Exes new baby isn't our problem?

[purplejeansandbiscoff]

My husbands ex partner has recently had a new baby around two months ago with her (now ex) partner. Her and my husband share two children late primary age.

Since her and her ex partner split she has been asking me and DH for a lot of help with things ranging from asking us to stop and pick up nappies / formula / bits of groceries like bread for her house on our way to pick up or drop off DSC to asking us to have DSC a lot more because she's tired.

I work part time around our joint child and she has asked me multiple times in the last few weeks to take DSC to school because she's had no sleep or collect them from their hobby on her nights and drop them back off with her, things like that.

I've said to DH it's getting too much now, we have DSC 50% of the time as it is, I'm trying to parent my own toddler, he's working full time and honestly I just don't see what problem it is of ours that she's tired / had no sleep / doesn't want to go and get her own nappies. I've tried to be patient because I know it's tough with a newborn but she's just text DH again and asked if I can swing by for DSC in the morning and drop them at school on my way to take DD to nursery because baby has a cold and she's not been getting any sleep.

Aibu to say no and stop doing these things now. She should be asking the child's father for help not us imo. For context, her and DH historically don't even get along that well, it goes through patches of muddling along okay but she has always been demanding and there have been some really horrible times between them in the past.

Was help requested though ?

@funinthesun19 point taken but your point is kind of besides the point really. She sounds like she needs a lot of support . What’s the solution ? To say “I’m not going to help anyone out who is looking for help if they didn’t offer to help me in the past”

Just ‘I’m not going to help’ covers it.

Needing support does not require OP to offer it.

no It doesn’t if you actually read my original post I didn’t say that

‘I’m not going to help’ absolutely does cover it. She doesn’t need any explanation beyond that.

@InterIgnis sorry I’m not following. You obviously did not read my original post.

@InterIgnis the op can phrase it whatever way she wants if she doesn’t want to help.

No, I read it.

OP and this woman do not have a good relationship, and there’s little, if any, history of reciprocity. It’s all expected to be very one sided, which can be spun as ‘helping someone in greater need’, but is actually OP being taken advantage of by a pisstaker that considers it her due, that doesn’t even respect her.

That a single mother has a greater need of support does not mean she is entitled to it from OP, or that OP is unreasonable to not offer it. The solution for OP is to say ‘no’. The solution for the ex? That’s for her to figure out.

Absolutely not your job to run around after her, you have 50% custody and a toddler thats already alot. Remind your husband he's not her errand boy you can order nappies from uber eats. Although this is why I could never have step children, I love children that wouldn't be the issue but I wouldn't want someone else ordering around my husband that's my job 🤣 so maybe I'm being harsh because I've not been in that situation and wouldn't choose to be.

that’s fine but it’s in both of their interests and the children’s interests to be on good terms with each other. I did say the ex seems quite demanding and to only help when it suits. Being rude will only cause more problems. I appreciate your point that she doesn’t owe her anything though. I just wouldn’t be point blank rude about it but that’s just me. You can be nice without letting someone walk all over you.

You think that's full attack mode? It's just disagreeing with you.

It sounds like she wouldn't even want her children full time considering 50% of the time seems to be too much for her. There's no way she'd risk that.

Rolling over and buying nappies for a baby that has nothing to do with OP in the hopes she won't be vindictive and brainwash the kids is madness.

Perhaps the op could ask her dh to ask his exwife to take the kids to and from school from school from the op’s house because the op is tired from looking after her toddler? See what the exwife says. The op’s dh could also ask his exwife to collect some nappies and food for the kids and bring that round as well. See what the exwife says to that!

This is the kind of thread that is so utterly bonkers, you can't even be bothered to get annoyed at it and just have to laugh at all the batshit repsonses 😅

If OP pushes back and a sleep deprived parent smashes her car into a post, OP will 100% get the blame.

And if OP smashes her car because she has to rush when picking up the SC? It's a no-win situation.

OP can only be responsible for herself. The only solution is for her to take a step back.

No she would not "get the blame " how ridiculous, the new baby is not OPs problem at all and neither is the ex, there are thousands single parents out there with multiple children alot with no support at all & manage, they have the SD 50% of the time that's alot, OP didn't get her pregnant so it's not her responsibility at all ..she already has a step child,a toddler and a job herself she doesn't need to be wiping someone else's arse on top of it all ..

Where are all of these car smashes from sleep deprived parents?

The reality is, parents just get on with it. Even the single ones.

People are literally insane , you are right it's not your job , the end 😂x

No, she wouldn’t. FOH 😂

It’s not in OP’s interests to be on good terms when being on good terms means catering to the ex. ‘Do what I say or I’ll make life unpleasant for you and my children’ (as if doing what she wants isn’t making, and wouldn’t make, life unpleasant for OP!) is not, by any definition, good terms.

Saying ‘no, I won’t be helping’ is not rude.

@InterIgnis Did the ex say that ? Sorry I missed that part. If she said this then absolutely would have nothing to do with her.

Jaysus. Lot f broken relationships in this thread! Can't imagine the complexity!!! Can't believe the ex has a child with another man who is also now off the scene (child being a newborn!)

You are on the attack. I didn’t say op you must do this. I didn’t even say it’s the right thing to do. I said that’s what I would do. So tell me why that warrants the barrage of crap you’ve given me since?. Helping someone ONCE would not be rolling over it’s just a nice thing to do. Some people are ungrateful, grabby cf and the kids mum probably is one of those but I won’t apologise for having the help if you can approach to life and still don’t know why you’re continuing to bother me. Agree to disagree and get on with your day

I'm ''bothering'' you because you responded to my comments (which is optional) so I responded back.

Disagreeing with you isn't attacking you. AIBU would be boring if everyone just agreed to disagree, especially since like I said, engaging with comments is optional.