To wonder why people don’t look after themselves

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My husband is overweight and has a number of obesity related conditions.

He has been told repeated by doctors that he needs to control his food intake and take better care of himself. He is already on life long medication, and has been for years. He is mid 40s.
He is very worried about his health but he repeatedly falls into his bad habits. His will power lasts a few days and he is eating shit again. He has he doesn’t without thinking. He is making himself and me worried.

Indont understand why he keeps doing this to himself. His response is always, “I will start tomorrow,” but he never does. This (delaying things that are difficult) is a very common trait with him and he got some therapy years ago but it hasn’t worked. He has dozens of self help / procrastination books which has never read.

He is a great husband and father to our two children. I just cannot seem to get through to him. He has a very, very traumatic childhood and he says he slipped into this attitude of putting things over whilst he was at school and its effect him his whole life. He now has a good job, we have a good life and I want it to continue.

@Bumpitybumper yes people did experience these things in the past but what has changed is the abundance of cheap shit food available. I’m not sure those growing up in the 40s 50s and 60s
had the opportunity to use food as a coping mechanism

> Yes I can imagine people who are obese don’t feel great due to their size

You continue to get it the wrong way around

Most obese, and some overweight, people have the self-worth problem that leads to their size, not the other way around

You cannot conceive of people being different to you, can you?

> It takes little effort

You are demonstrating that you have absolutely no idea what you are talking about

Would you tell someone clinically depressed it takes very little effort to smile, feel better, do something fun?
How about telling an alcoholic it takes very little effort to drink lemonade instead of lager?
Do you think it would take an anorectic very little effort just to eat something and not stick their fingers down their throat afterwards?

You know nothing about mental health at all

How to say "I have no sympathy for, nor understanding of, anyone but myself" without saying it

It's also easier for suicidal people to slit their wrists and get into a hot bath than go on living
Is that your attitude to them?

> Rolling eyes because someone dares to suggest practical and realistic steps that someone struggling with looking after themselves could implement?

No, rolling eyes because someone has suggested impractical and unrealistic steps, that would be almost impossible to implement for someone with mental health difficulties

Or maybe rolling their eyes at someone with no knowledge of mental health issues, yet preaching from their smug normality how easy it is to 'fix' yourself

Your ignorance of human history is almost as great as your ignorance of mental ill-health and eating disorders

You need to accept him for who and how he is OP. You’re trying to change him and that isn’t fair. He must feel crap everytime he fobs you off.

He will change if and when he’s ready. Whether or not you can live like that is your call. It must be very hard for both of you.

You have to reach a point where enough is enough and be it the right mindset to follow it through. I now this from past history. It's very hard and only people that have been like this would fully understand. Maybe start with health and fitness by walking together, getting the whole family involved, join online weight class. There are options available but if others are doing it as well it would work better

Food is one of the hardest addictions to break, no matter what the reasons are for the addiction in the first place.

I quit smoking - that was easy, you just say no to ALL smoking and ride it out.

I quit drinking - that was easy, you just say no to ALL drinking and ride it out.

You cannot say no to ALL food and ride it out, you still must eat. There aren't just good foods and bad foods, there are varying "grades" and it is easy to tell yourself something isn't too bad or you could just have a little bit.....it is a slippery slope that is difficult to navigate. You can slide back into unhealthy habits without even noticing.
It has nothing to do with not caring enough about the consequences, or not being motivated to be around for your kids. It is incredibly complex. Considering how big the problem is, there is very little help and support available to people that isn't either highly judgemental or set up purely for commercial gains to exploit overweight people.

There aren't just good foods and bad foods

Not only that, eating too much of the 'good foods' will still make you gain weight. I live on healthy, home cooked meals. I don't like sweets, I don't eat takeaways or junk food. But that all adds up as well.

How so?

Is it possible that he can do Zoe the nutrition plan where you get the glucose monitor in the app that tells you what suits your body and what doesn’t? The reason I say this is because you have to log all your food and it scores you each day, it almost makes you a little bit more accountable and it will give him tips on the right kinds of foods to eat to suit his body. They say you don’t need to calorie count, just change the kind of food you eat. My husband and I have both done it and found it really useful and they’ve reduced the cost of it so much now. I think it’s around £10 per month. Good luck

Yes, I'm on this journey myself and it isn't easy at all. I'm determined to see it through, one day at a time. One hour at a time really.

@MrGoldfarts good luck! We will get there. It’s so rewarding when you do start to see change.

Thanks. I wouldn't wish this on anyone but I am glad I'm not alone.