Interested to hear people’s thoughts on this scenario.
Attended a conflict resolution/having difficult conversations workshop the other day at work, as I have recently started a more managerial role (I work in healthcare). It was quite interesting overall, exploring different behaviour types: the aggressive ‘bulldozer’, the submissive ‘doormat’ , the passive-aggressive ‘sniper’, and the healthiest way to handle these situations is with assertive behaviour. However one aspect of it didn’t quite sit right with me.
The scenario given (think in context of NHS hospital) was…
You’ve had a horrific day at work, so busy you’ve had no lunch break, headache, trains are delayed/stuck in traffic en route home. All you want to do is get home and crash out before your next shift tomorrow morning. You get through the door, and your DH says, ‘finally you’re home, get ready, my parents are going to take us out for a meal.’ 😳
The trainers’ reasoning was because your relationship with DH is high value and your own want (to go home and relax) is low value, i.e. you could suck it up (???), is that the smoothest way (and presumably what they were insinuating was that it was the BEST way) to deal with it, should go along to the meal because you value your relationship with your DH/in laws, and you don’t absolutely need to rest.
A couple of us pointed out that actually, isn’t that passive/doormat behaviour? We suggested an assertive but polite way to deal with the situation would be to say ‘sounds nice but I’ve had a horrendous day and just need to unwind. You go to the meal and enjoy your time with your parents, but I’ll be sitting this one out. Also, it’s not really fair to spring this on me when I’m already late home and you could have text to ask me at any point in the day, if this was ok with me?’
Trainer seemed a bit dumbfounded and said that responding with ‘it’s not fair’ is bulldozer behaviour! But why would DH and in laws needs be more important than mine? Isn’t it important to protect your own wellbeing and boundaries, and isn’t it somewhat disrespectful of them not to check in with you first?
What does everyone think? (I was thinking about it afterwards and realised I am probably biased as I don’t really have any kind of relationship with my in laws and pulling this sort of shit on a really inconvenient day sounds like something they would do lol- I probably would go along to the meal if I actually liked them 🤣)