Do your kids give you a birthday card?

[Anon4778]

I turned 47 yesterday. My husband booked a meal at a local pub last night so it wasn’t forgotten or anything.

I am feeling really hurt and emotional that neither he or either of my kids gave me a birthday card or anything yesterday morning. Am I being ridiculous?

Older daughter 17 baked a cake the day before but then didn’t even wish me happy birthday in the morning - she did say it when I collected her from work mid afternoon but the cake just sort of sat there with a dishcloth over it and was never actually given. Younger daughter 10 went to the shop and got me a notepad and some chocolate off her own bat after school which was really thoughtful
of her.

I organise birthday cards / gifts for everyone else, I want them all to know they’re loved and special on their birthdays. I organise Christmas and put a lot of effort and thought into that too. I’m just feeling really hurt that none of them bothered.

To make matters worse I’ve said I feel hurt by all this, and now my husband and older daughter are basically angry with me for being upset.

Mums decorate the place, get their favourite foods, favourite cake, presents, card etc etc. You do it to see them happy but that doesn’t mean someone shouldn’t do it back!!! Yanbu op, they’re angry because they feel guilty (I hope!!), although your ds baking for you was for lt of cool!

No.

but I don’t celebrate my birthday and tell them not to. At least they respect my wish.

but if i did and they didn’t bother, id be upset . A card costs nothing

Mine always make me cards but I trained them to do that from when they were toddlers, don't think it would occur to them otherwise

Your husband booked a meal, your eldest made you a cake and wished you happy birthday in the afternoon and your youngest bought you a present but you're upset because they didn't wish you happy birthday through a card as you expected. I'm surprised you're getting sympathy as I think you come off quite poorly here.

Yes, my children write a card for me, which up until my last birthday was chosen by them and bought by their dad( my DH) this birthday the teenager took the primary aged child into town by themselves and bought cards and flowers.

You aren’t being unreasonable to expect a card and to be upset when you didn’t get one.

Maybe I am being ridiculous. I used to enjoy getting or making something for my own mum as a kid.

This.

I understand and get you OP. I also put a huge amount of effort in other people's birthdays and sometimes feel as if i don't get much back... some of this is down to over-sensitivity on my part.

Yes - DP buys a card with "Mum" on it and DC write it out themselves a day or two before my birthday. DP also buys a gift from DC to me, usually something with their photo on it or something that says "Mum" or a bunch of flowers. DC enjoy handing over their card and gift. I do the same back for DP.

I think it's very sweet your youngest got you something on her own. Your older child is nearly an adult and should have organised something for you herself. I was buying gifts for my parents and grandparents with my pocket money from age 12 without being prompted.

Your DH and oldest DC should be ashamed of themselves not angry at you.

My teen daughter makes a HUGE effort on my birthday (and Christmas). This year she decorated the house with balloons, banners and flowers, baked a cake, used her own money to get me several really really thoughtful gifts (including an engraved Pandora necklace) and wrote me a really nice card. She's lovely 🥰 but I don't think anyone should accept being an afterthought on their own birthday! People who love you should definitely make an effort on your birthday.

Happy belated birthday OP 🎂 🎈

I take my son to the shop to buy me a card - otherwise I wouldn’t get one .

My two sons are hit and miss with cards but always buy gifts. My two daughters buy lovely cards and gifts. If you are bothered, which you are entitled to be, don’t leave it to chance and say so. I just had a significant birthday but made it clear I don’t want a party or any kind of surprise, we settled on one gift that they all contributed to and went to the Chinese and they all came with partners it was like Xmas again and I was so happy 😀

This sounds so lovely! It’s not the card, specifically, it’s the lack of effort from them that’s hurting I think.

My older daughter did make a cake (she loves baking and always makes a cake) but then she was belligerent and hostile in the morning and never gave it to me. She did say happy birthday when I collected her from work, as a sort of aside comment.

This happens a every year and I’ve told my husband before - I’m not bothered about being bought stuff but even a homemade card would be so nice to get.

No cards but I do get a happy birthday with a hug and a few gifts and Dd bakes me a cake.
If my dcs forgot, I'd say"hey! Have you forgotten what today is? Where's my birthday hug??" So now they know they need to give me a hug and wish me a happy birthday and the rest ripples from there.

So the OP routinely displays and models care and thoughtfulness but is supposed to suck it up when no one shows her the same consideration?

I would also suggest, from experience, that if the youngest child bought stuff after school, she realised her mum was upset at the family thoughtlessness. My son did this 2 years ago.

Our plan is that the other parent oversees card and gift buying for the birthday parent. (DH forgot cake last time) you are a real person too and you should be shown love on your birthday, as the children are. It doesn't have to be expensive, it just has to be caring.

So the OP routinely displays and models care and thoughtfulness but is supposed to suck it up when no one shows her the same consideration?

No, they did show her consideration. It's not as if her birthday was ignored, they all did something for her.

Surely the first thing everyone in your house says to you that day should be "happy birthday!" and then at some point that day I'd expect someone to put the cake in front of me and then all sing happy birthday. Pretty thoughtless of your husband not to suggest those two very basic things

Deleted, posted by accident

You got a meal out, a cake made for you and your child went themselves to get you a gift. I think you are being a bit unreasonable - they all did something for you.

Yes they all do

Your eldest daughter made a cake. Your youngest daughter bought you some chocolate from the shop. Both made or bought you something. What specifically is it about a card that shows thought that these two actions don’t?

I personally don’t see the point of cards. I would rather have a thoughtful gift or something made for me and would be delighted with both of those. My child does give me a card for my birthday but DH buys it and it’s their chance to get me something they have picked without them buying me a purple dinosaur, which is what they said they wanted to get me for my last birthday (because they would have liked a purple dinosaur rather something I’d have liked but they are only young).

Belated happy birthday. Just let them know what means the most to you fir your birthday. Taken a while for DH to realise I would rather a card from each kid and a cake with a candle and not making dinner much more than presents. This year was even better as both kids made me a card and we spent the day togeather.

Yes either buy or make, because I'm a saddo who loves to keep them all. I'd sooner a card than any other gift , cake or anything.
They all know that.

This is me, too.