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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To call in sick after this happened

131 replies

cherryblossom83 · 01/02/2025 12:09

I have worked in the same company for almost 20 years. I love my job. Due to the nature of my job it can be difficult to get time off at certain times as any shifts swapped have to be done ourselves. I accept this and have missed out on family events over the years.
I rarely take a sick day I've had one sick day in 5 years.
I've now had a bereavement and because it is not a direct relative of mine but someone I knew extremely well the company will not authorise me the day off to attend the funeral. The problem I have is because it's a training course hence why I cannot swap with one of my colleagues despite the course taking place frequently and I have offered to attend the course on my days off they will not accommodate me due to the course being at maximum numbers. I don't have access to see who is on the course on other days.
Aibu to just call in sick at this point as they will have to find me a place on the course at a later date or would you basically just keep saying what I have already said that I need to be there.

OP posts:
lilytuckerpritchet · 02/02/2025 07:25

I also agree with calling in sick a day or so before and getting a sick note if necessary.

RatedDoingMagic · 02/02/2025 07:34

Don't lie - uding a sick day for a reason other than sickness would be gross misconduct and a stackable offense.

Call their bluff. Put it in writing that attending this funeral is more important to you than this job and if they can't accommodate a swap in training course days to facilitate it then you will resign (in which case it is fine for you to go to the funeral as you don't need the training), but that you will be very happy to stay and continue to be one of their best employees if they can be flexible. A job is just a job, it's not who you are. The friendships and the people we love are more important.

ClearHoldBuild · 02/02/2025 07:49

All those advocating a sick note, you do realise that GPs are stretched enough with time wasters without adding to their workload and potentially depriving someone else of an appointment that is actually needed.

Yellowdog2 · 02/02/2025 08:04

I’m very sorry for your situation. I think your employer is being entirely unreasonable. I’m not sure of the advisability or not of calling in sick for a day/few days from an employment perspective. However, please don’t involve your GP in this (unless of course you genuinely are in need of GP support) - I know you didn’t mention doing this but several posters have and it’s not a good or appropriate use of GP time.

SecretSoul · 02/02/2025 08:06

Do you need the job OP? Or can you afford to quit/get sacked?

Taking the day off anyway when you’ve been refused could be classed as gross misconduct - which is a sackable offence.

I wouldn’t blame you in the slightest, your employer sounds extremely uncaring. But you need to appreciate what the consequences might be before making a decision.

I would probably self-certify with a D&V bug for a couple of days. They might be suspicious but they can’t disprove your illness so as long as you stick to your story you’ll be fine.

But I’d absolutely be looking for another job.

I worked for a company for 17 years and was only off sick once when I had a miscarriage. Long hours, even when I was pregnant with twins I was sometimes in the office until 10pm at night (manager). I gave so much to them but when I needed some flexibility in return - nada. These big companies don’t give a shit about their employees. In a few years time no one will give a shit that you took a dodgy sick day. It won’t burn into your conscience forever. But missing your friend’s funeral might. That’s what’s important in life.

Maverickess · 02/02/2025 08:06

I lost a friend dear to me a couple of years ago and was point blank refused leave or swaps for the funeral.
Honestly, it still bothers me that I didn't go. If the situation were to arise again, I wouldn't ring in sick but stand my ground, and say that I'm going to the funeral, I've offered these options as alternatives, and take the disciplinary for a days unauthorised leave, rather than try to defend lying about being off sick.
You can't really defend ringing in sick, they'll know, and they'll take you to task over the lying rather than the absence. I'd rather defend the unauthorised absence with the facts about the situation tbh, because I wouldn't feel I had any defence for ringing in sick on a day that they knew I'd already been denied leave.
I'd also be pointing out how obviously important it was for me to attend, given that I'm willing to face the disciplinary rather than not going, which should give them insight into how this situation was affecting me.
I'm sorry for your loss.

Humphhhh · 02/02/2025 08:09

Do you work in the NHS?

SparklesGlitter · 02/02/2025 08:10

Don’t go off sick. You could be done for misconduct. Say how important this person was in your life and you need to say goodbye and get that bit of closure. You’ll take it as unpaid, and make the time up. Or you’ll duck out for the funeral if not to far away, and then be back after

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 02/02/2025 08:12

Don't call in sick. As pp said, tell them you are attending the funeral and non negotiable. If poss as annual leave. If they choose to put as un auth absence that's upto them.

maddening · 02/02/2025 08:14

CarliLove35 · 01/02/2025 12:33

I wouldn't go off sick. I would tell your line manager that you are attending the funeral and it's non-negotiable. You will take the day as annual leave or unpaid leave, but you are going. This is a close personal friend and you need to pay your respects and say your goodbyes respectfully.

Condolences on your loss.

And if they cause a fuss.i would be looking at a new job!

RatedDoingMagic · 02/02/2025 08:16

ClearHoldBuild · 02/02/2025 07:49

All those advocating a sick note, you do realise that GPs are stretched enough with time wasters without adding to their workload and potentially depriving someone else of an appointment that is actually needed.

Not even this. A GP will not provide a sick note until after you have self-certified for 5 days and need a note to cover you for more than a week off. Sick notes cannot be used for a single day.

nomorechoco · 02/02/2025 08:54

I totally agree that your employer is in the wrong on this but I'm quite shocked by the number of people that are saying that your GP should just sign you off. GPs shouldn't be asked or expected to sign people off who are not sick! Their job is to attend to ill people not get people out of tricky situations at work.

JMSA · 02/02/2025 08:58

I'm really sorry for your loss. I am always 🙄 at 'time off at the drop of a hat' posts, but this is absolutely not the case here!
It's really bad that they denied your request Sad
I wish you had decided to call in sick in the first place, but presumably you didn't see this coming?
Flowers

JMSA · 02/02/2025 09:00

nomorechoco · 02/02/2025 08:54

I totally agree that your employer is in the wrong on this but I'm quite shocked by the number of people that are saying that your GP should just sign you off. GPs shouldn't be asked or expected to sign people off who are not sick! Their job is to attend to ill people not get people out of tricky situations at work.

Agreed.

grace2025 · 02/02/2025 10:01

Yes that's right you self certify for first week, as self limiting illnesses often resolve in that time it's only after that you need a sick note.

llizzie · 02/02/2025 18:54

cherryblossom83 · 01/02/2025 12:09

I have worked in the same company for almost 20 years. I love my job. Due to the nature of my job it can be difficult to get time off at certain times as any shifts swapped have to be done ourselves. I accept this and have missed out on family events over the years.
I rarely take a sick day I've had one sick day in 5 years.
I've now had a bereavement and because it is not a direct relative of mine but someone I knew extremely well the company will not authorise me the day off to attend the funeral. The problem I have is because it's a training course hence why I cannot swap with one of my colleagues despite the course taking place frequently and I have offered to attend the course on my days off they will not accommodate me due to the course being at maximum numbers. I don't have access to see who is on the course on other days.
Aibu to just call in sick at this point as they will have to find me a place on the course at a later date or would you basically just keep saying what I have already said that I need to be there.

No. It is risking your job and the rest of your life, because they will not give you a reference and any new employer will think you were in the habit of doing this.

If you had asked for the time off because a dear close friend had died and you wanted to pay your respects and mourn, they might have given you the time gladly. Too many people think that the term 'relative' means anyone in the family tree, and that makes employers cautious.

canyouseemyhousefromhere · 02/02/2025 19:30

I’m sorry for your loss OP. What an awful way to treat a loyal employee.

You can’t just take the day sick, it would have to be a couple of days before and after too as it would be very obvious that you were lying. I think it would also look a bit suspicious if you took any time tbh.

I would probably say that I was taking the day as unpaid leave and will do the training as soon as they can arrange it.

Look for another job with a more reasonable employer.

Missj25 · 02/02/2025 20:24

I’d say what Carlilove35 advised you to say ..

Sorry for your loss x

MyProudHare · 02/02/2025 20:55

Who won't authorise you, OP? Your manager? Can you appeal to anyone higher up? What about HR - have you got an HR dept there?

I'd be considering raising a grievance, personally. This is a really bad way to treat a loyal employee.

TwinklySquid · 02/02/2025 21:33

I’d go. Tell them you are taking the death hard and need a few days to get over it.

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 02/02/2025 21:51

Sidebeforeself · 01/02/2025 13:15

Can’t believe posters are saying get signed off sick! No wonder people can’t get GP appointments and the Uk is seen as workshy . As others have suggested there’s a way around this without clogging up the NHS .

Absolutely! The ease at which people churn out "get signed off" is embarrassing.

OP doesn't sound like someone who'd do this as she wouldn't need to ask and just do it.

As the sensible have said OP, there are ways to get your day off without lying and using up NHS resources unnecessarily.

Sorry for your loss and hope you manage to go and keep your job.

shehasglasses48 · 02/02/2025 22:17

Sorry your firm is so lacking in understanding but could you explain the situation and offer to take it as annual leave xx

budlea64 · 03/02/2025 01:42

I just wouldn't work for a company or organisation that would do this.

saffronspices · 03/02/2025 04:24

Do you know anyone else who has had the same issue in the past getting time off for a funeral who is not a close relative? Are they following a strict pattern?

Ger1atricMillennial · 03/02/2025 05:36

Oh OP what a conundrum. This is just extra unnecessary stress.

I can't believe they can't manage a day, especially with warning, what would happen if you were in a car accident?

You have several great options. My preference is honest and immovable, as being a trusted employee is important, however if it was me I would be sick for the day before, the day of and the day after. Even though this is a training course, things happen and they can always be rebooked.

I also echo the sentiment of looking for another place to work.

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