Page 2 | How are people managing to pay the bills in this shit show

verycloakanddaggers · 01/02/2025 15:08

I think you need to understand their overall budget a bit more as, whilst I appreciate rent is quite high, with two people working it should be manageable.

Are their childcare costs, or travel costs, unusually high?

dragonfliesandbees · 01/02/2025 15:08

Agree with others that this rent should be affordable. I was paying £700 a month for a small flat (split with a flatmate) 12 years ago so it actually sounds like they have a very good deal! I was a student at the time. Money was tight but I managed because I worked out a budget and suck to it. This is what they need to do. They need to write down their income and outgoings, see where they can cut back. If they have other debts that are making the rent unpayable then they need to move back in with their in-laws and save as much money as they can until they are in a better position. They are lucky to have this option.

Sewverit · 01/02/2025 15:09

Why are they struggling? DD2 pays £750 a month plus bills in a shared flat. She is not well paid but gets by. What are they spending their money on?

No you shouldn’t have to support them.

berksandbeyond · 01/02/2025 15:09

Sounds like they're spending their money irresponsibly, or there's some massive drip feed about their outgoings and / or income

pelargoniums · 01/02/2025 15:10

What are their other bills: childcare, petrol, car payments (?), council tax, gas/electricity, water, internet, food, pets, insurance. Did they go to uni and are paying back student loans? There’s so many variables. I think the rent is high but I’ve always lived in cheap hovels.

ConsuelaHammock · 01/02/2025 15:10

They’re not good at managing money. Sit down with them and work out a budget. Do they have cars on finance , go on annual holidays abroad ? These are things that can wait until they are more financially stable. They would move back in with her boyfriend’s parents and save save save .
I would not be paying the rent for a working age child who is living beyond their means.

MidnightPatrol · 01/02/2025 15:10

Is it their childcare cost that’s the problem rather than the rent?

HangryLikeTheHulk · 01/02/2025 15:11

Show their budgets if you want advice, this must be possible for them to do if they really want to fix the problem.

MaggieBsBoat · 01/02/2025 15:12

Yes as PPs have said this doesn’t add up.
It’s not fair that you have to work at a job you hate at an age wherever should be getting easier and your life more your own.
They’ve clearly got holes in their pockets

FebruaryCrow · 01/02/2025 15:13

Posters saying the OP should just leave them to it - she can't. She's a guarantor.

'We, & her in-laws are guarantors for their rent.'

That makes her jointly & severally liable for paying the rent. (Unless her contract says different, which would be unusual.) It's a legal liability that it's not normally possible to unilaterally remove oneself from until the tenancy expires.

How much notice do they have to give, OP? Because that would be what I'd insist on. Formal notice given in writing, seen by you and his parents, and then they move back to his parents.

SnowdropPancake · 01/02/2025 15:13

Another one saying things are adding up in this specific example. Which is not to say COL is not biting hard for a lot of people. But this rent/income example does not appear to be the best illustration of that.

Original poster

Allthenameshavegone1972 · 01/02/2025 15:14

They don't even have childcare costs. Dgs is at school & is fetched by her mil or sil from school. I don't get it either. I know they both have car loans & a commute of 30 mins each way each.

OP posts:

Kinneddar · 01/02/2025 15:14

I think you need to sit down with them and go over their finances. 2 adults working should not be struggling to pay that level of rent. There's either something they're not telling you or they're wasting money on un necessary expenses.

It's not up to you to pay their rent. Its certainly not right that you can't afford to cut back your hours because you're subsidising them

Time for a hard talk. They're adults they need to finance their own lives not rely on the bank of Mum & Dad

CulturalNomad · 01/02/2025 15:15

At 60 years old we should not have the pressure of working til we drop to pay for our adult dc's rent.

I agree - so just stop doing it. Seriously, tell your daughter that you can not continue to help with rent money.

That's a perfectly reasonable rent for two working adults. If they are constantly running short then something else is going on here. You'd be foolish to put of retirement/semi-retirement because your adult child and her fiance can't manage their finances.

Time to cut the apron strings.

SnowdropPancake · 01/02/2025 15:15

I think they are misleading you, OP.

As pp have said, they should easily have around £2400 a month left over after paying rent - assuming both work full time, even on min wage.

They are either massively in debt (and borrowing money to service that debt) or something else is going on, such as they are lying to both sets of parents to get money.

devastatedagain · 01/02/2025 15:17

Are they on the list for a council house? Those are usually cheaper than private rentals.

1AngelicFruitCake · 01/02/2025 15:18

I agree with the above about managing money.
I have an acquaintance who struggles with money but buys her 3 year old sandwiches/meal deals daily instead of making his lunch at home. Buys herself lots of new clothes but still can't work out why she doesn't have any money.

biscuitsandbooks · 01/02/2025 15:18

Allthenameshavegone1972 · 01/02/2025 15:14

They don't even have childcare costs. Dgs is at school & is fetched by her mil or sil from school. I don't get it either. I know they both have car loans & a commute of 30 mins each way each.

I think they're having you on, OP.

They're just bad at budgeting.

SleepDeprivedButAlive · 01/02/2025 15:18

£860 is relatively low rent and even on minimum wage salaries is affordable. I'm not saying it's the lap of luxury or that they wouldn't struggle but it's doable.

There's something else going on here with their finances and expenditure.

Balloonhearts · 01/02/2025 15:20

We're not. My bills are taking it in turns to be paid. It's a shitshow.

rwalker · 01/02/2025 15:20

If there running 2 cars and a loan on both of them add in fuel ,insurance and tax they’ll be paying as much for there cars as they are for rent

verycloakanddaggers · 01/02/2025 15:20

Allthenameshavegone1972 · 01/02/2025 15:14

They don't even have childcare costs. Dgs is at school & is fetched by her mil or sil from school. I don't get it either. I know they both have car loans & a commute of 30 mins each way each.

I think you need to ask for more information, without childcare costs they should have enough money with two people working. If they have taken on high car loans then they may have an issue but that is not your responsibility.

CharSiu · 01/02/2025 15:21

Stop subsidising them, free childcare and a low rent means they are ina. Better position than many plus they lived for free for a while at the in laws. What jobs do they do?

Ameliepoulainandthephotobooth · 01/02/2025 15:21

Where is their money going? They aren’t paying that much in rent.

They are either spending more than they are earning or not earning enough, this is up to them to fix. They need better paid jobs and/or spend less rather than relying on both sets of parents. More fool you for continuing to bail them out. Once is kind, twice is unfortunate but any more is foolish.

Taigabread · 01/02/2025 15:22

Allthenameshavegone1972 · 01/02/2025 14:44

My daughter, fiance & dgs moved into their small, rented house nearly 3 years ago. Finding it a big struggle every month with the rent being £860. We, & her in-laws are guarantors for their rent.
I've found out her fiance has asked to borrow money for rent from his mum & for the second time my daughter has asked to borrow as he has not had the overtime. They obviously can't afford it. Both trying to get pay rises but it's hard in this day & age.
At the grand old age of 60 I was hoping to take a break from my office job, which I hate, for a few months and then go temping or work part time. We can afford for me to do that. If, on the other hand, I'm working full time then we can afford to be guarantors for their rent. Cant win either way!
She wishes theyd never rented now. They were living with her inlaws who have the space for them. She wishes she'd saved that rental money for a deposit instead. Their only option is to go back living with them, or all us parents carry-on working til we drop to pay for their rent. At 60 years old we should not have the pressure of working til we drop to pay for our adult dc's rent. We're not going to be in the best of health to work forever as we get older.
My dd is despairing, saying that she can't see life getting any better. I agree, unless us parents die relatively young without needing a care home and they inherit from us.
This shit show of a housing & col crisis is at breaking point, something had to be done, but I don't know what! 😡😡

I don't think you should have to pay your daughters rent, but are you aware that retiring at 60 would be a dream for most of us, who will have to work til we are at least 67/68, likely older the way things are going!!
Edited, apologies OP just reread you aren't looking to retire but go part time which isnt unreasonable.
Could you afford to help out your daughter with deposit support? Or buy with them, go on the mortgage to help?