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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to start giving personalised gifts so they don't get regifted back to me?

231 replies

offfswitch · 31/01/2025 22:01

Firstly I have no problem with regifting. But the golden rule is you don't regift to the person who gave you the gift in the first place!

It is happening more and more often and it is just getting annoying and it feels so thoughtless that they didn't even remember that I gave it to them in the first place.

For example, I have a friend who is a coffee aficionado so bought him a coffee hamper. He regifted it back to me. I don't even drink coffee!!

My new plan is to give personalised gifts. Surely they won't get regifted back to me?

OP posts:
PuppyMonkey · 01/02/2025 13:03

This has never happened to me OP - yet it happens to you all the time? Confused
Either your friends are particularly twatty or you’re just not very good at gift buying. In which case just stop wasting your money.

spacepies · 01/02/2025 13:03

I dont do gifts problem solved.

SoupDragon · 01/02/2025 13:06

The reason for the personalised gifts is so that at least it won't come back to me

So, all about you.

AmusedGoose · 01/02/2025 13:07

My MIL does this so we buy her stuff we want anyway!

FrustratedandBemused · 01/02/2025 13:12

offfswitch · 01/02/2025 13:02

This is true but at least I won't get it back.

Or you could just not buy it. What a fucking waste.

KittyFantastica · 01/02/2025 13:19

Personally, I wouldn't bother. I've received gifts I've loved and kept, and I've received gifts I've disliked and either re-gifted or given to a charity shop. This includes personalised stuff.

I've found, the older I've got, the less I seem to want what other people choose for me, or that they're simply ignoring any of the ideas put forward. I love herbal tea, but if someone bought me a tea set, it's likely I'd only use the particular one I like from it and the rest would go to waste - or I'd end up regifting it.

When my husband and I got together, I would get texts from his family every year, birthday and Christmas, to find out what he wanted. This stopped a couple of years ago for some reason, and he's got bags of random stuff from his parents since. I'll point out, it was never expensive stuff he wanted or needed - a pair of slippers, or a book, or some pj bottoms, or a video game, etc.

We've spoken to them about it, but guess work seems to be the new fad. He did get a text from his step mum asking what I'd like for my birthday last year. He gave them the name of a book and nothing else. They ended up giving me two slates to serve hors d'oeuvres on, which is bizarre as we don't host dinner parties ever. We'd honestly rather they save their money, yet year after year there comes the random box of stuff from his dad (including an empty glass bottle, two sets of egg cups, a metal money box, post it notes, a Lego figure and an ugly piece of art work more to his dad's own taste).

None of it is useful or wanted and just clutters up the place, but his dad still believes all of those things are extremely useful or cool. If they had our names on, they'd still go to the charity shop. It makes us feel awful because we want to be grateful, but as you know from being given your coffee gift back, it's hard to be grateful for something you don't like and won't use - doubly so when you bought it for someone else!

thesoundofwildgeese · 01/02/2025 13:23

LocalHobo · 31/01/2025 22:08

I admit to doing this with my Godson.
I discovered that gifts to him were being sold on eBay. I totally get the issue with unwanted clutter(although they have plenty of space) so I asked his parents if they/he would prefer money being invested into an account for his future rather than gifts but they refused this. I now purchase personalised items, I try to get things he will enjoy now but will be worth keeping when he has a home of his own.

I'd stop giving the child gifts if the parents are going to sell them.

Twixtmasjigsaw · 01/02/2025 13:31

Honestly, most personalised stuff is absolute tut and they won't thank you for it. As a society we just have so much stuff these days, people don't want wine glasses with 'Happy Birthday Lisa' written on them.

I prefer 'experience' gifts these days. My bestie took me out for lunch on my birthday. My DS bought me a craft workshop. Infinitely better.

InMySpareTime · 01/02/2025 13:33

If you insist on giving gifts, perhaps get tickets to something or an "experience" gift that will expire before your next gifting occasion, then he won't be able to regift it to you.

offfswitch · 01/02/2025 13:33

KittyFantastica · 01/02/2025 13:19

Personally, I wouldn't bother. I've received gifts I've loved and kept, and I've received gifts I've disliked and either re-gifted or given to a charity shop. This includes personalised stuff.

I've found, the older I've got, the less I seem to want what other people choose for me, or that they're simply ignoring any of the ideas put forward. I love herbal tea, but if someone bought me a tea set, it's likely I'd only use the particular one I like from it and the rest would go to waste - or I'd end up regifting it.

When my husband and I got together, I would get texts from his family every year, birthday and Christmas, to find out what he wanted. This stopped a couple of years ago for some reason, and he's got bags of random stuff from his parents since. I'll point out, it was never expensive stuff he wanted or needed - a pair of slippers, or a book, or some pj bottoms, or a video game, etc.

We've spoken to them about it, but guess work seems to be the new fad. He did get a text from his step mum asking what I'd like for my birthday last year. He gave them the name of a book and nothing else. They ended up giving me two slates to serve hors d'oeuvres on, which is bizarre as we don't host dinner parties ever. We'd honestly rather they save their money, yet year after year there comes the random box of stuff from his dad (including an empty glass bottle, two sets of egg cups, a metal money box, post it notes, a Lego figure and an ugly piece of art work more to his dad's own taste).

None of it is useful or wanted and just clutters up the place, but his dad still believes all of those things are extremely useful or cool. If they had our names on, they'd still go to the charity shop. It makes us feel awful because we want to be grateful, but as you know from being given your coffee gift back, it's hard to be grateful for something you don't like and won't use - doubly so when you bought it for someone else!

I think some people don't actually want to buy what people want because they don't want to spend the money. So they regift or buy something cheap because it is easier. I have received dusty out of date boxes of chocolate before.

OP posts:
offfswitch · 01/02/2025 13:34

SoupDragon · 01/02/2025 13:06

The reason for the personalised gifts is so that at least it won't come back to me

So, all about you.

Is it all about me if people give me gifts that I gave to them?

OP posts:
offfswitch · 01/02/2025 13:36

LocalHobo · 31/01/2025 22:08

I admit to doing this with my Godson.
I discovered that gifts to him were being sold on eBay. I totally get the issue with unwanted clutter(although they have plenty of space) so I asked his parents if they/he would prefer money being invested into an account for his future rather than gifts but they refused this. I now purchase personalised items, I try to get things he will enjoy now but will be worth keeping when he has a home of his own.

His parents refused money yet they are happy for their son to sell the gifts on eBay? You giving money would save him having to sell the unwanted gifts.

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 01/02/2025 15:15

offfswitch · 01/02/2025 12:53

Even when someone is an aficionado and I got the exact coffee he drinks daily? That was his personal taste. I don't know about coffee hence got the one he told me about.

If that's the case then it made no sense for him to re-gift it to you. He also would have remembered that you got it for him so was making a point, and rudely. If you're not as enamoured for coffee as he is and he didn't just buy you the same thing, he really didn't appreciate it.

I think adult gifts are so prone to getting it wrong, many of us do not want more 'stuff'. It is so easy to get this wrong but so many just don't care, they know best and will get a gift for whomever, like it or not..

I'm not saying this is you, OP, but it very is my experience. People think they know the other person better when they really don't.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 01/02/2025 15:20

LocalHobo · 31/01/2025 22:08

I admit to doing this with my Godson.
I discovered that gifts to him were being sold on eBay. I totally get the issue with unwanted clutter(although they have plenty of space) so I asked his parents if they/he would prefer money being invested into an account for his future rather than gifts but they refused this. I now purchase personalised items, I try to get things he will enjoy now but will be worth keeping when he has a home of his own.

In your opinion it will be worth him keeping for his home. You don't know his taste, you're getting it wrong hence the Ebay selling on, so you will force the issue by getting him personalised stuff that he is compelled to keep or throw out.

Do you really think this is in any way generous? If you want to give him a gift that will be useful than make it money. If not then perhaps just stop because the only one getting anything out of this farce is you.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 01/02/2025 15:26

LocalHobo, meant also to say that it's not up to anyone else if you want to gift money. It's really clear that your godson would much prefer this. Stop asking his parents and give him cash in a card. It's his, not theirs and they don't have a right to interfere.

Longwaysouth · 01/02/2025 15:28

Buy them charity gifts....plant a tree, feed a family, train a midwife, etc.
Then your money isn't wasted.

Your 'gift' to them is automatically "regifted' to someone who really appreciates the help.
Think of the person you are buying it for and get something appropriate. Like a donation to a coffee foundation!

MumChp · 01/02/2025 15:29

mum2jakie · 31/01/2025 22:05

Time to be honest. "Bloody hell Fred! This is the same hamper I gave you for your birthday!" And just agree not to bother with presents!!

This. The end of gifting. No worth it.

Mountainfrog · 01/02/2025 15:31

ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 31/01/2025 23:16

I think that's completely daft - what a waste of money and resources buying someone a present that they are unable to pass on to someone if they don't like it . If your gift giving is constantly missing the mark, either stop trading gifts or give them an Amazon card.

Agree with this

Pinkmoonshine · 01/02/2025 15:35

Time to stop giving gifts surely?

Teanbiscuits33 · 01/02/2025 15:39

If it keeps happening all the time OP, I’d wonder about my gift choosing abilities and either ask for ideas of what they might like if buying gifts for them is that important to you, or stop buying them gifts full stop. Personalised gifts are more expensive and you don’t want to spend more buying for ungrateful sods. This has never happened to me in my life!

offfswitch · 01/02/2025 16:10

Longwaysouth · 01/02/2025 15:28

Buy them charity gifts....plant a tree, feed a family, train a midwife, etc.
Then your money isn't wasted.

Your 'gift' to them is automatically "regifted' to someone who really appreciates the help.
Think of the person you are buying it for and get something appropriate. Like a donation to a coffee foundation!

I have started doing this more in the last year. Stuff like plant a tree - then I give the certificate as the gift. Sometimes people feel like they didn't really get anything though.

OP posts:
DalzielOrNoDalzielAndDontPascoe · 01/02/2025 16:11

LocalHobo · 31/01/2025 22:08

I admit to doing this with my Godson.
I discovered that gifts to him were being sold on eBay. I totally get the issue with unwanted clutter(although they have plenty of space) so I asked his parents if they/he would prefer money being invested into an account for his future rather than gifts but they refused this. I now purchase personalised items, I try to get things he will enjoy now but will be worth keeping when he has a home of his own.

Buy them from him on eBay and then give them back to him again the next year - even better if your eBay username (or a new one you can specifically set up for the purpose) is auntiesarahofacaciadrive or something similarly highly personalised to you Grin

DalzielOrNoDalzielAndDontPascoe · 01/02/2025 16:15

I agree on the afficionado point: it's stupid giving somebody a book, DVD or whatever that they will almost certainly have already bought on the day it was released.

It's a bit weird with something like the specific coffee that you drink loads of, though, where you can likely always use more.

mumda · 01/02/2025 16:21

Either buy them something you want.
Or
Buy them something you don't mind them re-gifting.
Or
Ask them if they'd like to stop the gift nonsense.

NarnianQueen · 01/02/2025 16:27

If someone regifted something they definitely like and would ordinarily want to keep for themselves I'd assume they were very hard up and suggest that you both stop doing presents.

Otherwise they just don't know what to get you and figure you must like coffee because you got it for them?

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