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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you were meeting someone in a cafe and your baby was asleep…

190 replies

parttimeworks · 01/02/2025 16:06

And the relative wanted a cuddle, would you get a sleeping baby out of the pram and risk waking them up for this- they’re in a bit of a phase of fighting daytime naps and rarely have a non contact nap, but the family member hasn’t seen baby in a few weeks and is sad about it

We have different opinions so I’d just be interested to know what the consensus is!

OP posts:
FOJN · 01/02/2025 16:20

Wake a sleeping baby so that an adult isn't sad about not getting a cuddle? Err no.

What is wrong with adults these days?

BooToYouHalloween · 01/02/2025 16:20

I’d say “only if I can wake you up at 3am when baby is awake and screaming”

Spurber · 01/02/2025 16:24

parttimeworks · 01/02/2025 16:10

How would you deal with the relative if they looked disappointed or if they asked outright ‘can I hold?’

Show quote history

Say no sorry she's having a snooze.

Spurber · 01/02/2025 16:24

You're the parent of the sleeping baby right?

Original poster
parttimeworks · 01/02/2025 16:26

Spurber · 01/02/2025 16:24

You're the parent of the sleeping baby right?

Correct. I also think better not to wake baby, but posting as I hoped it wasn’t a minority view

OP posts:
Wishboneswishes · 01/02/2025 16:27

Definitely not.
Rude and selfish to ask. I’d just say no I’m not risking waking them up.
If they are disappointed then that’s not your fault!

Biffbaff · 01/02/2025 16:27

No way. I would say the person can have a cuddle when the baby wakes up.

Cheesetoastiees · 01/02/2025 16:27

No

YouveGotAFastCar · 01/02/2025 16:27

parttimeworks · 01/02/2025 16:10

How would you deal with the relative if they looked disappointed or if they asked outright ‘can I hold?’

Show quote history

”when she wakes up, sure!”

I’d not wake mine for a cuddle, ever. And mine didn’t sleep badly!

IdaGlossop · 01/02/2025 16:28

What's the matter with your relative to be expecting a baby to be woken up for them to have a cuddle? You shouldn't even be having to have this conversation.

Love51 · 01/02/2025 16:28

If the relative was a child I'd gently explain how babies work. If the relative was an adult I'd do the same while making a mental note that the person doesn't see the baby as a human being and they are not on my shortlist of trusted people.
I wouldn't feel responsible for them having daft expectations, which seems to be what OP is insinuating. But I wouldn't judge a child for not realising that the baby's best interests come before their whims, because in that circumstance it requires some higher level thinking skills a child might not have had the opportunity to gain yet.

pilates · 01/02/2025 16:29

No

jhar · 01/02/2025 16:30

Absolutely not.
My sister used to say "if you wake him you take him"

MumChp · 01/02/2025 16:32

parttimeworks · 01/02/2025 16:10

How would you deal with the relative if they looked disappointed or if they asked outright ‘can I hold?’

Show quote history

Just say no.

"If baby wakes up you can have a cuddle. Now. Let's order coffee!".

BreadInCaptivity · 01/02/2025 16:32

No I wouldn't.

A baby needs their sleep and their needs take precedence over the wants of the relative.

I'd simply say sorry, no baby is sleeping no more explanation should really be required.

I may add, I'm sorry you're disappointed not to have a cuddle today but if we wake baby up now they will be unsettled for the next 24 hours and I don't want that for baby or myself.

I'd never ask to disturb a sleeping baby in a pram for a cuddle. I find a bit bizarre anyone would.

TheVeryAudacity · 01/02/2025 16:33

Absolutely not in a million years. The relative will just have to deal with the disappointment like a grown up.

romdowa · 01/02/2025 16:34

jhar · 01/02/2025 16:30

Absolutely not.
My sister used to say "if you wake him you take him"

This was my saying too . I had a child who hated sleep and was a demon without it. If you woke him then he was yours !

luckylavender · 01/02/2025 16:35

No

category12 · 01/02/2025 16:38

"When she wakes up".

Embarrassinglyuseless · 01/02/2025 16:39

Now is a good time to flex your not-people-pleasing muscles - there’s going to be a long road ahead where you’ll need to get used to putting your children’s needs + welfare above the unanalysed feelings of friends and relations!

pinkroses79 · 01/02/2025 16:39

No I wouldn't wake them or pick them up. None of my relatives would have expected me to. Even my closest relatives didn't see my son's eyes open for at least three weeks because he was always asleep in the day time.

Londonrach1 · 01/02/2025 16:40

No....let sleeping babies sleep unless it's 4pm and they had 2 hours and you need them to sleep through the night and they sleeping longer than normal.....age dependant here...new born you never wake...baby coming up to being a toddler at 1 yes you do at 4pm if unusual and baby not unwell

Devilsmommy · 01/02/2025 16:41

Hell no! Never ever ever wake a sleeping baby. Especially for something as useless as a cuddle. It's really crappy to expect someone to do this

midnightblackcat · 01/02/2025 16:41

Embarrassinglyuseless · 01/02/2025 16:39

Now is a good time to flex your not-people-pleasing muscles - there’s going to be a long road ahead where you’ll need to get used to putting your children’s needs + welfare above the unanalysed feelings of friends and relations!

100% this!

Caterina99 · 01/02/2025 16:42

Definitely not! They can have a cuddle when baby wakes up, or possibly if you have to wake and feed baby before you leave because of timings and transport etc.

I’d absolutely wake my sleeping baby who was due a feed if I had a long journey home or other plans afterwards. Otherwise it’s the baby law that they wake up as soon as you leave the cafe and scream the entire time while you're trying to drive/get the bus home!