To ask the hardest thing you have ever been through

[Youngishh]

Currently going through a divorce and it’s got me thinking about things that people go through in life. Although I am struggling with it, the hardest things I have ever been through was an abortion. I have still never got over it tbh.

Traumatic childhood with an alcoholic father, ran away from home at 14, got into drugs, got pregnant and was made to have a late abortion by my mother and older sister, had to go through the labour, and never forget seeing a perfectly formed tiny baby being whisked away in a small metal dish.
Got through the next few years drinking and taking drugs, took an overdose but was found passed out on the street and recovered in hospital, no counselling, was raped and kept in a flat for 2 days by a mad man, tried to get him arrested but was told by the police to drop the case because i had been drinking, so i did.
My life then changed in that i met the love of my life, my soulmate , he was also taking drugs,because he;d escaped from a war torn country,never saw his family again, but we both turned our lives around, got married and had a beautiful daughter, we both worked really hard, nearly died from an etopic pregnancy but was saved by a top surgeon called Mr Pinker who delivered Princess Beatrice and Eugenie, he just happened to be visiting the casualty department when i passed out in the toilet there, woke up in a private room, he save my fallopian tube, and i had my gorgeous son, so i think i've been really lucky.
30 great years together.
Sadly lost my soulmate from a massive stroke 3 years ago, had to watch him die for 9 days on a ventilator, he wasn't able to speak but he mouthed I love you back to me when i said I love you, so hard

being diagnosed with leukaemia in my mid 20s then relapsing. I then went through a bone marrow transplant which made me infertile.

And my mum dying. I will never get over that.

Currently going through what I will say is 1 of the hardest times of my life. My daughter is on end of life care for a genetic condition and she's only 13 years old and my dad is terminal with kidney cancer so 2 of the most special people in my life are most likely not going to be here by the end of the year and I actually broke properly for the 1st time today since it all happened and had a massive breakdown about it all.

Feel like you’ve glimpsed my future. Sending love cause what the fuck else can I do x

My brother murdered my beloved grandparents when I was 7. He came for our mother too but we were away for the weekend. If we’d have been home I’d have probably been on the list of dead too. It still affects my mind and body decades later.

Losing my baby boy to an infection 3 hours after he was born. Had a miscarriage at 8 weeks, but I was lucky to bring home my other baby boy, 18 months after. I also suffered with terrible health anxiety with my dc's. Every cough, cold, temperature, I thought they would died. I had counselling as it wasn't healthy. I still feel on tenterhooks when my dc's are poorly but I manage it very well.
My youngest dc's has cystic kidney disease but he has regular check-up with a children's hospital in London and I know he is in great hands. I always remind myself if anything changes he is in the best place. Sorry OP, for what you are going through.

Feel like you’ve glimpsed my future. I’m sending love x x x

Well I truly thought I’d had some crap to deal with…and then I came here.

We lost our business and every single penny we had last year and almost our house. I thought it was the absolute worst, but honestly what the fuck was I moaning about? I’m actually ashamed reading these posts.

I have absolutely no right to be sorry for myself. Thank you for making me see that.

How have some of you survived? Just how???

So much love to those of you who have lost children. I cannot imagine going there. 💔💔

Sending love & kindness to everyone.

My mum dying of cancer on Boxing Day 22. My son was only a few months old.

My ectopic pregnancy being diagnosed Boxing Day 20.

Finding my uncle who had hung himself Boxing Day 09 after his brother died the week before. Spent all night thinking my mum was going to die of a broken heart.

My husband suffering with his mental health and going missing. I had our 2 children in the car trying to find him in the middle of the night, just desperately trying to find him. Thankfully his friend found him on a local bridge.

I'm not looking for sympathy but I have survived a LOT , childhood abuse which for me has been blocked by my brain as a coping mechanism I guess and it's worked well that aside adulthood hasn't fared any better either and what I'm about to reveal could potentially be outing due to the nature of my trauma of the last 10 years I am a 4 x suicide survivor I survive my uncle my sister my own daughter and recently my sister in law . It started in 2015 and just didn't stop at all , 2015 I was blindsided by my sister completing suicide then on Christmas eve of 2017 my 17 year old daughter ended up in critical care, she had a hypoxic brain injury we had one last Xmas together and on boxing day she was pronounced brain stem cell death she stayed on life support until the early hours of the 27th because she donated her organs and gave the Christmas gift of life becoming our hero but my world utterly shattered I'm completely ruined by this , 2 weeks later at her funeral was the last time I saw my dad alive because 2 weeks after that exactly a month after my daughter died my dad died of pneumonia. 19 months later my 18 year old nephew went missing from hospital and 2 days later his body was found in the hospital grounds , 4 months later my nan died and 13 months after my nephew died his 24 year old brother passed in his sleep at this point the whole family were in shock and I will be honest it has torn the family apart none of us coped very well still aren't to this day . There have been other losses too not direct losses but still felt . In 2023 I had my biggest breakdown to date and started therapy to help cope but a month in I ended up in ICU with a life threatening illness that almost cost me my life and I believed at the time that in trying to deal with my grief I had almost killed myself , looking back it sounds daft but I'm too scared now to try again but I do believe my grief almost killed me . But I'm alive I'm here I take the small joys I can where I can and I do whatever I can to survive another day , I have other children and grandchildren who keep me here and focused on living this new life so even though I have been through what I have I am still blessed in many other ways 🦋 if you know me and my daughter irl please dont out me 🙏

Being an adult after childhood and young adult trauma. It is the hardest thing I’ve ever coped with. I’ve raised children, broken the cycle and now it haunts me and I no longer want to be alive. I was a successful nurse for 15 years - was able to care for my children and patients.
can’t hold a relationship down, can’t work and my adult daughter now looks out for me.
I have had counselling, therapies and seen a psychologist.
I am now one of the people on disability benefits that everyone moans about. But I have nothing left to give anyone as I have no desire to be here.

Losing our little baby boy at 13 days old. It has completely changed me.

I am so, so sorry for everyone who has posted on this thread. Truly terrible things have happened to you all.
For me, learning that my mum, who had been told for months that she only had bad constipation, had terminal ovarian cancer, numbed me. Supporting my devastated father and helping to care for her was awful..... I knew what was coming, but had to be strong for them both.
Having to try to do mouth to mouth resuscitation on my dead mother in law until the ambulance arrived, left me with what I now know was PTSD. I'd be doing something normal and everything would disappear and I'd see her open mouth as I leant onto her. Lasted months after she'd died.

My heart breaks for you, I am so so sorry ❤️losing a child changes us, you never recover but learn to live with the hole inside.

Ovarian cancer is terrible. I so wish that there was something that could diagnose it early enough to treat it.

I've had hard times in my life -

Both of my children being diagnosed with lifelong illnesses 6 months apart.

Dealing with an alcoholic mother who left me alone at 17 to move to another country. It took me a long time financially to recover from having to live alone at 17 in college, it changed the course of my whole life.

dealing with the father of my children cheating when we had a newborn and leaving us for the OW and hideous abusive behaviour towards me from them both, I struggled even more so because I was post partum.

My grandad dying really affected me, he was like a father to me.

The hardest thing I have gone through though is my son going to live with his dad, I then found out I was pregnant and lost the baby (I think through stress) it was a truely awful time, I hated myself and it's taken me a good 18 months to start pulling myself out of that slump. In that time mine and my partners siblings have also had babies and i became an aunty for the first time which I really struggled with at first as I felt I had lost that chance for myself.

In the grand scheme of things reading some of these posts I know I am lucky.

@Staggeredatthisadmission I went through this in 2007 and we rented- it's truly awful - I didn't sleep more than an hour or two a night for weeks - but as you say you read these and it outs it totally into perspective-

Holding my 10 day old son while they switched off his life support machine and then burying him a week later. I still wish it was me and not him.

Reading these responses and the OP brought a tear to my eye. I don't think we ever give ourselves credit for how resilient and strong we are when we need to be. Life is hard. Being human is extraordinarily painful at times. I think you're all amazing and I'm sending each and every one of you a massive hug 🫂

My eldest DC having anorexia then a drug addiction.
My youngest DC having what turned out to be autistic burn out and school refusing, withdrawn depressed self harming.
As the saying goes you are only as happy as your least happiest child but I thank god all my children are alive.

I’m so sorry to hear this…. I have a similar experience with my daughter, she is 21 now. It started five years ago. She has been diagnosed with BPD . It’s been absolutely awful for all of us. She was on CALMS list and never seen. We managed to pay a private practice, it almost bankrupt us. They were not much help. She got on the NHS because of sucide attempts.
Long and short is she’s much better at the moment. That’s all you can hope for.
Look for a book my Valarie Porr. Look to the states for help. They are way ahead of us.
good luck.

Oh my god. I am so so sorry. Mam to mam, my heart breaks for you bless you

How long did it take you to recover @Crikeyalmighty? I think I have PTSD as a result.

However, I am still so lucky compared to most on here.

My mum died when I was ten
I’m 53 and still struggle but in 1982 there was no help. My dad was and still in selfish and abusive at 84 who married an equally abusive woman who has always cast me out but not my brother. I’ve never been allowed to mix with her family for instance and she tells a lot of lies about me.

my son was a code red crash c section, he was technically dead for 31 minutes.
He was eventually resuscitated and had brain cooling but suffered brain damage. It was hospital negligence and we went through a seven year legal case in the high court. We won though but his dad couldn’t cope and walked out and never looked back and I then got involved with a very a upside narcissistic arse which ended with beatings and his arrest, court case harassment and issues!!

last year I was misdiagnosed with a necrotising lung condition I was left two days in hospital thinking I was dying from this and in hell till the respiratory specialist saw me and said no it’s not that but it is an auto immune issue that I’m still fighting resulting in chronic pneumonia if I come off steroids all whilst trying to care for a now nearly -5 year old with brain damage.

My Life

Losing my identical twin aged 4. Watching her cancer kill her slowly.

Watching what that did to my mum in particular, through a child's eyes.

Being bullied through school coz I was treated differently by all the adults, and because I was "different".

8 hours of labour with a spastic uterous that was missed.

Raising a disabled child...and always fighting for support.

Watching my dad slowly be robbed of his joy by cancer and age.

But...I have two great kids, a good job that I enjoy, a wonderful partner and some great friends. No matter how tough it seems, as Alanis Morrisette said...the only way out is through. To all those struggling...keep at it, it may not feel like it, but it will get better.