrounded by good and loving friends now.

PifandHercule · 04/02/2025 18:53

Rainbowgrey · 02/02/2025 20:55

Finding my little boy dead in his cot, he was 12 months old.

💔

dramaaaalamaaaa · 04/02/2025 19:22

The premie NICU experience (I know it could be so much worse, my heart goes out to others on this thread with worse), but it was horrific to suddenly have all the tubes, things being so rollercoaster with ups and huge downs, not knowing if you would arrive in the morning to more tubes and failing body issues, or just stability. Going home without our baby for weeks. Then with the second baby had IGUR and placental insufficiency, stopped growing almost completely at 28 weeks, and we were told there was a 100% probability of a second NICU baby. I was utterly crushed, and that third trimester was the hardest thing i've ever done. Pretending to stay positive while feeling like I was drowning on the inside was just soul crushing. Both children are toddlers/school age and great now, but those were tough times.

familylifeishard · 04/02/2025 19:33

Falling pregnant after 11 years with our miracle baby then my mum died 7 weeks after she was born. I had PND too. I still don’t feel I grieved properly as I had to keep going for my daughter

tillyxxx · 04/02/2025 20:27

My lovely mum getting leukaemia when I was 18, I was so scared I was going to lose her, she was in hospital for months on end. It was awful watching her suffer. She had a bone marrow transplant and has been in remission since.

Going through IVF to conceive our miracle baby. Our daughter arrived 3 months early by emergency c-section and died 3 days later, I don't think I will ever be able to get over it. My amazing mum has been with me every step of the way to support me through such unimaginable trauma.

Loobz · 04/02/2025 20:37

Losing my 11month old grandson to silent pneumonia and currently watching my husband die from lung cancer

Ashwapanda · 04/02/2025 21:12

NoraLuka · 02/02/2025 21:37

At one time I would’ve said sitting with DM in intensive care before she died but now I think supporting DD2 with her depression/anxiety is actually more difficult because nobody has the answer and I’m worried sick all the time. It’s one of those things that changes you, even when (“when” because I can’t bear the thought that I should be saying “if”) she gets better I won’t go back to being the same as before.

💐 to everyone who has been through difficult times.

@NoraLuka this is almost exactly the same as what I would have written, except it's my DD1. Sending hugs and strength.

This thread is so heartbreaking. Sending love and healing to all 💐

RudbekiasAreSun · 04/02/2025 21:18

Youngishh · 02/02/2025 21:04

My goodness, my problems seem so irrelevant now

Seems like I have been given so much mercy and goodness by God....also

Blue278 · 04/02/2025 21:20

Good grief, you never know what people are going through. Some of these are heartbreaking.

Briannaco · 04/02/2025 21:53

Sexual abuse as a child.
Rape as an adult.
One parent abandoning me.
My other parent killing themselves

Briannaco · 04/02/2025 22:04

Oh and I also lived in a homeless shelter for three months when I was younger

stressedandblessed · 04/02/2025 22:29

Briannaco · 04/02/2025 18:33

Life.

I've been wishing it was all over since i was 20. I had terrible parents and I had nothing but abuse in my life

I wish euthanasia was more freely available .

I was just talking to a man who had a mother who was a heroin addict. He said the same thing. That he would like to do euthanasia but it's hard to get approved for it.

In a humane society , euthanasia would be more available.

Edited

I was abused also and had addict parents - they are still alive but I am nc
I have been where you are - I can’t say anything to you really other than sending you a big hug as I know how it feels 💔 it was my sister that died in my case (overdose)