To call in sick after this happened

[cherryblossom83]

I have worked in the same company for almost 20 years. I love my job. Due to the nature of my job it can be difficult to get time off at certain times as any shifts swapped have to be done ourselves. I accept this and have missed out on family events over the years.
I rarely take a sick day I've had one sick day in 5 years.
I've now had a bereavement and because it is not a direct relative of mine but someone I knew extremely well the company will not authorise me the day off to attend the funeral. The problem I have is because it's a training course hence why I cannot swap with one of my colleagues despite the course taking place frequently and I have offered to attend the course on my days off they will not accommodate me due to the course being at maximum numbers. I don't have access to see who is on the course on other days.
Aibu to just call in sick at this point as they will have to find me a place on the course at a later date or would you basically just keep saying what I have already said that I need to be there.

I remember being in work and something similar happened. A guy didn't show up for his shift, called in sick, it was the day of an exam and his manager hadn't allowed him swop shifts or take holidays. The senior manager went mental because we were left short, he was of the opinion any moron could anticipate someone would pick an exam over work and clearly we were going to be short that day, the line manager should have given the day and organised backfill. It's just short sighted.

Ask for unpaid day off. If they still say no I think I would just take the day off anyway and take whatever disciplinary action they propose.

Read the OP?

Don't call in sick on the day.

Go off sick now and go to the funeral. It's really poor treatment for a dedicated employee of 20 years.

Call in sick with a Migraine. They will never be able to prove otherwise.

At this point, I’d be asking the GP to sign me off for at least a week for stress and tell your employer that it was caused by bereavement and the stress of not being able to say goodbye. How archaic to think a friend isn’t as good as family - I have friends that are closer than many family members! Your employers sound like dicks and my loyalty would severely wane after that response.

This. You have been there 20 years. Just say no.

What a terrible employer. I feel for you, OP

Really op, you should have called in sick on the day and not asked for a day off

Take 2 days off, day before and day of funeral. Rampant diarrhoea and vomiting. They’re hardly likely to want proof.

That’s really not how it works. Sick leave as name denotes is when one is sick. You don’t accrue fake sickies for time worked . Hey you have worked a good while just fire on in with a fake sickie, you’re entitled after all

She could lie, but they’ll know

Best to honest and say I need compassionate leave or special leave

I would email a senior manager you tell them you’ll be absent and tell them the reason, you ask for it be be approved leave they can consider it compassionate or special leave

Dear Manager
Unfortunately I have to attend a funeral in x date . This bereavement has caused me distress and I will be attending the funeral. I could not have anticipated this event and I would appreciate your discretion in understanding this request. I have worked for twenty plus years and am a reliable and conscientious employee.

As pp have said, get your GP to sign you off for a week citing bereavement.
I did this when my mum died and work allowed me 3 days' leave, which was not anywhere near enough for me to even organise everything. I phoned the GP surgery and explained to the receptionist and the GP signed me off and said to let them know if I needed any longer.

I wouldn’t. A colleague took a day off sick to visit her new place of work, having been told she couldn’t, even tho I’m pretty sure you have to allow it in our job. Our then current place of work phoned her new place and found out she was doing the ‘new job visit’ and wasn't off sick. It could have ended poorly, but the new place didn’t care, but old place tried to institute disciplinary procedures. Utterly pointless and just stressful for her until she left, given she was already working her notice.

Can you message other employees either email/ note in the tea room etc to see if someone on another day of the training will swap. State the reason why and that despite asking managers to help, they have refused- you never know someone else may have difficulty with the day they have got and also desperately need a swap.

I dont understand why people are saying "they'll know it's a lie". . . Who cares? They cant do anything, you can be off sick for a million reasons, including poor MH on that day and they cant do a damm thing or even question it. You can self cert and apart from a general reason dont have to go into any further details. If you aren't fit to work you arent fit.

Frankly what I'd do is take 2 weeks and get a line for the 2nd week. Maybe teach them to be a bit more understanding.

Can you ask your colleagues if any of them can swap with you? Just send a general request to them all?

Op this is so cruel and horrid and puts you in q difficult position. You could get signed off?
Call in sick for a few days but I wouldn't want to work for a company who was this inflexible

@cherryblossom83 I worked as a teacher and had only had 3 sick days in the last 5 years and my best friend died at 41 leaving 2 young DC. I asked HT for half a day off to attend the funeral as it was local on compassionate grounds. It was refused. School policy was you could only have funeral day for spouse, parents and pil, grandparents and DC. I only had one double lesson that morning. I just took the half day off leaving work set for my group. I didn't ring in sick I just left work on my desk and didn't go in until lunch time. Nothing was ever said to me. I had expected the HT to speak to me but she didn't.

Yes, do this.

It's better than faking illness they won't believe.

Might be worth having a look at your company's employee wellbeing policies and quoting some relevant wording with it, if there's anything vaguely appropriate.

They won’t know you’re lying. Dependent on way things work they may not even join the dots. I would absolutely phone in sick and attend the funeral. I wouldn’t take additional days.

I would also quit - what are they thinking! No good employer would treat a member of staff this way nevermind someone with 20 years service who loves their job and is never off sick 🙈 Be resolute about going, just inform them you will not be in and don't give it another thought.

Completely agree. OP, please just take time off when you are sick in future. Sadly, this company really doesn't give a crap about you.

GPs aren’t a vending machine to dispense 2 week sick note on request when your work won’t authorise absence
If people are routinely getting signed off for longer than they need no wonder fit notes and absence are under review

You’ve reminded me of my friend who was put on a night shift for her wedding, which meant she couldn’t book annual leave as you’re not allowed to book annual leave to get out of anti social shifts…