How are people managing to pay the bills in this shit show

[Allthenameshavegone1972]

My daughter, fiance & dgs moved into their small, rented house nearly 3 years ago. Finding it a big struggle every month with the rent being £860. We, & her in-laws are guarantors for their rent.
I've found out her fiance has asked to borrow money for rent from his mum & for the second time my daughter has asked to borrow as he has not had the overtime. They obviously can't afford it. Both trying to get pay rises but it's hard in this day & age.
At the grand old age of 60 I was hoping to take a break from my office job, which I hate, for a few months and then go temping or work part time. We can afford for me to do that. If, on the other hand, I'm working full time then we can afford to be guarantors for their rent. Cant win either way!
She wishes theyd never rented now. They were living with her inlaws who have the space for them. She wishes she'd saved that rental money for a deposit instead. Their only option is to go back living with them, or all us parents carry-on working til we drop to pay for their rent. At 60 years old we should not have the pressure of working til we drop to pay for our adult dc's rent. We're not going to be in the best of health to work forever as we get older.
My dd is despairing, saying that she can't see life getting any better. I agree, unless us parents die relatively young without needing a care home and they inherit from us.
This shit show of a housing & col crisis is at breaking point, something had to be done, but I don't know what! 😡😡

Sounds like poor money management and wrong priorities to me. Do they have huge debts?

Rent should always be paid first. Then essential food & bills. Everything else after, the most important thing is a roof over your head. £430 each isn't extortionate.

We're a family of 4 with much less income than that and we manage to have a very nice life. I have never had to ask my parents to bail us out and we pay for childcare too.

If they can move back in with the in laws and save all the money they can for a few years then reassess later , that's my advice. Nobody needs the stress if that's an option.

I don’t understand why adults both working ft needed guarantors to start with?

Even with this calculation on minimum wage they'd have around £1000 still left to play with

Can't just blame external factors and throwaway lines eg col crisis. That rent is so cheap, not much more than student rent, last flat I rented was £1250.

Their only option is to go back living with them, or all us parents carry-on working til we drop to pay for their rent.

No, the only option is to stop being enablers for them. They are adults.

If they don't get enough money coming in, they look for jobs paying better or negotiate a pay rise or do side work that pays more than min wage rather than taking unreliable min wage overtime.

I didn't have parents able to give me handouts and I wasn't raised to ask to borrow money from anyone, and I'm in my 30s so not ancient. I moved out at 19 in the financial crisis so if I can do it anyone can.

As people have said, look at their full outgoings with them to start with. Actual bank statements, because I bet there are a lot of optional extras that add up and don't get mentioned. And then encourage them to look at better career options.

And also extra ways to make money - can they give a coworker a lift to work for petrol money when they're going anyway, can they pick up a friend's kid for a bit of extra money because they're picking up their child anyway, can they do ironing for a neighbour, anything they can put on Vinted, can they do some gardening or cleaning, can they sell their iPhones and stick their SIM card in a cheap old smartphone, etc. Round here cleaners charge up to £30 an hour and I'm not in a rich area, plus can choose hours to work around kids.

Yeah it’s the debt that’s crippling them. It must seem like everyone has two cars so why can’t they. But cars are extremely expensive.

TBH that rent is low for 2 people- around £400pm each.

I've not read all your posts so perhaps there is a reason they're on a low wage.
How much do they earn?

It sounds as if they need help budgeting or improving their qualifications so they can try to earn more.

One of my DC's mortgage which they paid on 1 salary was over £700 a month and they still managed to save each month.

If they were living with his parents before, how much were they paying them for rent/board? Not 860 plus bills, I’m sure. So they should have been saving then.

You can blame the government for a lot of things, but this isn’t one of them. Your daughter and her boyfriend are playing house and being irresponsible with money. Time for them to grow up.

I think they need to be encouraged to look for another rental where they will not need grandparents guaranteeing everything. They may also want to get married now they have a child too and get second jobs if needs be to pay their own way.

Sounds like they need to budget better and consider reducing their car loans. I've never ever bought a car on a loan and neither have my adult DCs. Saved up and bought outright, starting with a banger.

Are these figures in the posts by the OP? Am I missing them?

OP says they have no childcare costs.

It was a very broad assumption on them each having a car finance agreement .

£300 each isn't a ridiculous amount for a finance. They may not be able to afford it, but people don't always think these things through when taking them out.

Eh? Why shouldn't they?

Yeah I’m on my own with kids, mortgage same as their rent and manage on a slightly above average salary and some maintenance. They must earn more than me if both working full time so they’re obviously prioritising other spending or wasting money in some way. They won’t be rolling in it on min wage jobs but they should be able to manage between them.

Cars don't have to be expensive, I bought my car 4 years ago for £1100 and it still works perfectly fine, gets me about and I get miles for my money. This doesn't seem the 'in' thing to do and everyone I know leases massive brand new cars for ridiculous amounts a month and don't even own them at the end.

I agree with other pp they aren't being honest about their finances. I paid £700 12 years ago for rent on my own, and I wasn't well paid then. I also pay my mortgage which is £900 on my own although admittedly I earn a modest amount now.

Someone obviously has debt or bad credit or both. They shouldn’t need a guarantor if they are working full time and two wages coming in. I wouldn’t lend them anything and definitely not adjust my retirement plans to support them.

If they’re old enough to be parents they’re old enough to work out how to be sensible with money and live within their means.

What have they done to deserve one exactly? As everyone on this thread has said it's poor budgeting that's the problem. You qualify for a council house when you truly can't manage by yourself surely not because you can't budget??

@Meadowfinch @Ineedaholidayyyy

Your posts have quoted figures but there are none in the OP's posts- are you looking at another thread?

It's a bit odd that you've given figures when there are none by the OP.

This

I also wonder why they need to have two leased cars and pay for them as a priority before their rent?

Tbh my friend has a council property. Been in it for years and her rent is more than £860 per month

I was totally with you until you mentioned how much their rent is. That's quite low, and two minimum-wage jobs should be more than sufficient if they budget well - they'll likely be entitled to some UC too.

This is a budgeting issue OP. I'd sit them down and go through things with them if they're amenable. Sometimes people just need to see their finances laid bare to see where they're wasting money.

That said, I do feel for them. We rent (for a lot more than your daughter I will point out, southeast prices) and have my in-laws as guarantors, and the pressure is real. Rent is constantly increasing with no improvements made to the house, food costs are astronomical. It's a fine balancing act some months.

@Meadowfinch How do you know they have £3200 between them?

Mine cost £800 and it passed its MOT yesterday with flying colours