To ask the hardest thing you have ever been through

[Youngishh]

Currently going through a divorce and it’s got me thinking about things that people go through in life. Although I am struggling with it, the hardest things I have ever been through was an abortion. I have still never got over it tbh.

Being raped by exh & him trying to set the house on fire with me & ds in it. Watching my late dp drink himself to death & knowing it took him 6 hours to die drowning in his own blood as his lungs haemorrhaged.a

Dad killed himself when I was a teen. That wasn't the worst though although hard. The worst is what I'm going through now. Seriously unwell having fought for years with multiple severe illnesses. Months in hospital dealing with so much illness and physical torture.
Now had to give up care of child to their father ( so grateful for him ) because I'm so unwell. Child has various additional needs.
Don't leave the house or get dressed for weeks on end as the pain gets worse and I become more incapacitated. Cry endlessly all day begging for respite.

Pancreatic cancer when I was 27 - two babies, one aged 1 and one 3 months. Horrendous.

I did it though 🙌

Years of fighting council for support with disabled ds.
And the general isolation I felt being his parent all those years.

Sticking to the DNR when he was horribly ill.

To the parents posting about their teenagers with mental health issues - this resonates with me so I just wanted to post something in support. I was one of those teenagers at age 15/16. Suicidal, self harming, told my parents I wanted to die. I was being bullied horrendously at school among other things. But life did get better. My mum still remembers the first day she saw me come out of a new sixth form with a smile on my face. I'm 38 now and have a decent job, my own house and 2 lovely kids. My mum and I are closer than ever. I may always be prone to depression (I still take anti depressants now) but like I said things did improve, albeit slowly.

I'm just posting this because I know it was my mum's worst time of her life. I hope this gives some of you some hope.

@Staggeredatthisadmission on a personal level we were very lucky as a similar but bigger business wanted us as part of their team immediately and offered us a very good deal - however the unravelling took several years and had a few repercussions as H refused for us personally to go bankrupt etc, and hence crashed our credit rating for quite a few years meaning by the time it was all sorted and we were doing well we couldn't get a mortgage over a reasonable period anywhere he wanted to live as we were 'too old' - hence why we rent - very lovely homes admittedly in a nice area.

In our case we actually had a decent business when it happened but a distributor went down owing us an awful lot- and we didn't have the money to take action as it was overseas.

It is unbelievably stressful and very upsetting too - but I learnt a lot about how not to do things and you do get past it - to be honest as we had something good to move onto it was actually a relief at the point I had to admit defeat.

@Staggeredatthisadmission and yep one day you will realise you haven't thought about it that day - and the recovery starts

The loss of a loved one is so painful and can take years to recover from but I don't think I would ever get over the loss of a child. I'm so sorry 💞

I've been through a lot, but the worst thing was my mum dying quite suddenly. I had a bit of a breakdown, and it took me years to get back to some level of normality.

I've also been through a divorce, and my dad recently died after a 5 year battle with cancer, with me as his sole carer. That's been extremely difficult. But I've felt more of a sense of relief because he suffered for such a long time.

Watching my dad die over a period of hours, after finding out the day before that he had cancer. He went to a&e on Wednesday and was dead 3 days later.

My mum flying into a fit of rage and trying to strangle me when i was younger. The person i was back then just submitted without a fight, as she made me feel the most worthless piece of crap ever. That was just one of her many crimes against me, including regularly threatening to amputate my limbs with a meat cleaver.
She's never apologised, or acknowleged any wrong doing.
Deeply traumatised me - causing all manner of neuroses as i entered into adulthood. Also caused me lifelong sleep issues.

I think training to be an actor has been so wonderfully cathartic in enabling me to exorcise the demons.

Being treated badly as a child and abandoned by parents left scars that I think have always held me back.

As an adult though I've had a pretty easy ride of it - I didn't have kids so I think I avoided potential hard times there.

Sexually abused at 6/7 years old, raped at 18 years old, daughter born Stillborn, I'm severely depressed, just been diagnosed with an incurable liver disease, dad died in lockdown, I held his hand and watched him take his last breath. I could list more, but it would be terribly outing if anyone who knew me read it. There are days I don't want to go on, but I have a gorgeous teenager, and that's my reason to carry on. Every time I go through a Trauma I think there must be something wrong with me, that it keeps happening. X

Fleeing the ex 25 years ago and the aftermath of domestic abuse

❤️

Being made homeless through ex husband, getting a divorce, having to re-train for a new career at uni to get off benefits, whilst working and parenting full time. It was hard having to burn the candle at both ends just to make ends meet. I hardly ate, but made sure the children did, I was as thin as a rake. But you have to do what you have to do to improve your circumstances.

Then having parents that constantly criticized me for my circumstances, they wouldn't come to visit me because i was living in rented accommodation. I had a sister that was happy when I had nothing, as soon as I started to get back on my feet again, she was very critical too. I walked away and now don't have to worry about their comments any more.

I've been SA and I've got divorced, my brother has had cancer, and I've had a spell of depression, but I think the hardest thing was having a difficult birth.

Pre-eclampsia, and I was rushed into theatre for a C-section, and I was shaking so badly because it was very scary, but then I had to have a GA because of a drug the labour ward gave me (I can't say what it was), and I was put ti sleep and then I was told they couldn't rouse me after. DD was 2lbs 3 oz. I eventually came round and my wound really fucking hurt. But they later wheeled me to the incubator and I disassociated, because of the way she arrived.

Then the breastfeeding nurse kept harassing me for milk and despite my very best efforts I didn't have any, only a few drops, so I had to persuade her and the ward leader to put her on formula, and they made me feel like a failure for asking. I cried a lot.

Whilst I was doing all the practical things a mum should be doing I didn't feel much love towards her. It came much later when doctors effectively told me she wouldn't amount to much because she was 8 weeks early. At an assessment one doctor made negative noise because of what we both did for a living. There was supposed to be a follow up appointment but I refused to go because I wasn't going to go out if my way to be judged on my class or working life. My HV said I was making poor choices and said it might be in part because I'm a first time mum who had unrealistic expectations of the health service and of my daughter. I said pre-eclampsia happens to women of all social classes and to bog off.

Anyway, at about a year old she started at nursery and flourished. She had no noted SEN, just slightly delayed. By the time she started school she was doing very well, and in fact her teacher asked me if she had a tutor (at 5?). I said no. Academically she flew, and got 8 GCSEs. She coming to the end of her A' levels now and is predicted As and Bs. Socially she's got loads of friends and goes out every Friday with them. She speaks up for herself and her friends despite being shy. I'm very proud of her and feel like I was justified in my decision making. I still don't see myself as "mum" but a parent, like that makes a difference somehow. The way she came will always affect both of us but it's acknowledged, and I'm at peace with it.

Too many bereavements very close. Mum (53) husband (37) in short space of time to agressive, fast cancers, then best friend (car crash) and another close friend heart attack. 20 years ago, a very dark time. Dad passed 10 years before mum (43).

I had to make the decision to amputate my son's leg when he was just 1 years old. I was a 21 year old, single mother and it's single handedly the hardest thing I've ever gone through - it was a very lonely time. But he's 4 now, wears a prosthetic leg and does amazing. Just me left with the trauma 🫣

To the ladies here that have lost children, I'm so incredibly sorry. I don't think anything in the world could be worse than that, you deserve all the peace and happiness in the world 🥺

We had a year of horror in 2022. A bad accident, our dd got badly attacked, an awful family court case with dh's ex wife, I got made redundant and half our new house burned down. All of that in the space of 9 months. It was pretty horrendous and tbh it's taken this long to start getting over it.

Earlier in my life my first husband had an affair with my best friend. That was also pretty horrendous and knocked me for six.

But what I've come to realise is that life is like a wheel of fortune. Sometimes you are at the top, sometimes at the bottom, but it always turns, however slowly. And you are more resilient than you think you are.

This thread is making me count my blessings this morning. Hugs to all of you

Miscarriage and now infertility diagnosis

My husband having 2 strokes over 3 months which left him disabled and brain damaged and having to grieve, adapt to looking after him and learning to cope with everything on my own. People don’t understand that it’s like a death, as I lost him, but had to carry on with a very different version. He’s mentally & physically about 20% of the person he was. It’s still hard 3 years later but we’ve adapted. (Adapt or die!) Little or no help from his daughters either. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

So many things
my alcoholic/addict mum hating me from an early age and tearing the whole family apart and still trying to do so some 40 years on
my sister dying in her care from an overdose 💔
having a missed miscarriage at 22 weeks and giving birth
my own mental health - and how low I’ve been and very dark thoughts
watching my son struggle this past year with his own MH
all this has changed me especially my sister -
but I am still here, I smile and I am grateful every day that I am still here
the old saying life goes on is true - it may not go on the same but it does go on x