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Original poster

Found out at 12 week scan we lost our baby

103 replies

Verytiredmumofone · 02/02/2025 15:24

I'm looking for some support and advice from any other mums (or dads) that have been through something similar.

We had our 12 week scan Friday and were utterly shocked and devastated to find out that our baby had stopped growing at just 6-7 weeks. My body continued to grow the placenta and still thought it was pregnant, hence the strong pregnancy symptoms (nausea, no bleeding, sore boobs little bump etc.) Now I have to go back to hospital Tuesday for surgery to remove it all under general anesthetic. It's the second miscarriage we have had after having our daughter 2 years ago.

How on earth do you get over something like this and when will I stop feeling so upset and hopeless?
I always assumed that if something was wrong, I would have bled.

Has anyone experienced this?

Xx

OP posts:
crossstitchingnana · 02/02/2025 18:07

I'm sorry for your loss. I found out at 12 weeks that the baby wasn't as big as expected so they moved the dates. Then I started bleeding a couple of weeks later. Had a scan, baby had died. Never forget the shock, and the midwife saying to her colleague, "she just needed to see it to know it was dead". Er, no as no-one had told me it was.

I had a d and c. I have two adult dds, one miscarriage before them and this one I am telling you about was after.

It will get easier, look after yourself.

Annoyeddd · 02/02/2025 18:34

I feel like that when I am with my younger DC's that I wouldn't otherwise have had.
I did find it lessened the loss as I felt that the lost DC perhaps had not been developing properly and I had been saved the decisions for anything found on a later scan - nature's ante natal screening. May not work for all but it helped with me.
I still get the occasional what if when at work. It has happened a few times that women have come back after being off sick and they have opened up and told me in confidence about a miscarriage and we can chat.

UrsulaBelle · 02/02/2025 18:41

I’m so sorry, OP. It is common, but that doesn’t help, I’m sure, but maybe knowing you’re not alone will be a small comfort.

I had a missed miscarriage at 10 weeks. I’d had a bit of spotting, went for a scan and the baby had died at around 6 weeks. I had a D&C which wasn’t too bad. I got pregnant very soon afterwards, only had one period, with my now 22 yo DS.

MalleusMaleficarumm · 02/02/2025 18:50

This happened to me too OP, I’m really sorry for your loss. It’s a huge shock and I found it so hard to understand why I had no signs of something being wrong. Everything went so smoothly with my first pregnancy, it was devastating. Now feeding DD2 to sleep who is 14 weeks, it takes time but I promise it gets easier.

Wishing you all the best on Tuesday x

Tiredtoddlermum · 02/02/2025 19:40

Thank you so much everyone, am completely and utterly overwhelmed by all of the support. I can't believe so many of you had such similar experiences. It does help to know I am not alone, it can feel very very lonely going through it.

I forgot to mention that the nurse told me there was a chance it could be a Molar pregnancy, which is why I need the surgical management, so that it can be sent away and tested.
Has anyone ever had a molar pregnancy?
It felt like such an excruciatingly long time from the last MC to now this MMC, I just feel like it's going to be the same awful long wait until I feel safe in another pregnancy. If I even get pregnant again!

Likewhatever · 02/02/2025 19:59

name change fail, OP, you might want to fix that.

SunnySideUp54 · 02/02/2025 20:02

hi, I’m so sorry you have gone through this. I have myself and it’s devastating, we even had a 6 week scan and everything was fine only to be told at 12 weeks it wasn’t. This was our second pregnancy after a completely routine healthy first baby so it never even entered my mind something would go wrong. It is honestly the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through, it happened just prior to lock down and my mental health took an absolutely dive during. I found speaking about it and using charities like Tommys really helped, so please reach out to them or someone similar. Be gentle with yourself, take your time and don’t rush any feelings let them all come naturally. I now have a healthy, head strong, wilful nearly four year old as well as my older child and whilst I would never ever replace her, there isn’t a day I don’t think about the baby that I could have had - and that’s ok, don’t bottle anything up, I did at first and it really hindered my healing, I refused to even talk about it for the first few weeks but it got easier. Sending lots of love your way x

Squidtentacles · 02/02/2025 20:26

I haven't experienced this but nearly did, just 2 weeks ago - this also would have been my second child. I miscarried just 3 days before my 12 week scan. I had already been for a private scan at 8 weeks, which showed a heartbeat, but baby was only meausuring 6 weeks, so I had prepared myself that it may not end well. This experience has made me realise that I'll definitely opt for another early scan next time.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. It is heartbreaking.

Haveyouanyjam · 02/02/2025 20:32

So sorry for your loss. Two of my close friends miscarried just before 12 weeks and found out at the scan, one had this twice in a row. However, they both went on to have healthy children and have two each. It was so tough but I know they are soaking up even the tough moments with their little ones knowing what it took to get there. Nearly everyone who miscarries goes on to have a healthy baby and as painful as it is, it is worth it when you have your babe in arms.

TMGM · 02/02/2025 20:46

So sorry this has happened to you, it's an awful painful feeling and so very tempting to spiral into a dark place if you let it. The best advice I think I can give is to share the grief with your partner, dont let it drove a wedge between you, let it bring you closer in that you can be there for each other in this difficult time- talk about how it makes you feel, don't keep it to yourself (I did and fully regret not processing properly sooner allowing my husband to support me, pushed him away instead and it took us a while to recover).

I lost mine at around 10 weeks, stopped growing at about 8. I personally didn't fully "heal" or at least feel myself again until my baby from the next thankfully successful pregnancy was born and in my arms, but I think everyone is different and you will recover at your own pace. Whether you decide to try again on the future or not I wish you the best & you're not alone, every woman here who has had a pregnancy loss will understand your pain right now, it's a horrible thing to experience.

Original poster
Verytiredmumofone · 02/02/2025 20:58

Tiredtoddlermum · 02/02/2025 19:40

Thank you so much everyone, am completely and utterly overwhelmed by all of the support. I can't believe so many of you had such similar experiences. It does help to know I am not alone, it can feel very very lonely going through it.

I forgot to mention that the nurse told me there was a chance it could be a Molar pregnancy, which is why I need the surgical management, so that it can be sent away and tested.
Has anyone ever had a molar pregnancy?
It felt like such an excruciatingly long time from the last MC to now this MMC, I just feel like it's going to be the same awful long wait until I feel safe in another pregnancy. If I even get pregnant again!

This was me who wrote this. I have no idea why the name changed.

OP posts:
justthatreallyagain · 02/02/2025 21:00

I am very sorry for your loss. When you have processed things maybe look into whether there has been an immune issue. When I had ivf there were many women who were having miscarriages after a first successful pregnancy - if their partners dna was not very different to theirs, their bodies had developed antibodies in the first pregnancy which attacked new embryos as they perceived them as foreign bodies. These ladies were having their immune systems dampened to successfully stay pregnant.

Anon501178 · 02/02/2025 21:03

So sorry for your loss...missed miscarriages are horrid and I've had a couple aswell (one at 9wks and one at 12wks) sending love and hope the hospital and your friends/relatives are being supportive.xx

Abbaaa · 02/02/2025 21:09

So sorry for your loss.

I've had a partial molar, although it was 10 years ago so I'm not sure how much things have changed.

I would google it if I were you, and then DON'T PANIC!

The vast majority of Partial Molar and Molar pregnancies just require you to be monitored for a while. I was monitored by Charring Cross hospital, it was a bit stressful at times, but I went on to have another normal pregnancy after.

And, you don't know yet if this even applies to you, so do try not to stress.

missymousey · 02/02/2025 21:37

Ah, I'm so sorry for your loss Flowers. I've been there too, thinking all was blissful at 12 weeks then that shock. Take your time, you'll get through this. Fingers crossed for better times to come.

MrsF111 · 02/02/2025 21:39

So sorry OP, I had a few and they are just awful. It will be very hard for a while, and also from my experience people just don’t know what to say and somehow say all the wrong things, they will tell you how common it is which just doesn’t matter when it is happening to you and you feel like your heart is shattering, or they will say it was meant to be which is just cruel or any number of other things. Put yourself first and be kind to yourself as much as possible. It’s most likely you will go onto have a successful pregnancy next time but even if you don’t you will get through it and one day hold your baby in your arms. I had 4 losses over 3 years of absolute hell. My baby is now sleeping in our room, I remember reading people say thing while I was in the worst of it and I just didn’t believe it would ever be me but it does happen.

SureLook · 02/02/2025 21:49

Very recently had the same thing happen to me. Went in for my NIPT scan Tuesday 21st. I was 9+5 but baby was measuring only 7 weeks and no heartbeat. We were floored, I couldn't believe it. Had to wait a week for another scan to confirm no growth/development. Am also booked in for surgery on Tuesday. However, I seem to have passed the baby naturally myself over the last few days. I'm still booked in in case I still need the surgery. They're going to scan me again to check beforehand.

I was on autopilot during the baby passing but yesterday and today were awful. I feel so empty and flat, feel like I'm never gonna be happy again. I have found MN to be a great support during it all x

Mamabear300 · 02/02/2025 22:01

Verytiredmumofone · 02/02/2025 15:24

I'm looking for some support and advice from any other mums (or dads) that have been through something similar.

We had our 12 week scan Friday and were utterly shocked and devastated to find out that our baby had stopped growing at just 6-7 weeks. My body continued to grow the placenta and still thought it was pregnant, hence the strong pregnancy symptoms (nausea, no bleeding, sore boobs little bump etc.) Now I have to go back to hospital Tuesday for surgery to remove it all under general anesthetic. It's the second miscarriage we have had after having our daughter 2 years ago.

How on earth do you get over something like this and when will I stop feeling so upset and hopeless?
I always assumed that if something was wrong, I would have bled.

Has anyone experienced this?

Xx

Hi OP. I'm so sorry your going through this as others have stated its called a 'missed miscarriage' I had the same thing happen to me in 2022 and I was a mess. I opted for the medical management at home as it suited my circumstances better at that point. I got pregnant again the end of 2022 and found out Just before christmas that it had unfortunately happened again. Tbh I kinda lost my head abit after the second one as I had all my symptoms still ongoing especially the vomiting /feeling sick side of things and everytime I was sick I just sat crying at how unfair this was that it had happened twice in a row. It was hard trying to talk to my DH as was more a 'closed book' and wouldn't talk about what happened. If im quite honest I did my best to keep going each day for my girls and although it never leaves you, in time you learn to 'live with it' it also didn't help that my BIL was due his first child 2 days after mine would of been due I wont lie when my niece was born I did sit and sob again at what I'd lost myself and sobbed some more feeling selfish for feeling this way . when the goverment brought the baby loss certificates out I also ordered one for each of my lost pregnancies these arrived in January 2024 aprox 2 days after id registered my now 13 month old sons birth . Again OP im sorry for your loss, try take each day at a time if that's too much for you mentally right now then try each hour at a time, make sure you get some rest and as hard as it is try to make sure you eat. Goodluck OP sending lots of hugs your way x

shellyleppard · 02/02/2025 22:02

So sorry for your loss x 🫂🙏❤️

Mamabear300 · 02/02/2025 22:05

MrsF111 · 02/02/2025 21:39

So sorry OP, I had a few and they are just awful. It will be very hard for a while, and also from my experience people just don’t know what to say and somehow say all the wrong things, they will tell you how common it is which just doesn’t matter when it is happening to you and you feel like your heart is shattering, or they will say it was meant to be which is just cruel or any number of other things. Put yourself first and be kind to yourself as much as possible. It’s most likely you will go onto have a successful pregnancy next time but even if you don’t you will get through it and one day hold your baby in your arms. I had 4 losses over 3 years of absolute hell. My baby is now sleeping in our room, I remember reading people say thing while I was in the worst of it and I just didn’t believe it would ever be me but it does happen.

I second the people not knowing what to say and pretty much had every one of those comments said to me including 'yeah but your baby would of been severely disabled or disfigured' my response mabye in some people's eyes was 'selfish' and was 'I wouldn't of cared if I had just of got 2mins with my baby at least I'd of held them in my arms' sorry for your losses x

Scaredtosayitoutloud · 02/02/2025 22:07

I'm so sorry and you have all my sympathies - I have had 2 miscarriages, one at 5 weeks and one at 10 weeks, which needed a D&C to tidy up. It was heartbreaking and I feel for you so much ❤️💔

If it helps, we were terrified when I fell pregnant for the third time. DH actually said I don't think I can go through this again! But we did and had our first lovely little boy. And then another and another!

Please take time to grieve and be together in your loss. But please also remember that's it's sadly very common and just something that happens. You can try again and will probably have a lovely little baby too. Best wishes ❤️

Scaredtosayitoutloud · 02/02/2025 22:07

I'm so sorry and you have all my sympathies - I have had 2 miscarriages, one at 5 weeks and one at 10 weeks, which needed a D&C to tidy up. It was heartbreaking and I feel for you so much ❤️💔

If it helps, we were terrified when I fell pregnant for the third time. DH actually said I don't think I can go through this again! But we did and had our first lovely little boy. And then another and another!

Please take time to grieve and be together in your loss. But please also remember that's it's sadly very common and just something that happens. You can try again and will probably have a lovely little baby too. Best wishes ❤️

Yetanothernewname101 · 02/02/2025 22:15

I'm sorry to hear about your missed miscarriage. I had one 25 years ago.
You asked how long it might take to get over it. I don't think you do. It's become easier to live with, but the 'what if...' and memories at the time of year it happened and when the baby would have been born are still as vivid as ever. I think it's possibly because that was the only time I managed to get pregnant.
Please look to get some support from a baby loss organisation, and have a gentle hug from me.

DogsandDungarees · 02/02/2025 22:15

This happened to me a few months back, i opted for the earliest D and C. I sobbed my heart out whilst they snuck a student in to learn …… wish I had the courage to ask them to leave whilst I cried my most heartbreaking sobs. After that i got signed off for two weeks and spent the time at the gym and bike riding. Getting through loss looks differently for everyone. Get signed off and please focus on yourself whether that means crying or self care.

Snowmanscarf · 02/02/2025 22:17

Sorry for your loss.