Inheritance issue

[MountainMomma26]

My DH and I have 3 kids 2 boys and a girl aged under 11

We own a farm- 50% is in my name. This was done at the purchase mainly to save money.

DH also expects to inherit land from his elderly father. Please don’t think this is a situation where we are being greedy - rubbing our hands waiting for someone to pass away. This has never been discussed before and only arose today as we had a meeting with our accountant to finalise this years accounts and my husband wanted to discuss the new tax regulations coming in regarding farmers and inheritance.

Neither of us have made wills. During the course of the conversation DH discussed with the accountant how he would be making his will leaving everything to our sons. I had assumed if he was to pass before me I would be his benefactor and he would be mine if I go first and then upon either of our deaths it would pass to our children. This is what my father had done.

AIBU to be a bit annoyed by this it feels like DH doesn’t trust me/is putting me in a vulnerable position where my child would own the house annd property I live in? I feel this is dangerous as my children are lovely but unfortunately no one knows what way they’ll turn out - we have young extended family members with serious mental or addiction issues so he should know now that this is always a possibility.. I’m also pissed off that my daughter was not mentioned in the conversation. She is her dad’s right hand person. They’re very close. She loves animals and is a hard worker yet she doesn’t seem to come into consideration.

AIBU to be annoyed?

You can have it put in a trust for them. I agree it’s the only way to guarantee they get it.

Or social services take it all

I mean… your husband is a total cunt. I would never, ever be able to stay with a man who did this to his child, so the rest is pretty irrelevant.

Nothing to do with you? I don't think I could stay with a man who chose to disinherit his own daughter like that. Not to mention leaving his own wife to possibly be forced to sell her home because he willed some of it to others (even the children - you don't know that they'll leave you to age in place in it. They would probably have the right to force a sale if they became part owners via inheritance).

He chooses how he writes his will but you choose what you think of him after that.

Your daughter is " just a resource" and maybe you are to to your husband. He exploited you for tax purposes but not wanting you to have have views or opinions. I have seen this situation so many times. Farm will be put first over family. I hope your daughter is being paid for all her work or having university fees or given a car or house or some form of wealth. You need to open out the situation to your daughter to get her on side. Backlash from husband will be he will make statements in jokes or seriousness that minimise her work input or states that you or her are the problem causing conflict. Speak to your own solicitor as you have 50% leverage here in this business

This 100%.

Make a will ASAP to ensure your daughter benefits in case something happens to you.

Otherwise she will be left high and dry.

My ex partner has done a lot of nasty shit but even he would never dream of treating his daughter differently in an inheritance. It would be the final straw for me. He isn’t leaving you his half as he clearly doesn’t trust you, he might think that you could remarry etc. But the least he could do is leave it to your DC equally. I’d be absolutely raging for my DD and would wonder what kind of man I had married.

Make it to do with you. Divorce him now and take half. Misogynistic shit.

Oh that post from the woman who wanted to stop her DSD from staying at her childhood home which was paid off because DSD’s mother passed away kicked me into action ensuring my DD gets the house if I pass… the post and story made my blood boil

More or less told it was nothing to do with me

I would have countered with ‘that’s fine, as I’m leaving my 50% to my daughter, and I’m not really up for discussing that either’. Then sit there with crickets🤣.

The OP's issue is not with that - it is with skipping HER.

Is there any chance he thinks she's not his?

Misogyny is deep in some (most) areas of farming.

This little prick has jumped the gun though hasn’t he? You own half. Has he forgotten that?

I really like the suggestion that you leave you half to your daughter, that way she’ll out-own your sons.

I’d be divorcing him and taking 50% of the farm now.

I would also tell your daughter that her father plans to disinherit her so she can build an independent career.

I come fron a farming baclground and this does not surprise me one bit. Farming families are often obsessive about the farms and family members (especially incomers) are exploited and good sense abandonned in pursuit of the goal.

"Luckily" my family are tenant farmers so the only question for me and my brother is if we wanted to inherit my dad's tenancy. We didn't!

Farming can also still be misogynistic. In the very late 1990s extended family and friends of my dad's expressed surprise he was supporting me to go to university as "what was the point?"

I genuinely think I’d do this. Take your half and let him do what the fuck he wants with his half. I couldn’t stand by and be a part of this. What a twat.

I'm wondering @MountainMomma26 if your husband is under the assumption that you will blindly hand over your 50% to him at some point in the future?

I ask as you mention that you own 50% as it was cheaper to do it that way. If that is the expectation, then you must 100% not do that. Does your 50% of the farm give you the ability to make it fair between your children?

I think this is grounds for a divorce if he does not change his tune very quickly. He will soon find out that it is very much to do with you.

You say your daughter. Is your husband her father?

Has he got other plans for her? Eg my dh will inherit everything that’s farm related. His sister has already been bought a house and will have a cash lump sum on death.

@MountainMomma26 in your position I would see another solicitor on my own and find out the answers to your very reasonable questions.

I’d also be outraged at your dd being passed over completely, and your H’s attitude towards you. But that part seems outside the scope of your question.

Get your will drawn up and ensure you are tenants in common, not joint tenants, of the farm. If you're currently joint tenants you can fill out a form to change over, and you don't need his signature. You can then leave your half of the farm in trust to whomever you want (your DD if you please). He will also only be able to leave his 50% to his precious sons if he dies first.

Good idea.

He is leaving half to his son's. That would be 25% of a farm each. I'm guessing you will leave all of your share of the farm to your daughter so she will get 50% of the farm. I would be smirking a lot if I was you. He's a twat. Go and see your own solicitor.

This ^

However DHs fathers land will go directly to DH so THAT will be additional inheritance for your sons

Seems so unfair to me

Definitely see a solicitor, OP

I agree with other posters that you should absolutely leave your half of the farm to your DD. It must have come as a horrible shock that your DH is such a misogynist. How could he think that's a fair distribution of assets? It would change the way I thought about him.

Does he realise that he can't bequeath 100% of a jointly owned asset?