Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Inheritance issue

137 replies

MountainMomma26 · 29/01/2025 01:11

My DH and I have 3 kids 2 boys and a girl aged under 11

We own a farm- 50% is in my name. This was done at the purchase mainly to save money.

DH also expects to inherit land from his elderly father. Please don’t think this is a situation where we are being greedy - rubbing our hands waiting for someone to pass away. This has never been discussed before and only arose today as we had a meeting with our accountant to finalise this years accounts and my husband wanted to discuss the new tax regulations coming in regarding farmers and inheritance.

Neither of us have made wills. During the course of the conversation DH discussed with the accountant how he would be making his will leaving everything to our sons. I had assumed if he was to pass before me I would be his benefactor and he would be mine if I go first and then upon either of our deaths it would pass to our children. This is what my father had done.

AIBU to be a bit annoyed by this it feels like DH doesn’t trust me/is putting me in a vulnerable position where my child would own the house annd property I live in? I feel this is dangerous as my children are lovely but unfortunately no one knows what way they’ll turn out - we have young extended family members with serious mental or addiction issues so he should know now that this is always a possibility.. I’m also pissed off that my daughter was not mentioned in the conversation. She is her dad’s right hand person. They’re very close. She loves animals and is a hard worker yet she doesn’t seem to come into consideration.

AIBU to be annoyed?

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 29/01/2025 07:26

Well the only way to do what's properly right is divorce him and divide up the monies

I'm not sure you want your daughter around a mysoginist for the rest of her childhood, this attitude will be seeping out of every interaction - a girl is not good enough, farmings not for her etc

The other alternative is to leave your entire portion to your daughter

I'd wait until his dad dies and then divorce him, a cynical and purposeful move to secure your daughter's future. I'd have no qualms about doing this.

Gingerbiscuitt · 29/01/2025 07:35

I think it's disgusting that he's leaving his assets to his sons, but not his daughter! What will his daughter inherit? I think you should sell your half of the farm to someone else and then divorce this misogynistic nasty man. Show your children that your soon to be ex isn't a role model.

PrincessFairyWren · 29/01/2025 07:35

DPotter · 29/01/2025 03:07

The farming one is the one I remember so clearly from this series - 4 brothers and 1 sister. The sons didn't want her to inherit any part of the farm and were also wanting a share of a property the mother owned, which had been intended just for the daughter. The sons were absolutely obnoxious to their sister about it - totally shocking. I think they sort of resolved it but that one meeting must have fucked up the family dynamic for a long, long time

Show quote history

It usually isn’t one fucked up meeting. It is a lifetime of having your contributions to the family constantly invalidated due to your sex. It is knowing as a child that you are expected to leave and fade off as soon as you finish high school because you are in the way.

OP I know someone who was a farmer and he died unexpectedly young while his children were very young. His father still owned the farm and all his life insurance and assets went to his three children. This left his wife with no money or income to buy a place to live and get children all cashed up. One of whom was a baby. I am shocked that an accountant would witness this conversation and not advise against it.

Your husband is a pig.

Namechangetheyarewatching · 29/01/2025 07:37

MountainMomma26 · 29/01/2025 01:20

More or less told it was nothing to do with me.

Show quote history

Leave your 50% to your daughter

PaigeMac · 29/01/2025 07:41

You know this doesn’t surprise me at all- I’m not from a farming family but live in a rural farming area and see this and similar a lot.
TBH I’d be very worried if my daughter fell in love with a farmer, it’s 2025 but it can still be quite sexist!
I’d say leave your daughter your half at least but better yet wait till he inherits then divorce the twat and take him to the cleaners

Calmhappyandhealthy · 29/01/2025 07:44

PaigeMac · 29/01/2025 07:41

You know this doesn’t surprise me at all- I’m not from a farming family but live in a rural farming area and see this and similar a lot.
TBH I’d be very worried if my daughter fell in love with a farmer, it’s 2025 but it can still be quite sexist!
I’d say leave your daughter your half at least but better yet wait till he inherits then divorce the twat and take him to the cleaners

👏 👏 👏 👏

LittleMG · 29/01/2025 07:44

OP this is terrible you can’t let him do this to you and your daughter. If I’m honest though ime this is something quite common in farming families. I’d have a talk and say this is a hard boundary for you and not flexible. I know people say LTB a lot on here but this is really horrible of him and has long term repercussions.

PokerFriedDips · 29/01/2025 07:49

He can leave his 50% to your sons but let him know that you'll be leaving your 50% entirely to your daughter if he does, so she will end up having double their share. Or he can agree to treat the 3 of them equally and so will you

It's not unusual outside farming to leave property to the youngest generation as this effectively halves the number of times IHT will be triggered across a 100 year period. However It's normal for this to be tied in with a "beneficial interest" to the relevant surviving older generation family members (generally the parent of the inheritors) which means the children are the legal owners but they can't turf out their parent or make independent decisions about the property. If your DH isn't doing that then he's an arsehole.

LongDarkTeatime · 29/01/2025 07:51

That is appalling. Why does he want to disinherit your daughter? And leave you nothing? Would he change his mind if one/both sons come out as gay/trans. He really needs to have a long hard look at himself.
Time to sit him down and have a serious chat about raising kids in an environment with such a strong undercurrent of misogyny. Remind him you can choose to walk and sell.

Bloozie · 29/01/2025 07:54

I can understand the desire to keep the land in blood family, and so leaving it to your children, not you. If your husband died and you remarried, and then died in intestate, the land could end up going to your new spouse and leaving your husband's family completely. I know that farmers feel a blood tie to their land, I get that.

He can write his will to ensure you have a lifetime interest.

Leaving your daughter out is unforgivable though. What is his thought process?

MoodEnhancer · 29/01/2025 08:01

Not only are you not being unreasonable for feeling annoyed, I would be beyond furious and broken hearted to learn that my DH was a sexist prick. He perhaps thinks that you would be fine because you own half the property, but to leave nothing to his daughter is unacceptable.

This requires a very serious conversation. If he didn’t see his error and change his attitude, I would leave a man like this. You own half of the farm (which presumably includes your house if it’s on the same land) so take out your half and tell him to go fuck himself. Don’t stay and let your daughter and sons grow up thinking this is ok.

BrickBiscuit · 29/01/2025 08:02

PokerFriedDips · 29/01/2025 07:49

He can leave his 50% to your sons but let him know that you'll be leaving your 50% entirely to your daughter if he does, so she will end up having double their share. Or he can agree to treat the 3 of them equally and so will you

It's not unusual outside farming to leave property to the youngest generation as this effectively halves the number of times IHT will be triggered across a 100 year period. However It's normal for this to be tied in with a "beneficial interest" to the relevant surviving older generation family members (generally the parent of the inheritors) which means the children are the legal owners but they can't turf out their parent or make independent decisions about the property. If your DH isn't doing that then he's an arsehole.

Good point about triggering IHT less by 'skipping' generations, more important for farms now with the new, ineptly-designed tax regime.

PPs have said divorce and take half his eventual inheritance from his dad, but you can easily structure an inheritance outside the marital assets (all you need is a separate bank account) so this won't work. OP needs specialist professional advice, maybe sourced through the NFU?

MaggieFS · 29/01/2025 08:14

What a horrible man. Either divorce or leave all of your 50% to DD.

Bellyblueboy · 29/01/2025 08:14

He is sexist and dismissive of your views. He thinks if his daughter as less of a person than his sons.

this can’t have been a secret - men like this show their sexism in all aspects of their lives.

If you left him now would he have to sell the farm? Imagine that - a woman having influence over his life opportunities😊.

careful he doesn’t impose his world view on your sons - and your daughter.

MissDoubleU · 29/01/2025 08:15

He has no interest in your or your daughter’s long term security. Time to take action. Divorce now or wait until after he inherits. Write your own will to ensure daughter gets your 50%.

MaggieFS · 29/01/2025 08:21

Actually it's a good point from pp to check how the ownership is registered. Simply because the DH said he'd leave his to the sons I've assumed tenants in common not joint tenants. If joint, then OP will inherit it anyway. If not then OP has her half as leverage.

Beekeepingmum · 29/01/2025 08:25

I think farms need to be thought of differently. It needs to be left to whichever family member is taking over running the farm. Under 11 feels a bit young to be deciding who is going to run it in the future. If the farm is just seen as value to distributed the government are absolutely right to tax it for inheritance.

Horserider5678 · 29/01/2025 08:26

Spirallingdownwards · 29/01/2025 01:32

This. 50% is in your name. Leave the entire 50% to her.

There used to be a BBC2 show called You Can't Take it With You. It gave advice to people if different situations. The farm scenario with sons and a daughter was one. They equalised inheritance by leaving the daughter another property. It may be worth seeing if you can find this on BBC iplayer or archives online.

Show quote history

Yes, that was my friend’s family in the show. Her mother has a rental property which her daughter will inherit in place of her share of the farm. The son’s all work the farm, and she has her own career so was the best solution. However with the new inheritance tax on farms I think she will ultimately have the best deal in it all.

SlatternIsMyMiddleName · 29/01/2025 08:26

I work adjacent to the farming community and this thinking is surprisingly common. As a rule no farmer wants to split the land as subdivision is not an effective use of land. Therefore they prefer to leave to one child, which traditionally (but not always) is the son.

This is considered normal where I’m from and daughters rarely complain. The really old fashioned view is that the daughters have to marry ‘well’ to secure their future. Quite often the daughters will be given some other separate asset to try to equalize up, but this rarely comes close to the value,

Most farmers golden rule - never split/sell the land. This is financially true, but it leads to the inevitable favoring of one child over others.

A farm of land that is split at every generation between all children will not be a viable farm for long.

What is unusual in the OP’s scenario is that she is a 50% owner.

MoodEnhancer · 29/01/2025 08:26

PokerFriedDips · 29/01/2025 07:49

He can leave his 50% to your sons but let him know that you'll be leaving your 50% entirely to your daughter if he does, so she will end up having double their share. Or he can agree to treat the 3 of them equally and so will you

It's not unusual outside farming to leave property to the youngest generation as this effectively halves the number of times IHT will be triggered across a 100 year period. However It's normal for this to be tied in with a "beneficial interest" to the relevant surviving older generation family members (generally the parent of the inheritors) which means the children are the legal owners but they can't turf out their parent or make independent decisions about the property. If your DH isn't doing that then he's an arsehole.

I’m not sure this is quite correct, especially re: capital gains tax on land. I think most people leave it to their spouse, who will inherit tax free. The land gets valued at that stage, so when passed on again the increased value is for a shorter time period and therefore lowers the overall tax bill. I fully accept I may be wrong, but I believe that is the usual approach.

misscockerspaniel · 29/01/2025 08:27

You say that the farm is owned 50/50. Check with the Land Registry to see if it is owned as joint tenants or as tenants in common.

Joint property ownership: Overview - GOV.UK

Joint property ownership

Check if you're a joint tenant or tenants in common. Change from joint tenants to tenants in common, or tenants in common to joint tenants

https://www.gov.uk/joint-property-ownership

Horserider5678 · 29/01/2025 08:30

Vaxtable · 29/01/2025 01:35

You own 50% so I would sit him down and tell him how unfair he is being to you and your daughter. I would also share with him court cases where daughter have won substantial money from an estate because they were left out, particularly if she is more involved than your sons from what you say about her being his right hand man
The only person who wins in that scenario is the solicitors and it will cause a family rift

If he is still adamant then you leave your 50% to your daughter, although tbh I couldn’t stay with a man who is prepared to treat his child like that so would be looking to leave, he can either purchase your 50% or he sells the farm

She’s under 11, so I doubt she’s really his right hand man! Just she’s probably at the moment more interested in the farm which may well change as she gets older. He’s only leaving his share to his sons, so the OP can do as she likes with her share. Im
not sure I’d leave her the whole 50% but work it so the children all end up with an equal share.

theressomanytinafeysicouldbe · 29/01/2025 08:36

Maybe its miscommunication. Have you spoken about this.

Maybe he is thinking he will leave his 50% and land to the boys and you will leave your 50% to your daughter - you said she is his right hand. She would get a larger share in the farm but none of the additional land which your FIL is leaving him.

TinkyBella · 29/01/2025 08:37

WhereIsMyLight · 29/01/2025 01:32

With a house you could pass your house to your child and give your spouse or partner a lifetime interest in the property. In that case, you would remain there until you died or wished to sell but on selling your spouse’s 50% would pass to your children and you can only use your 50% for your onward move. I don’t know if the same applies to agricultural land but as inheritance tax is still being worked out for farms, I don’t think there is a clear answer on the most tax efficient way yet and whether you can do lifetime interests.

However, only leaving to your sons and telling you it’s none of your business when it’s 50% yours is misogynistic. Whether you can live like that is up to you. However, I would be making my will to my daughter and I would be telling my sons it’s not that you don’t love them but their dad has decided their sister shouldn’t inherit because she’s a girl and therefore you need to protect her.

This.
I would definitely be looking for a lifetimes interest and leaving your 50% to your daughter. If he won’t agree the life times interest, then I’d wait until he inherits and then divorce him.

Gagagardener · 29/01/2025 08:40

@MountainMomma26 Farming = special case. Get advice from someone who specialises in land, inheritance and trusts. Not from an accountant. And talk through what you want for each child.

(My farming father left a sum of cash to each daughter, the farm to the eldest son who took on the farm and a field apiece to the others to acknowledge their input as boys. The cash was welcome, though now long spent - neither my sister nor I wished to farm, and we had been put in the way of supporting ourselves; ownership of the fields continues to be an unremunerative nuisance.)