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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To call in sick after this happened

131 replies

cherryblossom83 · 01/02/2025 12:09

I have worked in the same company for almost 20 years. I love my job. Due to the nature of my job it can be difficult to get time off at certain times as any shifts swapped have to be done ourselves. I accept this and have missed out on family events over the years.
I rarely take a sick day I've had one sick day in 5 years.
I've now had a bereavement and because it is not a direct relative of mine but someone I knew extremely well the company will not authorise me the day off to attend the funeral. The problem I have is because it's a training course hence why I cannot swap with one of my colleagues despite the course taking place frequently and I have offered to attend the course on my days off they will not accommodate me due to the course being at maximum numbers. I don't have access to see who is on the course on other days.
Aibu to just call in sick at this point as they will have to find me a place on the course at a later date or would you basically just keep saying what I have already said that I need to be there.

OP posts:
NewFriendlyLadybird · 01/02/2025 16:14

CarliLove35 · 01/02/2025 12:33

I wouldn't go off sick. I would tell your line manager that you are attending the funeral and it's non-negotiable. You will take the day as annual leave or unpaid leave, but you are going. This is a close personal friend and you need to pay your respects and say your goodbyes respectfully.

Condolences on your loss.

^^^ This.

AliceSpringsEverywhere · 01/02/2025 16:17

TheAphrodite · 01/02/2025 13:07

get signed off by Dr's for a couple weeks xx

Oh FGS- tell lies you mean - twice? To the dr and her employer.

Flatulence · 01/02/2025 16:33

The PP who posted the template letter has nailed it.

Copy in your HR contact too and also your manager's manager.

You'll likely have to take it as a day of paid or unpaid leave but they are being totally unreasonable if they can't accommodate one day of leave for a funeral.

MumWifeOther · 01/02/2025 16:39

TheAphrodite · 01/02/2025 13:07

get signed off by Dr's for a couple weeks xx

Yes this.

luckylavender · 01/02/2025 16:40

grace2025 · 01/02/2025 12:27

Take as AL?

They won't let her have it

luckylavender · 01/02/2025 16:41

PickledPurplePickle · 01/02/2025 12:52

Don’t go sick they will know it’s a lie

Ask them for annual leave or an unpaid day off

The OP has asked for annual leave. What part of that does no one understand?

Laszlomydarling · 01/02/2025 16:44

Don't call in sick with some random illness, call in sick with stress due to bereavement. Do this straight away and don't go back until a few days/ week after the funeral. Doctor will sign you off if you explain you're not coping.

StormingNorman · 01/02/2025 16:52

It will not go unnoticed that you are “sick” on the day you asked to have off. It’s unfortunate it’s also a training day as that will have helped the date of the funeral stick in their minds.

I think you need to accept that you cannot attend the funeral. Perhaps you could watch on Zoom or attend the gathering afterwards if the times work.

StormingNorman · 01/02/2025 16:53

All the low life’s suggesting OP lies to get a sick note 😂😂🙈😂😂

TheAphrodite · 01/02/2025 18:34

StormingNorman · 01/02/2025 16:53

All the low life’s suggesting OP lies to get a sick note 😂😂🙈😂😂

why low life's? OP is going through a significant loss and their work isn't allowing them to take time off for it? Having two weeks signed off will take the stress off and considering OP has been a model employee and barely taken any period off while working there, it's a good chance to reset and decide if staying working for an employer like that is worth it.

I cannot stress this enough, EMPLOYERS DO NOT CARE ABOUT YOU! You are just a number to them.

grace2025 · 01/02/2025 18:47

I thought she'd asked for special/ compassionate leave and then to swap the course day.

For clarity OP have they declined annual leave and unpaid leave ie are they saying it's mandatory that you come in on that day no matter what?

xmaspomanon · 01/02/2025 18:55

Can you change jobs? They sound awful to work for

StormingNorman · 01/02/2025 21:06

TheAphrodite · 01/02/2025 18:34

why low life's? OP is going through a significant loss and their work isn't allowing them to take time off for it? Having two weeks signed off will take the stress off and considering OP has been a model employee and barely taken any period off while working there, it's a good chance to reset and decide if staying working for an employer like that is worth it.

I cannot stress this enough, EMPLOYERS DO NOT CARE ABOUT YOU! You are just a number to them.

Show quote history

OP isn’t sick with stress. She hasn’t mentioned being unable to function. She just needs a day off - that is not what sick notes are for.

Please don’t make it harder for people who genuinely suffer with disabling mental health to be believed and taken seriously.

lavendarwillow · 01/02/2025 21:43

Honestly life is short and precious, as I can imagine you are very aware right now OP. Call in sick and take the following day as well. Don't feel guilty.

StormingNorman · 01/02/2025 21:45

lavendarwillow · 01/02/2025 21:43

Honestly life is short and precious, as I can imagine you are very aware right now OP. Call in sick and take the following day as well. Don't feel guilty.

Or resign

BCBird · 01/02/2025 22:05

It's disgusting when employers do this OP. I hope you get it sorted. Please accept my condolences

Original poster
cherryblossom83 · 02/02/2025 00:54

Thank you everyone only getting through the responses now but thank you for the support and kind words

OP posts:
SugarPlumpFairyCakes · 02/02/2025 05:40

I am amazed and appalled at the way you're being treated.

I hope you go to the funeral.

I hope you start looking for another job.

NattyTurtle59 · 02/02/2025 05:45

parttimeworks · 01/02/2025 12:53

You are extremely stressed after the bereavement and have been struggling to hold it together. GP will sign you off for two weeks. Work would replace you in a heartbeat, this is important

I am aghast at the responses suggesting OP do this. What sort of a country do you live in that GPs sign people off so readily? No wonder the UK has issues.

Having said that, nowhere I have ever worked would turn down a request to attend a funeral.

Scarydinosaurs · 02/02/2025 05:48

How awful and unfeeling of them.

Can you find other work? I would be looking for a new job. How heartless of them.

Rachmorr57 · 02/02/2025 05:48

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Isometimeswonder · 02/02/2025 06:16

Don't lie.
I'd rather face a disciplinary for not turning up (after telling them) than for falsifying sick leave.

SugarPlumpFairyCakes · 02/02/2025 06:43

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

It's clearly not for any reason.

cookingthebooks · 02/02/2025 07:07

Honestly, in your situation I’d take the week off, self certify and tell them you’re struggling with your mental health and anxiety because of this death. I’d personally then go to the GP and get them to sign you off for a second week purely because then if they were to try and take any sort of disciplinary action against you they’d not have a single leg to stand on. You have indisputable evidence you were struggling with your mental health and that is completely reasonable grounds on which to use sick leave. If you go to the funeral in that time there’s nothing they can do about that. Use the rest of the time to enjoy yourself and consider deeply what absolute shits your company are to treat you this way after such a long and steadfast service!

lilytuckerpritchet · 02/02/2025 07:24

A old dear friend works in a school, when my mother died (who friend had known her entire life and was extremely close to) school refused leave. As it happened friend had emergency surgery and was still signed off from that so did attend. She said going forward she would lie and say grandparent if faced with that situation again..