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Original poster

Found out at 12 week scan we lost our baby

103 replies

Verytiredmumofone · 02/02/2025 15:24

I'm looking for some support and advice from any other mums (or dads) that have been through something similar.

We had our 12 week scan Friday and were utterly shocked and devastated to find out that our baby had stopped growing at just 6-7 weeks. My body continued to grow the placenta and still thought it was pregnant, hence the strong pregnancy symptoms (nausea, no bleeding, sore boobs little bump etc.) Now I have to go back to hospital Tuesday for surgery to remove it all under general anesthetic. It's the second miscarriage we have had after having our daughter 2 years ago.

How on earth do you get over something like this and when will I stop feeling so upset and hopeless?
I always assumed that if something was wrong, I would have bled.

Has anyone experienced this?

Xx

OP posts:
Suzuki76 · 02/02/2025 15:26

It's really common unfortunately OP, known as a "missed miscarriage". I have a couple of friends who had one but for both of them the next pregnancy worked out. Look after yourself x

febmayjune87 · 02/02/2025 15:28

I'm so sorry. It's really hard especially when you still feel pregnant

Only time will help, but it's important to let yourself grieve.

ThelastRolo20 · 02/02/2025 15:30

@Verytiredmumofone I'm so sorry - I had this in October 2023, went to a 12 week scan to discover baby stopped growing around 9/10 weeks. I'd had no bleeding or anything to suggest anything was wrong. It was a horrible shock. I had a natural miscarriage and then unfortunately had another missed miscarriage in January by 2024 which was resolved with surgery.

I got pregnant again in April last year and currently have my 4 week old sleeping on me. I'm still recovering emotionally from last year, but there is often light at the end of the tunnel x

EdithStourton · 02/02/2025 15:31

It's rough to lose a pregnancy. You will get over it - falling pregnant again did it for me, though I was a bit anxious right the way through until I knew the baby was likely to survive if born then.

It's okay to mourn the hopes and dreams you had for your baby. Give yourself some time to let your body and mind recover.

Vonniee7 · 02/02/2025 15:33

I had this twice at my 20 week scans and had to deliver. It's an awful time, I'm so sorry for your loss x

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 02/02/2025 15:35

This is absolutely heartbreaking. I had several missed miscarriages. They are surprisingly common. It seems especially cruel that you still feel pregnant when you are not. In my experience only time will ease the pain you are feeling. The first one I had was such a shock that I was really quite unwell for a few weeks after. But time did heal. My thoughts are with you.

Sparklybanana · 02/02/2025 15:36

It is the worst feeling in the world. But you do move on. I've had 3 or 4 including one like yours. I ended up needing and d and c because of excessive bleeding so please be aware that might be necessary. I had 2 in a row, my first two pregnancies and thought I was having another but my daughter held on. I've carried successfully 2 more times and they take away alot of the pain. I felt like I'd never recover from the grief but I have. Talking about it helps as it shows you just how common it is. It doesn't relief the grief but it does help to understand that it's nothing you've done. I liked to think that if alcoholic drug users can carry a pregnancy then doing whatever minor issue I used to blame myself wouldn't make a difference and it was a random genetic quirk that meant it was never going to happen. I could GET pregnant though which is a major bonus.
Also now I can look back and think that if I didn't have those losses then I wouldn't have my current children - they were meant to be.

Big hug though as nothing feels so gut wrenching. Give your body a month or so to recover and try again.

PollyPeeves · 02/02/2025 15:38

I'm so sorry you are going through this OP. A missed miscarriage is just an awful thing to go through.
I had a missed miscarriage around 10 years ago and it still makes me feel so sad when I think about it.
I did, however, conceive my son after the first cycle I had following the MMC.
Sending you lots of love, you will get through this

Bbomb · 02/02/2025 15:40

So sorry for your loss

RatedDoingMagic · 02/02/2025 15:41

So sorry for your loss op. Flowers

Yes I've been there. A lot of women have. I don't think I've ever made a noise of such horrible grief as the cries I made that day. I can only assume that the pain of losing a living child is worse but that's no comfort. Pain is pain.

As with any grief, it never goes away but you learn to live with it. Life continues and the world keeps turning and joy can still be found.

Be kind to yourself. There's no correct method or timescale to get through this.

Edenmum2 · 02/02/2025 15:41

So sorry OP, I've had 3 m/c's and have one DD and really the only thing is time. For me I really tried not to dwell too much, i came from the point of view that this baby was just not meant to be. Our bodies are amazing but don't get it right every time. Missed miscarriages are so brutal, I'm so sorry. Feel the pain for as long as you need but it will get better.

The op is super short and pain free and in my experience much more preferable to taking tablets, so you're doing the right thing.

Oodlesandoodlesofnoodles · 02/02/2025 15:45

I’m so sorry for your loss.

NormaleKartoffeln · 02/02/2025 15:47

Not been through it, but just wanted to say I'm sorry for your loss. Be kind to yourself and take time to heal (not that you'll ever completely forget, of course).
💐

Unfinishedcrocheteverywhere · 02/02/2025 15:49

Sorry for your loss OP, this happened to me. It’s a shock and extremely painful emotionally to deal with, allowing yourself to be sad is important.

PleaseStopEatingMyStuff · 02/02/2025 15:51

I'm so sorry OP.
Suffering a loss is just devastating. With kindness, perhaps your body just didn't want to let go quite yet.
I wish you well.

TheSidewinderSleepsTonite · 02/02/2025 15:53

I had one in 2017, my first pregnancy. I'm sorry, op. It's absolutely devastating especially as you don't have any clues at all that something is wrong.
Let yourself grieve and take all the time you need.

Cornflakes123 · 02/02/2025 15:54

I had one of these the baby stopped growing at 10 weeks. I am so so sorry op. Thinking of you, remember you are not alone. I think it is more common than people realise.

AreYouBrandNew · 02/02/2025 15:56

Sorry for you loss

I also had a missed miscarriage - take your time. Know you are not alone

CarterBeatsTheDevil · 02/02/2025 15:57

I had two like that, but a healthy baby now aged 7 in the middle. It's very very hard and I think it's a physical as well as a mental grief. I'm so sorry, OP, it is a terrible shock when it happens Flowers

Likewhatever · 02/02/2025 15:58

Very sorry to hear this OP. I had this many years ago, started bleeding at 13 weeks, no prior scans but the hospital ultrasound confirmed the foetus had not been viable beyond 9 weeks. I also had to have a D and C under general anaesthetic. The timing coincided with a very stressful incident with my neighbour, and I found it hard not to blame her. Perhaps unreasonable but I was heartbroken.

I will tell you that I grieved for the lost pregnancy but by the time the expected delivery date came round I was pregnant again. If I hadn’t lost that baby I wouldn’t now have my DS, or indeed his younger brother.

I hope all works out for you.

Literallynoonecares · 02/02/2025 15:58

I am so sorry for your loss, this happened to me too. No indication anything was wrong at all. Was having the sore boobs and the nausea but when we went for our 12 week scan they found the baby had stopped growing at about 9-10 weeks and there was no heartbeat. It was bloody devastating. I was sent home to decide if I wanted to miscarry naturally or have a D&C but unfortunately a couple of days later, I bled excessively and had excessive cramping and ended up in hospital. I received a scan and even though I had bled excessively there was still remnants of the pregnancy remaining so I had to have a D&C under general anesthetic as well. The whole experience was pretty grim so I really feel for you.

It was an emotional time and my DP (now DH) and I felt so sad for a good while. Please be kind to yourself and allow yourself to grieve for the little life that has gone and for the future you allowed yourself to look forward to. Its a big shock. But you will feel better and more hopeful but it will take a little time.

Sending hugs xx

Tillow4ever · 02/02/2025 15:59

I'm so sorry OP. My situation wasn't quite the same, but similar. I was 5 days away from my scan, exactly 12 weeks pregnant that day. I started experiencing bleeding at work. I managed to get a scan at a different hospital 2 days later. They talked to me about twins but also that no heartbeat was detected, but everything was only measuring around 6 weeks which may be too early to detect. I was 100% positive on my dates, so I knew that it was over but tbd hospital wanted me to come back a week later. Unfortunately, on the day I should have been having my booked scan, I found myself in A&E having a full on miscarriage. I still remember the pain like it was yesterday. It was actually 18 years (and about 3 weeks) ago now.

My heart goes out to you, it's a horrible thing to happen. Just so cruel. I hope you get better care than I did because the hospital I ended up at was awful.

Greeneyegirl · 02/02/2025 15:59

I know so many people this has happened to and it's heartbreaking. I'm so sorry OP

Maboscelar · 02/02/2025 15:59

I'm so sorry. I had this with one of my pregnancies. I had already lost some babies so it felt especially cruel that I thought I'd made it to the scan ok although I did have suspicions things weren't right. I chose to pass my baby naturally and they didn't come out for another week which was really hard though I didn't regret it.

Sending you hugs, it's a difficult time.

youngoldthing · 02/02/2025 16:04

Sorry OP.

yeah it’s really common (not that it makes it any easier)

I had a missed miscarriage at 10 weeks (foetus was about 7 weeks when it stopped growing)

I did take comfort in the fact that it’s so very common but I can understand if you don’t.

I opted for medical management which was a mistake and to cut long story short I ended up getting a d&c about 10 days after the medical management. If you can get a d&c I would advise it from personal experience.

be gentle with yourself x