we don’t know what she looks like because no one ever sees her. She hides behind the sofa sobbing and shaking all day, traumatised that someone rang the doorbell without giving written notice six months in advance.
Claims to earn six figures in a Very Important Job with management responsibilities but needs to ask Mumsnet how to do everything from fire an employee to boil an egg.
Always has to show her “DH” the thread, because she’s incapable of forming her own opinions or making decisions, despite afore-mentioned Very Important Job, with 6-figure salary.
Has a 6ft 4 husband, a hollow-legged rugby-playing teen son who is also over 6 ft, and a beautiful, willowy artistic daughter. Her children eat 67 punnets of berries every three minutes but she still only spends £2.87 a month on groceries at Waitrose. Cooks everything from scratch. Never heard of Eastenders. Goes to France in drapey cashmere pashminas in business class when she gets time off from her Very Important Job with a 6-figure salary.
Has an Aga that she “curls up next too” with her monthly allowance of chocolate - one square of “high quality dark chocolate”. Can’t possibly bear the thought of gaining a single ounce because her husband might start watching porn.
Oh, and did I mention she has a Very Important Job with a 6-figure salary?
But can’t figure out how much wine to take on a 7-day holiday.