To call in sick after this happened

[cherryblossom83]

I have worked in the same company for almost 20 years. I love my job. Due to the nature of my job it can be difficult to get time off at certain times as any shifts swapped have to be done ourselves. I accept this and have missed out on family events over the years.
I rarely take a sick day I've had one sick day in 5 years.
I've now had a bereavement and because it is not a direct relative of mine but someone I knew extremely well the company will not authorise me the day off to attend the funeral. The problem I have is because it's a training course hence why I cannot swap with one of my colleagues despite the course taking place frequently and I have offered to attend the course on my days off they will not accommodate me due to the course being at maximum numbers. I don't have access to see who is on the course on other days.
Aibu to just call in sick at this point as they will have to find me a place on the course at a later date or would you basically just keep saying what I have already said that I need to be there.

The only problem with calling in sick is they will absolutely know its a lie and could mean a disciplinary, keep asking. Could you leave for the funeral and go back after?

You can’t call in sick. They know you’re lying and it would lead to disciplinary action.

can’t you take it as holiday - and put in writing that you will attend the training another day. seems totally unreasonable to refuse this request.

You could call in sick but you would need to take a few days off before and afterwards because just taking one day would be difficult. If you self certified for a week it would be less noticeable.

You have worked for a company and they will not allow you a day off to attend a funeral of a close friend

that is awful I would take a few days off sick

really this is a poor way to treat a long term dedicated employee

They will know you’re lying. It is mean but I can’t see how you could get away with it now.

You can call in sick and they can't call you a liar and take you to a disciplinary.

You just say you are suffering with bad mental health on that day due to a bereavement and won't be able to come in. It's not really untrue and they have no right to question it. Especially if you have had hardly any sick.

I offered to do the course this weekend, next weekend, I've days off when my kids are off school, other days off in the next few weeks and I've offered to give them up to do it and it has all been declined for various reasons

20 years employment and they won’t allow you a day off to attend a funeral? I wouldn’t want to work for them and they don’t value you.

Take as AL?

I wouldn't go off sick. I would tell your line manager that you are attending the funeral and it's non-negotiable. You will take the day as annual leave or unpaid leave, but you are going. This is a close personal friend and you need to pay your respects and say your goodbyes respectfully.

Condolences on your loss.

Can you take the day as special leave, unpaid?

I once worked with someone who was refused leave to attend a close relatives wedding, so went sick on that day.

Management were livid and a senior manager came in especially to do the return to work interview. Before my colleague came in the manager was ranting about how angry she was.

My lovely colleague played a blinder though. When she turned up she breezily told us all how lucky it was her leave had been refused for that day, as she spent the whole day and night on the loo. Her breeziness disarmed angry manager, as there was absolutely no response to that.

After that, I didn't think twice about calling in sick for important occasions, rather than ask for holiday leave. We didn't get paid for any sick leave, and colleagues were always desperate for extra shifts and would always pick up the shift, so didn't feel guilty about it.

Start looking for a new job. I'm sorry this is happening to you.

I agree with this.

I'm so sorry they are treating you like this.

I'm not generally someone to advocate playing the system, but in this instance, to avoid disciplinary action, I think I'd ask the GP to sign me off sick for a period that encompasses the funeral date.

It's sad when companies don't understand the need for give and take (and the associated goodwill and loyalty they'll gain as a result).

Tell your doctor that the death has triggered a depression and get them to write you off for a few days.

Don’t go sick they will know it’s a lie

Ask them for annual leave or an unpaid day off

You are extremely stressed after the bereavement and have been struggling to hold it together. GP will sign you off for two weeks. Work would replace you in a heartbeat, this is important

Inform your work that, as you are a long term trusted employee who hardly takes a sick day, you will be taking unpaid leave for the duration of your good friend's funeral. You assume that they will accept this with good grace.
The date is XXXX from XXX o'clock until XXX o'clock.

I would tell them I will be attending the funeral. Non negotiable. And I think I would be tempted to iterate that missing the change to say goodbye to a close friend will have a large impact on your mental health and let them consider how much more time you might miss if you aren't allowed to grieve in a normal cultural manner.

You've offered multiple alternative times to do the course. They'll figure it out. I wouldn't ring in sick, I'd simply explain you won't be in as you'll be attending the funeral.

The worst they could do is investigate you based on unauthorised absence. For one day. In twenty years service. Nothing will happen.

Agree with those saying you should be honest but immovable.

Email boss/line manager along the lines of:

Dear XXX

As you know, I have been trying to arrange leave to attend the funeral of someone extremely close to me. Non-attendance is not an option and would be deeply upsetting for me - both in the immediate and long term sense.

Despite my offer to do XXXX and XXXX, I have hit walls because of XXXX.

As a long term and trusted employee who has no intention of trying to 'call in sick' or find an unethical way to attend, I am informing you that I am going to be out of office and hope you will find a way to cover me on XXX date. I am happy to take this as annual leave or unpaid leave.

Regards
XXXX

Take a few days off with stress because of the bereavement and go. You aren't housebound when you're off ill. The barriers you are up against now is causing unnecessary anguish so it seems reasonable to me.

They sound like unreasonable employers. You have given them various options in terms of making up the time and training, but they are sticking rigidly to their policy and not seeing the wider picture - you are a longstanding employee and deserve some flexibility IMO.

If you don't mind risking the consequences, then calling in sick seems like a reasonable step in this situation. Personally, I'd be looking for another job.

get signed off by Dr's for a couple weeks xx