Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How are people managing to pay the bills in this shit show

623 replies

Allthenameshavegone1972 · 01/02/2025 14:44

My daughter, fiance & dgs moved into their small, rented house nearly 3 years ago. Finding it a big struggle every month with the rent being £860. We, & her in-laws are guarantors for their rent.
I've found out her fiance has asked to borrow money for rent from his mum & for the second time my daughter has asked to borrow as he has not had the overtime. They obviously can't afford it. Both trying to get pay rises but it's hard in this day & age.
At the grand old age of 60 I was hoping to take a break from my office job, which I hate, for a few months and then go temping or work part time. We can afford for me to do that. If, on the other hand, I'm working full time then we can afford to be guarantors for their rent. Cant win either way!
She wishes theyd never rented now. They were living with her inlaws who have the space for them. She wishes she'd saved that rental money for a deposit instead. Their only option is to go back living with them, or all us parents carry-on working til we drop to pay for their rent. At 60 years old we should not have the pressure of working til we drop to pay for our adult dc's rent. We're not going to be in the best of health to work forever as we get older.
My dd is despairing, saying that she can't see life getting any better. I agree, unless us parents die relatively young without needing a care home and they inherit from us.
This shit show of a housing & col crisis is at breaking point, something had to be done, but I don't know what! 😡😡

OP posts:
LivingDeadGirlUK · 01/02/2025 15:49

I think they need a proper review of their finances because they should not be struggling with that rent on two incomes, there must be some hefty other financial commitments?

berksandbeyond · 01/02/2025 15:49

AliceSpringsEverywhere · 01/02/2025 15:47

@Meadowfinch How do you know they have £3200 between them?

Because we have a minimum wage in this country and she said both of them work?

Ineedaholidayyyy · 01/02/2025 15:49

AliceSpringsEverywhere · 01/02/2025 15:45

@Meadowfinch @Ineedaholidayyyy

Your posts have quoted figures but there are none in the OP's posts- are you looking at another thread?

It's a bit odd that you've given figures when there are none by the OP.

Edited

No , I just gave an example of how costs can add up, based purely on assumptions of what a typical young couple might pay on a monthly basis. Obviously I don't know the couple and I may be well out, but people are saying they should easily be able to afford things , and I was disagreeing as there are lots of little things that add up, meaning there isn't much disposable cash after all outgoings.

Deebee90 · 01/02/2025 15:49

Do they smoke, vape, drugs? They aren’t telling you something . If they both work and there’s no childcare costs then they are laughing at you. No way would I be asking my parents to substitute me when I work.

NoSoupForU · 01/02/2025 15:49

I don't know. They're spending their money on something. And rent should be absolutely number 1 priority, so shouldn't be borrowing money to pay it.

I afford to pay my bills because I studied and worked really hard to improve my earning potential. I chose to sacrifice having plenty of free time to do so whilst working full time for a not great wage.

AliceSpringsEverywhere · 01/02/2025 15:50

You need to sit down with them and go through their finances.

I'd say the first thing to go is to get at least one car off the lease and buy a cheap runaround for £1K.

I'd not be surprised if their car loans are more than their rent.

maudelovesharold · 01/02/2025 15:51

They're guarantors. They've literally involved their mummies and daddies legally because they can't stand on their own two feet. OP can't just ignore it

Presumably they had to get guarantors because the letting agents/landlord said it was a requirement for some reason? It wouldn’t have been at the request of the tenants. Both sets of parents are probably guaranteeing their own child’s half of the rent. Just because you have to have a guarantor, it doesn’t mean that you can’t pay your own way.

AliceSpringsEverywhere · 01/02/2025 15:51

Ineedaholidayyyy · 01/02/2025 15:49

No , I just gave an example of how costs can add up, based purely on assumptions of what a typical young couple might pay on a monthly basis. Obviously I don't know the couple and I may be well out, but people are saying they should easily be able to afford things , and I was disagreeing as there are lots of little things that add up, meaning there isn't much disposable cash after all outgoings.

Show quote history

Well, it wasn't helpful as a lot of posters will think you have the figures and build their posts around that.

I did- until I read ALL by the OP 3 times to make sure I'd not missed them :)

Lightuptheroom · 01/02/2025 15:52

Our rent and council tax comes to around £1000 a month, I earn around £1600 month and DH is retired, he pays the 'other' bills. There is no way on 2 full time wages that they are struggling, or if they are they need to look at their other outgoings.
For the pp thinking that two people working full time don't need a guarantor, it's up to the landlord if they ask for a guarantor, particularly if one wage fluctuates a lot due to overtime or is listed as a 0 hours contract. It's quite common when renting to be told that your income has to be x times the rent amount to not need a guarantor.

maudelovesharold · 01/02/2025 15:52

AliceSpringsEverywhere · 01/02/2025 15:51

Well, it wasn't helpful as a lot of posters will think you have the figures and build their posts around that.

I did- until I read ALL by the OP 3 times to make sure I'd not missed them :)

Show quote history

Can’t you tell by looking at the username?

spacepies · 01/02/2025 15:53

All my bills are up to date.

Meadowfinch · 01/02/2025 15:53

@AliceSpringsEverywhere If they are both working full time on minimum wage, that would roughly be their income. They will also get £1,200 a year in child benefit.

Neither needs to collect their child from school because MIL does it, Why would they claim poverty while only working part time? There is no shortage of work at the moment.

I'm a single mum of one hollow legged teen, my income and housing costs are comparable, but I also pay £10k a year in school fees without us starving.

Their numbers simply don't add up.

FebruaryCrow · 01/02/2025 15:53

Regarding the 'why wouldn't they get a council house' / 'why shouldn't they go on the council house waiting list' question.

They would be classed where I live as very low priority and thus not accepted on to the waiting list at all, as they are already adequately housed.

Right now only people in severe, high and medium need are even allowed to be on the list. And 'medium' is what used to be thought of as pretty high, i.e. three generations under one roof, including grandparent with dementia and one single parent adult with medical issues - and they'd have to be prepared to accept a property in at least one 'unpopular' area.

(Have recently helped such a family, friends of friends.)

dutysuite · 01/02/2025 15:54

my mortgage has gone up to nearly £1,500 on a tracker mortgage. I’ve had to make cutbacks and not live beyond my means.

BruhWhy · 01/02/2025 15:54

maudelovesharold · 01/02/2025 15:51

They're guarantors. They've literally involved their mummies and daddies legally because they can't stand on their own two feet. OP can't just ignore it

Presumably they had to get guarantors because the letting agents/landlord said it was a requirement for some reason? It wouldn’t have been at the request of the tenants. Both sets of parents are probably guaranteeing their own child’s half of the rent. Just because you have to have a guarantor, it doesn’t mean that you can’t pay your own way.

Our landlord requires a guarantor for any income under 65k. We were gobsmacked.

TammyJones · 01/02/2025 15:54

Ameliepoulainandthephotobooth · 01/02/2025 15:21

Where is their money going? They aren’t paying that much in rent.

They are either spending more than they are earning or not earning enough, this is up to them to fix. They need better paid jobs and/or spend less rather than relying on both sets of parents. More fool you for continuing to bail them out. Once is kind, twice is unfortunate but any more is foolish.

One of my relatives did this for their oldest child and family - TWICE
And when they got in debt for the third time - they left them to it.
Marriage ended in divorce- both married ti other people now , and have many grandchildren.
Enjoy your semi retirement.
They need to stand on their own 2 feet.

pinkroses79 · 01/02/2025 15:55

That rent is quite low compared to the average these days. My mortgage is half that rent, but I am on my own with a child and I have to pay all the other bills on my own. I have a low paid job but I manage.
I don't think you should carry on working full time just to pay their rent for them. At the age of 60, you should be able to do the things that you want to do. Help them out from time to time, buy the kids things or whatever, but don't let them be reliant on you for the rent and basic bills.
They probably will not be able to get a mortgage if they can't afford this rent, based on affordability. Even if they do manage to save a deposit.

CandidHedgehog · 01/02/2025 15:56

Something has gone very wrong here. If they both work, have relatively cheap rent for a decent sized house (£1250 for a 2 bed flat where I live) and no childcare fees, what on earth are they spending their money on?

Are they both working part time / actually in a MLM (so not earning) / spending it all on drugs, alcohol or gambling?

If they are expecting you to pay the rent, you have a right to ask them where the money is going!

Ooral · 01/02/2025 15:57

Leased cars and nose in a bag all weekend. OP needs to stop enabling them, I see this stuff regularly, Bank of Mummy........

Iceache · 01/02/2025 15:57

So I don’t think their rent is particularly expensive… Back in 2009, we were paying around £750 a month in rent (two bed flat) on starter salaries (which were less than today’s minimum wage) and we honestly had plenty of money. We only ran one car though. It sounds to me that they may have a bad case of champagne taste beer budget and are living beyond their means!

Guavafish1 · 01/02/2025 15:57

We are drowning in tax bills and shitty economy

Thank you brexit

EasternStandard · 01/02/2025 15:57

I agree COL is a nightmare atm but I'd think it's more so for higher rent and / or childcare costs included

scotstars · 01/02/2025 15:58

I know lots of people struggle with col but tbh this doesn't seem the case here. They have reasonable rent and no childcare expenses. Even on 2 minimum wage jobs they have a healthy sum to pay the bills. What it sounds like is they got used to a lifestyle when they didn't have household costs living with the in laws.
How often are they treating themselves going out, new clothes, haircuts, kids activities, subscriptions. Alot of young people have the belief they need to have it all. Did they cut back on Xmas presents or spend freely? The car leases must be expensive - again this is a choice. I'm a teacher and my car is 10 years yes I'd love a new one but I love having an extra £300 odd a month in my pocket more!
BTW their attitude to money is unlikely to change when they know both sets of parents are standing by ready to bail them out. My parents were never in a position to do this so I never spent what I couldn't afford

devastatedagain · 01/02/2025 15:58

Overratedpose · 01/02/2025 15:45

What have they done to deserve one exactly? As everyone on this thread has said it's poor budgeting that's the problem. You qualify for a council house when you truly can't manage by yourself surely not because you can't budget??

Show quote history

I personally thank that everyone deserves to have good quality affordable stable housing but it looks like you don't. I'm guessing you're quite young. When I was a child, living in a council house meant I was looked down on. Now, people are envious of people who live in one. It's a funny old world.

marshmallowmix · 01/02/2025 15:58

2 cars on finance costing £300 , nope that can go just buy an older car so many people leasing expensive cars. They don't need that for starters....I'd love a new car but you live within your means stop enabling them OP. Cars should be first to go...