Page 7 | to start giving personalised gifts so they don't get regifted back to me?

offfswitch · 2025-01-31T22:01:33+00:00

Firstly I have no problem with regifting. But the golden rule is you don't regift to the person who gave you the gift in the first place! It is happening more and more often and it is just getting annoying and it feels so thoughtless that they didn't even remember that I gave it to them in the first place. For example, I have a friend who is a coffee aficionado so bought him a coffee hamper. He regifted it back to me. I don't even drink coffee!! My new plan is to give personalised gifts. Surely they won't get regifted back to me?

PilgriminProgress · 01/02/2025 19:39

Regifting is already kind of a gray area for me, but regifting something back to the person who gave it to you? That’s like saying, I didn’t even bother to remember where this came from. I think the personalized gift route is genius. Not only are you making it special, but you’re also making it impossible to regift without looking like a complete fool!

Shwish · 01/02/2025 19:46

"It feels like they want the big “thank you” but there wasn’t any thought at all regarding the gifts."

Yeah this. It's like when you get some awful auntie who gets all huffy that the kids haven't handwritten a thank you letter for some present that would have suited a 6 year old when they're 11!
I honestly don't think this attitude is remotely generous. In fact it's all about the giver not the recipient.
If you don't want your presents regifted stop giving any. Simple. Everyone has toouch crap anyway
I feel like it's almost passive aggressive giving something to someone that they haven't chosen and potentially won't like. Especially if like some people I know who then ask where it is!

Original poster

offfswitch · 01/02/2025 20:28

FrustratedandBemused · 01/02/2025 18:50

Ask him, he is the one who regifted it 🤷🏻‍♀️

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You are the one who said it was a shit gift 🙄

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Original poster

offfswitch · 01/02/2025 20:29

FrustratedandBemused · 01/02/2025 19:24

You keep insisting it was a good gift, but it obviously wasn’t as he didn’t want it.

I didn't insist it was a good gift but he loves coffee. I put thought into his gift by buying him the coffee he has every day.

I didn't regift him the coffee from someone else.

OP posts:

FrustratedandBemused · 01/02/2025 20:30

offfswitch · 01/02/2025 20:29

I didn't insist it was a good gift but he loves coffee. I put thought into his gift by buying him the coffee he has every day.

I didn't regift him the coffee from someone else.

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No, but he still didn’t want it. So maybe stop buying him gifts.

Original poster

offfswitch · 01/02/2025 20:31

Sheknowsaboutme · 01/02/2025 19:34

Because its not a gift if someone can go out and buy it. Its boring!

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It was a coffee hamper with the coffee he drinks and other coffee stuff.

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Original poster

offfswitch · 01/02/2025 20:31

FrustratedandBemused · 01/02/2025 20:30

No, but he still didn’t want it. So maybe stop buying him gifts.

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I will actually take this advice.

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FrustratedandBemused · 01/02/2025 20:32

offfswitch · 01/02/2025 20:28

You are the one who said it was a shit gift 🙄

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I meant that he obviously thought it was a shit gift, as he gave it away. If he’d thought it was a good gift, he’d have kept it. It’s not rocket science.

Original poster

offfswitch · 01/02/2025 20:33

Shwish · 01/02/2025 19:46

"It feels like they want the big “thank you” but there wasn’t any thought at all regarding the gifts."

Yeah this. It's like when you get some awful auntie who gets all huffy that the kids haven't handwritten a thank you letter for some present that would have suited a 6 year old when they're 11!
I honestly don't think this attitude is remotely generous. In fact it's all about the giver not the recipient.
If you don't want your presents regifted stop giving any. Simple. Everyone has toouch crap anyway
I feel like it's almost passive aggressive giving something to someone that they haven't chosen and potentially won't like. Especially if like some people I know who then ask where it is!

I have no problem with the gifts I give being regifted. I just don't want them regifted to me!

OP posts:

Original poster

offfswitch · 01/02/2025 20:35

FrustratedandBemused · 01/02/2025 20:32

I meant that he obviously thought it was a shit gift, as he gave it away. If he’d thought it was a good gift, he’d have kept it. It’s not rocket science.

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People don't just give gifts away because they are shit. People often put gifts away to give to others at some point. Saves them spending money.

It is not rocket science but not as simple as you make out.

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Lavenderandbrown · 01/02/2025 20:42

Love a gift thread. So much emotion around gifting. OP I do think it’s inconsiderate to regift a gift back to you. It’s next level of complete lack of thought. It’s one thing to receive a gift which you suspect is a regift because it’s slightly off but another to receive a gift you have given to them. This friend is clearly indicating they don’t value gifting. I get this becuse I am very particular about the value of gifting. As a result I gift very few people in my life and it’s fine. We are all fine. I gifted my DC their significant others and my nephew this past Christmas and it was great. To me your friend is clearly indicating it’s time to stop gifting. And I do think regifting has an overall theme of this will do. My DH adult
children gifted me a bottle of red wine last Christmas …they have never ever seen me
with a glass of red wine and they love to drink white wine and Prosecco just like me so I’m pretty confident it was a regift. My sis and bil drank it when they visited so not
wasted. Stop gifting

itsnotalwaysthateasy · 01/02/2025 20:45

Re-gift the re-gift present back to him on his birthday!
I would like people to stop buying me 'fun' mugs. I detest them.

N0sferatu · 01/02/2025 22:01

I think you're getting a hard time from some of the posters on here. I don't think it was a shit gift, perhaps not the most exciting but you clearly put some thought into it. He's just an arsehole for giving it back to you. In future, I'd put less thought into any presents you get for him. He'd get socks or a Lynx set or something. Serves him right.

brunettemic · 01/02/2025 22:36

Wouldn’t it make more sense to gift people things that you want?

Rachmorr57 · 01/02/2025 22:47

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Original poster

offfswitch · 02/02/2025 08:17

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I have a lot of family and friends birthdays etc who buy me gifts.

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DalzielOrNoDalzielAndDontPascoe · 02/02/2025 09:21

Lavenderandbrown · 01/02/2025 20:42

Love a gift thread. So much emotion around gifting. OP I do think it’s inconsiderate to regift a gift back to you. It’s next level of complete lack of thought. It’s one thing to receive a gift which you suspect is a regift because it’s slightly off but another to receive a gift you have given to them. This friend is clearly indicating they don’t value gifting. I get this becuse I am very particular about the value of gifting. As a result I gift very few people in my life and it’s fine. We are all fine. I gifted my DC their significant others and my nephew this past Christmas and it was great. To me your friend is clearly indicating it’s time to stop gifting. And I do think regifting has an overall theme of this will do. My DH adult
children gifted me a bottle of red wine last Christmas …they have never ever seen me
with a glass of red wine and they love to drink white wine and Prosecco just like me so I’m pretty confident it was a regift. My sis and bil drank it when they visited so not
wasted. Stop gifting

I think it's maybe fair enough if you get something that you don't like or can't/wouldn't really use, but you're pretty sure that Barbara would like it, as it's very much her kind of thing - as long as Barbara didn't originally give it to you!

However, just taking the attitude that "this is A Thing and I need A Thing to give to Barbara, so it's perfect" - even if it's wine and she's teetotal or a men's shaving set or something, is disgraceful. Much better no gift at all than a clearly unsuitable and insulting 'contractual obligation' one.

TizerorFizz · 02/02/2025 09:47

I think giving gifts to a wider range of people is something some people do. We have a friend who sets great store by the number of birthday cards received and has lunches with friends so they can hand over the presents around her birthday. Conversely we just keep our birthdays to ourselves and have a get together on big birthdays. At which point we say no presents. It’s two different points of view but my friend regifts. She gave the glasses to my DDs. It just feels a bit grabby and needing to be the centre of attention, as you were as a child. As we are in our 60s it’s time to drop it. I think over 30 it’s time to drop birthday friend birthday presents! If everyone you know is going through the cult of giving, and receiving, I can see the problem but there should be more maturity around this.

coo12 · 02/02/2025 10:30

@DalzielOrNoDalzielAndDontPascoe

"However, just taking the attitude that "this is A Thing and I need A Thing to give to Barbara, so it's perfect" - even if it's wine and she's teetotal or a men's shaving set or something, is disgraceful. Much better no gift at all than a clearly unsuitable and insulting 'contractual obligation' one."

Exactly this! I don't understand the mindset of a recipient who receives something that they actually like and use (as in the case of the OP's gift and the gift that I sent my relative) but then won't use it and even worse, gift it back to the original sender. Very ungrateful!
Also, if they perceive gifts to be "shit" then what does it say about them if they are then happy enough to pass on that "shit" gift to someone else?
I just find regifting awful.

DistractMe · 02/02/2025 13:21

Can I just hop in to ask when "gifting" became a verb? I'm sure it used to just be called giving presents to people.

As to the OP's original question, if you are in a large social/family setting where present giving is a wide ranging custom I think you are going to have to expect them to come back to you occasionally. Unless you expect everyone to keep track of it on a spreadsheet. Which would seem a bit joyless to me. Surely the point of giving presents is to show people that you care about them and that they are important to you. If you are more bothered about the actual material gift then you should definitely stop doing all this and use the money to buy yourself stuff you actually want.

ThatEllie · 02/02/2025 14:21

If he’s a coffee aficionado then buying the brand he likes isn’t enough. He’ll like specific types from specific places with a specific grind and preparation etc etc. I have a self-professed coffee snob in my family and I’d never dream of buying her anything related to coffee because she’s incredibly particular about it. I know the brand she likes but they make about 900 varieties from different places around the world, so if I just bought her a hamper because it’s that brand I guarantee there wouldn’t be anything in it that she wanted or would drink.

I think hampers are rather poor choices of gift in general and tend to lend themselves to being regifted.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 02/02/2025 14:55

I think you should agree with those people not to “do” gifts. If it’s causing upset it’s not worth it.

For whatever reason they obviously didn’t want those gifts so best not to try any more.

Original poster

offfswitch · 02/02/2025 15:11

DistractMe · 02/02/2025 13:21

Can I just hop in to ask when "gifting" became a verb? I'm sure it used to just be called giving presents to people.

As to the OP's original question, if you are in a large social/family setting where present giving is a wide ranging custom I think you are going to have to expect them to come back to you occasionally. Unless you expect everyone to keep track of it on a spreadsheet. Which would seem a bit joyless to me. Surely the point of giving presents is to show people that you care about them and that they are important to you. If you are more bothered about the actual material gift then you should definitely stop doing all this and use the money to buy yourself stuff you actually want.

Surely the point of giving presents is to show people that you care about them and that they are important to you.

What does that say about the person who regifts back to the giver?

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DistractMe · 02/02/2025 15:44

offfswitch · 02/02/2025 15:11

Surely the point of giving presents is to show people that you care about them and that they are important to you.

What does that say about the person who regifts back to the giver?

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Probably that they don't keep a spreadsheet....

Apologies if this has been covered upthread, but have you asked the person who gave you the coffee if they realised it had come from you in the first place?

kiraric · 02/02/2025 15:46

A friend once gave me a bottle of wine

Someone had personalised the label so it said "happy birthday xxxx"

Funny thing was it wasn't even her name so had clearly been regifted more than once !