Inheritance issue

[MountainMomma26]

My DH and I have 3 kids 2 boys and a girl aged under 11

We own a farm- 50% is in my name. This was done at the purchase mainly to save money.

DH also expects to inherit land from his elderly father. Please don’t think this is a situation where we are being greedy - rubbing our hands waiting for someone to pass away. This has never been discussed before and only arose today as we had a meeting with our accountant to finalise this years accounts and my husband wanted to discuss the new tax regulations coming in regarding farmers and inheritance.

Neither of us have made wills. During the course of the conversation DH discussed with the accountant how he would be making his will leaving everything to our sons. I had assumed if he was to pass before me I would be his benefactor and he would be mine if I go first and then upon either of our deaths it would pass to our children. This is what my father had done.

AIBU to be a bit annoyed by this it feels like DH doesn’t trust me/is putting me in a vulnerable position where my child would own the house annd property I live in? I feel this is dangerous as my children are lovely but unfortunately no one knows what way they’ll turn out - we have young extended family members with serious mental or addiction issues so he should know now that this is always a possibility.. I’m also pissed off that my daughter was not mentioned in the conversation. She is her dad’s right hand person. They’re very close. She loves animals and is a hard worker yet she doesn’t seem to come into consideration.

AIBU to be annoyed?

I fully believe parents should leave things to their kids over partner. At the end of the day its just true fact that you could decide to remarry etc... and then lose it all losing his lifes legacy for his kids in the process.

I would be royally pissed at DD being left out though, as the child of a sexist who grew up 'not being good enough due to lacking a penis' thats a level of sexist ick I could not get over.

If you are in the UK he might be doing it for tax reasons. The new IHT rules means that, to get both £1million APR allowances you need to give away a share of a farm on first death to your kids. The reason you need to do that is that APR isnot transferrable between you. You both need to think about that as it would apply to you too. You could use a trust to ensure that the assets are protected and not sold from under you (and if your kids are under 18. It also gives time to decide which child gets the farm so you avoid proliferation of owners). Take legal advice although you may need to again once the tax rules become clear. Unfortunately the budget has probably meant the end of the traditional "family farm" as to prevent this faffing about each generation of getting APR allowances, the farms should probably be in trust. Alternatively you both give the farm to your kids in due course (whichever one wants to farm) in your lifetimes and live for 7 years. Often a farm goes to one child and a life insurance policy to another. There's actually a special one for farms.

It is rubbish.

Actually, I’ve re read your post and you say you have 3 kids together under 11.

im a farmer and we have it set up to go into a trust to pay for their needs and education till 25 then if no one wants to farm it’ll be sold and proceeds divided equally. They are teenagers now and one is showing a clear instinct to farm over the other. We will consider changing the will to reflect that once the school years are over. The other child will be left cash or property. It won’t be as valuable as the farm but they also won’t have the debt or stress!!

I know what mean in principal. However, unlike a divorce, 1 spouse can have all assets in their own name and, on death, the other spouse can be left with nothing to show for their decades of contribution.

I also have a sneaking suspicion, reading between the lines, the the DH sees the house as 100% his and there may have been an 'agreement' that OP will hand over her interest in the property (as he was unable to buy it on his own).

The house will need to go with the land to get APR so it will depend how things are divided up.

This is so sad to read, I am a farmers daughter and I have a sister, no brothers. I’m in my 30’s and now work on the farm full time with my dad. He doesn’t care whether he had sons or daughters, I think he’s just happy one of us wants to carry on the farm. At your children’s age it really is too young to tell, we are now in 2025 and there’s so many more women in agriculture. Would it not be better to split it 3 ways at the moment, then in 10/15 years time (hoping you will still be here) you will have more of an idea who is interested in the farm and can rewrite the will accordingly. To completely dismiss your daughter is completely unacceptable, she may be the one who wants to farm, and the boys may not have interest. On the whole this industry is very accepting of women and I do believe in the last 20 years it has made huge strides, but it is still a male dominated industry and I do very occasionally do experience misogyny. People like your husband are holding the industry back.

You could leave your half to her.

The APR will have to be forfeited if the DH will not protect OP's interest in the property and treat his daughter fairly. OP should be prepared to use that leverage, as her husband does not have her best interests in mind.

I would be checking that I did actually still own 50%, and he hasn't sneakily signed it all back to himself.
I wouldn't be trying to change his mind - he could tell you he had amended his Will to split everything equally between the 3 kids, and then get you to do the same, and then he could alter his Will again to favour just your sons.
There are positive and negatives to leaving you out of the Will, but leaving your daughter out, and telling you it was nothing to do with you, would be a deal breaker for me - you need to get some legal advice about your position within the farm.

YANBU OP. Coming from someone who is the daughter in this situation and who also has a DH who's farm is all about his family and doesn't seem to think his wife and kids matter. It's hard! What do you intend to do with what you will inherit now? I would say to your DH, so should I leave everything of mine to DD or what will she get?

You need to both see an experienced solicitor as there are loads of ways to structure this and lots of potential pitfalls for iht.

On the flip side to most of the comments, I've known farming families where everything is divided equally. The business is too small to support 3 families and everything ends up being sold. No more farm for anyone!

However, it's too early to know who will take an interest in running the farm - it could be well be your daughter.

They do share the kids though so will want to ensure that they have an inheritance left. It's not a zero-sum game. If they both take proper legal advice and use trusts the survivor will be able to carry on with the farm and living in the house after the death of the first to die. It applies just as much to him as the OP as she owns half herself. Also a spouse has more rights re inheritance (if this went to court) than kids and a properly drafted Will would take this into account so the OP will be fine.

OP...Professional legal advice rather than the court of mumsnet is what I'd suggest!

Unfortunately in farming, this type of situation is very common. I know so many farmers daughters who inherited nothing while the sons got the farms. However, before we jump to the conclusion that all the men are misogynistic pricks it’s good to understand the reasons. You can’t easily split a farm up. If you want the family farm to continue then splitting between your children pretty much means they all have to sell / awful family drama, so sometimes the best option is to leave it all to the eldest (or the son for more ‘traditional’ farmers). From an inheritance perspective, while the children are young it would make more sense to leave the other half of the farm to you (on the assumption you would continue farming). When the children are older and if you establish which child would be most suitable to take on the farm then gift it to them (consider 7 year IHT law). For the other kids I would gift them a share of the elderly fathers land to try and make up for the disparity.

Unfortunately the Budget has meant that (if available and appropriate) £1milion has to be given away on first death and not to the other owner (so not the OP). Trusts are the solution as the share is then protected and out of the survivor's IHT estate. The trouble with the new APR rules is that as the reliefs aren't transferable between spouses (unlike a Nil Rate Band) they do have to be used on first death. The OP/DH should not be in a situation where they individually own 100% of the farm if they need APR.

I can understand him wanting to pass it to children, but you get .ore inheritance allowance if it passes to spouse. If it passes to children you should have a lifetime interest so you can live there until you die.

You need professional advice and you do need wills - urgently!

Joint tenants or tenants in common?
If JT the survivor will get it.
If TIC he can leave his half to the boys and you can leave your half to your girl. Easy peasy.

Indeed

Honestly you know someone who sent a load of money to a Nigerian Prince? I'm intrigued? You need to start a whole new thread on this

😂😂Not a chance. There never was any question of that. I’ve been with him and no one else for a long time (More fool me)

She is also the most like him in looks while the boys take after me.

If you own half the house he can't leave your half to anybody only you can. However if you are joint tenants, then both your halves go to spouse (that's the law). If you are tenants in common, he can do what he want with his 50% as can you. If he leaves his 50% to the boys. You leave 75% of your share to daughter and 12.5% to each son ... so you balance the books and they all have the same.

Half of house can't go to kids if you are joint tenants (as are most married people)

He would be better leaving it to your sons in a will trust with you holding a life interest, the IHT nil rate bands from him would not be used and pass to you and be added to yours when the time comes.

The inheritance would be protected for your sons but you would also have the protection for your life.

You really need to do the wills with an inheritance tax specialist accountants advise, not just a solicitor or regular accountant - agricultural land, especially now needs careful consideration.

Are you tenants in common or joint tenants @MountainMomma26 - that affects how property can be disposed of. As others have said, I’d normally expect you each to give a life interest to the other before it passes to kids. But if you are tenants in common you can leave your half to whomever you like. You need to ask the awkward questions and get this sorted.

One partner on Joint beneficial Tenants can sever the agreement to Tennants in common without the others consent by putting a restriction on the registry, that is normally done by any competent solicitor drawing up such a will.

Get legal advice of your own.